My boyfriend never takes any initiative

I am getting extremely frustrated with my boyfriend because I feel like he never plans for us to do anything, EVER, or makes suggestions. I know that guys are not good at planning things but he NEVER says anything like "hey baby, lets do this in celebration for this" or "lets do something fun like...".

For example, at the end of this week I will be a college graduate and he said nothing about going to dinner or telling me he wanted to take me out to celebrate. I had to bring it up.

And when I bring anything up like "hey lets do this..." his response is automated. All the time he says "yes baby. I would like that".

I am kind of like that, though not so automated. I have always had a problem really having a "rip roarin', let your hair down, good time" so to speak. It is probably in his nature and he is not likely to change. Hopefully when you do suggest things, he does the things he says he will with you. If you are not happy, make a change and let him go for awhile anyway. Maybe it will knock some sense into him, or maybe not. I know, alot of help I am!!

Have you talked about this with him? Communication is important. He might just be oblivious tot he fact that he's acting this way.

Have you talked about this with him? Communication is important. He might just be oblivious tot he fact that he's acting this way.

I do talk to him about it. I tell him it hurts my feelings that I feel like I am the only one who takes initiative and I feel that its important for the growth of our relationship to do things together. He basically just says "sorry baby, I'll try better" but other than that, never really takes initiative to...for example....surprise me with dinner every once in a while or something like that.

Maybe it's just his personality. I dated someone like this before. They were great except for the lack of initiative. The only way to move on with my life was to let him go. He was holding me back. I'm a very initiation type person. I like to get things done and move forward, I like to celebrate, plan parties, and live life. I feel like he would've been happy with whatever. Not good enough for me.

Is he like this in life in general? Does he take charge of ANY area of his life, like work or hobbies? Or does he just float along? If he's a floater, there's not much you can do ... It's who he is.

Is he like this in life in general? Does he take charge of ANY area of his life, like work or hobbies? Or does he just float along? If he's a floater, there's not much you can do ... It's who he is.

I'd say he takes charge at work and gets things done. But with anything else....me...chores....errands...I feel like he does not take initiative

I am getting extremely frustrated with my boyfriend because I feel like he never plans for us to do anything, EVER, or makes suggestions. I know that guys are not good at planning things but he NEVER says anything like "hey baby, lets do this in celebration for this" or "lets do something fun like...".

 

For example, at the end of this week I will be a college graduate and he said nothing about going to dinner or telling me he wanted to take me out to celebrate. I had to bring it up.

 

And when I bring anything up like "hey lets do this..." his response is automated. All the time he says "yes baby. I would like that".

Just curious- once he is THERE at dinner or other event (regardless of whose idea it was), do the 2 of you end up having fun? Does he enjoy himself? Or is he a wet blanket?

If you are free spirit and he isn't really motivated you might not be compatible personalities

He seems a little too comfortable. Do you tend to take most of the responsibility in your relationship (because he doesn't)? Some people will get lazy. Are there ways that you can back off and do less for/with him?

Also, does he treat you well, other than that he doesn't take initiative to plan things?

My bf and I had some issues with this. Somehow, over time, we've managed to get to a place where we both share ideas of what we could do when we get together, then we choose one. Have you tried anything like that -- saying, OK, what are our options for tonight? and see what he says.

I think it may just be his personality since talks haven't changed anything. Don't marry him expecting him to change, btw.

This was one of my problems with my now recent ex.

I feel like a relationship requires two people to be invested in it for it to work.

It got to the point where I was the only person planning activities and my ex was was just floating along. It got so bad that it felt like he was just "clocking in" or coming over to watch TV and thinking we were bonding, connecting and communicating.

In order for relationships not to get boring, grow stagnant or to grow people need to experience things together.

I'm sorry that you've talked to your BF and seen little change/improvement.

I did the same with my ex, talked, communicated and he never changed and took initiative.

In the end I had to walk away and hope I can find a relatioship where more of my needs are met.

This was one of my problems with my now recent ex.

I feel like a relationship requires two people to be invested in it for it to work.

It got to the point where I was the only person planning activities and my ex was was just floating along. It got so bad that it felt like he was just "clocking in" or coming over to watch TV and thinking we were bonding, connecting and communicating.

In order for relationships not to get boring, grow stagnant or to grow people need to experience things together.

I'm sorry that you've talked to your BF and seen little change/improvement.

I did the same with my ex, talked, communicated and he never changed and took initiative.

In the end I had to walk away and hope I can find a relatioship where more of my needs are met.

I most definitely feel that he thinks "bonding" is laying in my bed and watching tv. I'm always suggesting things like hey lets get away for a weekend and go somewhere. He does not get that me coming over and spending time with him and his friends does not count for connecting and bonding.

I just want him to think "shes been working really hard to graduate. Ill surprise her one night and take her out for a nice dinner". I dont expect surprises every day but to just do something nice for me, especially if I have been stressed, accomplished something (like being offered by second internship) or just have been working really hard, it is nice to know that someone has noticed the hard work I have been putting in.

He does not get that me coming over and spending time with him and his friends does not count for connecting and bonding.

Wow, that's not fair. It doesn't count? Then stop visiting.

I think you should back off a little bit and let him take charge. A lot of times when us women work TOO hard for the relationship the man can just sit back and coast and doesnt have to do anything. If you stop making plans and let him ask YOU to do something he will be more motivated to come up with ideas.

Another thing is that he might just be a "home body" and just likes hanging out and not going out much. OR these things that you find important that you would like to do didn't happen in his family so therefore he doesn't understand why they are important to you and is less likely to initate something that like.

Hope this helps