I know the rules but I can't help it!

I really like this guy i've known for eight months. When I first saw him I was incredibly attracted to his friendly demeanor. He would talk to anybody and just say "Hey, what's up?" or "How are you doing? to me as if he knew me well enough. I wasn't sure if he was gay or not so I didn't ever try to start a conversation with him. Then after some time, i developed feelings for him. Then I saw the friends he hung out with, and how theywere the complete opposite of him, just ignorant and rude. I later found out he liked this girl he knew little about then started dating her. I am so crushed. And pretty soon (we both go to the same vocational school) we are both relocating to California soon and I don't know if he'll act the same towards me or will he just trash me because of the new friends/girlfriends he will discover. I NEED HELP PLEASE!!

Well why don't you tell him how you feel?

metrogirl, hrer's the problem:

I've overheard him making homophobic comments to someone before, so telling him I like him (by the way he knows I'm gay-everyone does) would kill any chance of opening up his side to me anymore. Although I feel a strong connection with him(ie. his stares at me, my stares at him) it will take a great deal of effort and time on his part to come out with these feelings for me, IF they are true. He is a popular man so the pressure would be tremendous!

You developed feelings for a guy who's 1) likely not gay, and 2) has openly displayed homophobia. Doesn't sound like a very good combination. Does he even know you're gay? Are you out?

FathomFear, I know this VERY MUCH SO! I can't help my feelings because he shows (around me, anyway)a softer side than he does in public. This sucks because I want to move on and every time I think I've overcome my feelings for him he starts becoming friendly towards me. I try to ignore him to give him time to sort out the feelings that are true to him. So, if you have any solutions that work as to how to move on feel free to help. Btw, i'm gay and out, hence

FathomFear, I know this VERY MUCH SO! I can't help my feelings because he shows (around me, anyway)a softer side than he does in public. This sucks because I want to move on and every time I think I've overcome my feelings for him he starts becoming friendly towards me. I try to ignore him to give him time to sort out the feelings that are true to him. So, if you have any solutions that work as to how to move on feel free to help.btw i am gay and out, hence : (by the way he knows I'm gay-everyone does).

sorry but by what your sayin...i dont really think he is gay.

Sorry to hear you've fallen for an "untouchable". Straight, bisexual and gay individuals all go through this at one point, and multiple points. The best way to get over liking someone that you can't have is through self-discipline. Unfortunately, this isn't something that's easy to master because love and lust are two very strong feelings. Basically, you need to develop the ability to focus your thoughts and efforts on those that are obtainable, rather than those that are not. Research event avenues and local businesses that are frequented by gay people or gay-friendly people and meet some guys that are gay. Expand your circle of friends to include more gay people and gay-friendly individuals. Don't go out looking for a guy to date, go out looking to meet people that are gay and become friends first. Then, if you start to develop feelings for one of these guys, at least you have a chance, assuming the guy you like is single. Focus your energy there because it makes more sense than thinking about someone that has a girlfriend and has said hateful things about gay people. Once you find someone else, you'll be amazed how quickly you'll forget about this guy!

Well guys, we are in Cali now and he knows about me and everything. He doesn't hate me. Still a good-natured str8 guys that loves everyone. I still pass by him and say hi or bye every once in a while, but nothing more. And I'm fine w/ that. I'm SO glad to be over him! Thanks to everyone for the advice.

This was so sad. I almost had the same experience before during college. I had this classmate that got really close to me like a best friend. Everyday in our class we were sitting together laughing at everything little thing that we can laugh about. Then this feeling of liking him suddenly came. As the time goes by, I don't know maybe I got used to us being together everyday in class to the point where if he goes out with someone else (which is within our circle of friend) I get really jealous then just 1 day he stopped going with me for good. I was so heartbroken that time but of course I should act normal I told myself because there's really nothing official between us and also I'm not out. But I think some of my classmates noticed our closeness especially those that I think had crushes on him. Btw this happen I think around 2010 to 2011