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Thread: Need Help! Starting seeing ex again... and now ignoring me?!

  1. #1
    flow90
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    Need Help! Starting seeing ex again... and now ignoring me?!

    (I apologise in advance for the long post! I am also in a bit of a rush, so I also apologise if my post isn't very well written!)

    My ex contacted me again just over a month ago after 6 months NC. (He broke up with me) I wasn't going to reply, but I wasn't angry anymore or upset, and I still care about him a lot and so I replied. We had a nice talk, we caught up like old friends. A week after I told him I was going to be in his city on holidays and he asked if I wanted to meet. At first I didn't think it was a good idea, but I thought if I keep it short and sweet, there is no harm.. (I also wanted to see him, because last time we saw eachother I was a mess and I didn't want him to remember that of me. I've changed a lot and grown a lot since we broke up and I wanted him to see that).

    So we met up, and it was great.. we had fun and we were talking and joking like old friends, he didnt try anything although I could see in his eyes he missed me and was really happy to see me. He hugged me and stroked me.. but didnt try anything more.

    A few days later it was my birthday and I told him I was going to this famous club with my friends. He laughed and said if he hadn't contacted me we would have bumped into eachother anyway, as he was going to that club that night as his friend was djing! He said he could get me and my friends in to the club for free, which I thought was really nice for him to do.

    Anyway, so it was my birthday night and when I get to the club he comes up to me and hugs me and wishes me a happy bday, we talk briefly and he says he'll see me later. So i go to dance with my friends, we have a great time! The club was very small so he was with his friends dancing very near to where me and my friends were, and we would talk and joke everynow and then... whenever i was dancing i could feel him watching me the whole time. He grabbed my hand and asked to go talk, we were both quite drunk at this point so i cant remember much of the conversation, but what i do remember is that he kept saying it was so nice to see me and he kept hugging me, and he said i looked amazing....etc... then i would go back to my friends, dance some more, and he kept grabbing me and taking me away to talk again.... anyway after a while one thing led to another and we ended up kissing... it was amazing, we have such amazing chemistry and the spark is still there even after everything we've been through and after all this time... .

    it was the end of the night and we hugged and agreed to meet again before i left his city. After that we were texting a few days and he said to meet up on my last day before i leave and he would take me to the airport. I ended up spending the night at his as my flight was early in the morning.... We had an amazing night together, obviously we ended up sleeping together... the whole time we spent together was amazing, he was so affectionate, he kept bringing up little jokes we had from our past and we had loads of fun.. the connection was still there, it was like no time had passed and we had never broke up. He said i was different, he could tell i had changed.. i was more lighthearted, happy, funny....etc. He said, what happens with us? Whenever we see eachother its as if nothing has happened?!
    I didn't wanna talk about what was going on with us, or how he felt about me, as i didnt want to put any pressure on him and i wanted him to bring it up. but he didnt, but i thought its ok theres plenty of time for that, i dont want to rush anything.

    In the morning he took me to the airport, we hugged and kissed good bye and he said we'll speak soon. He said he would be in my city in a couple of weeks time and so I assumed that we would meet when he comes.

    When I landed i texted him and thanked him for the lift and he replied saying no need to say thanks, and he asked me how my flight was etc.. so i replied saying it was fine and i told him i enjoyed spending time with him and that it was nice we were finally getting on. i didnt get a reply until later on in the day asking if i had replied as he didnt receive anything. My phone has been acting up lately, so i sent the text again but didnt receive a reply. The next day i went on skype and saw him online so i wrote to him and said hey, i saw your text but im guessing mine didnt send again?
    he didnt reply.. and i went on skype a few times later on in the day and he was online everytime but didnt write to me. i know he was there because he changed his status, but i thought maybe he has friends over and cant talk...
    its been nearly 3 days now and he hasnt contacted me at all!
    What i find so strange is that if he didn't wanna speak at all, he never would have sent that text saying 'did u text back? i didnt receive anything'

    What I'm thinking is that either he thinks i want him back and hes realised he doesnt so he is backing off..... or i think he may be testing me to see if i really have changed.... because before when we were together if he didnt text back or reply i would send him loads of messages asking him why hes ignoring me. So im trying not to do that and letting him come to me... But its so strange!! We were being so friendly, joking around...he even sent that text saying he didnt receive anything and now nothing!
    What is going on?? I want to ask him why he hasnt responded, (unless he has but i havent received it-but then he could have written to me on skype, or called me!) or ask him what is going on,what he's feeling etc... but i know you're not supposed to ask guys that! He may just ignore me, and i don't even know if that is the right thing to do!

    I was so happy things were finally going so well for us again, in my head I thought we can be friendly for a while, not rush into anything and see how it goes, and maybe one day down the line get back together....As I feel these 6 months apart have helped me to grow and learn from my mistakes. But now that hes all of a sudden started ignoring me I'm so confused!! I thought things were going great... I wish I could tell him how I'm feeling but I know I can't.

    Apologies for the long post again, please someone give me some advice!!
    Last edited by flow90; 07-30-2011 at 07:19 AM.

  2. #2
    mindi
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    I've been in a very similar situation with an ex, even the part about living in different cities. I got the hint when he didn't think he would "have time" to see me when he was in town one weekend. He tried it again months later, but I was already with someone else (who is now my husband!!!). Hooking up with exs is never a good idea, this case is no exception. I have no way to explain his actions. I say, move on. Nothing changes with exs, you will find all the same issues are still there and you will always have the fear he will leave you again.

  3. #3
    Hollyj
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    Why did he break up six months back? How long were you together?

    I'm sorry but, you are making a lot of excuses for this guy. It sounds like it was simply a weekend of fun for him, and that's it.

    We should never have assumptions there is going to be a reconciliation, unless it is clearly stated. You were clearly not over him or this would never have gone to the place it did. We cannot be friends or otherwise with the ex, until we are over them. as it only cause pain.

    I suggest you see this as painful lesson, and remember to never think that others are on the same page as you w/o clarification.

    Please do not contact him again! I also would not respond to any of his communication as you are opening yourself to being used for sex or an ego stroke.

    One last thing: You didn't start seeing him again, you hooked up with him for the weekend. Big difference!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 07-30-2011 at 10:10 AM.

  4. #4
    flow90
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    Thanks for the replies!

    We were together a year.. and then we've been a bit on and off for the past year.. things got quite intense towards the end and we were arguing loads.. i had become depressed due to different reasons, i became super dependent on him and clingy and obviously that pushed him away. I've improved all of my issues now, I needed 6 months NC to focus on myself and im back to being me again and he has seen that.

    Is it right to ask the ex what is going on, or how do they feel... or should you wait for them to come to you? I'm not going to contact him again until he contacts me, but say he does contact me I would really like to know what is going on...

  5. #5
    Hollyj
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    Hon,

    Nothing is going on. You had a fun weekend. That's it!

    I think you really need to focus on how he disrespected you, other than making excuses for him. I think it is very unhealthy to feel you have to prove you are a different person, you are still seeking approval and validation, I can see you have reverted to old patterns.

    I would stay away from this man, and please do not respond to contact. You are going to get used and hurt! You should be really angry at him for doing this, not making excuses and trying to prove yourself. Not healthy!

    Please get some counseling to deal with you issues of insecurity.

  6. #6
    flow90
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    Do you think I am so bad I need to have counselling??
    Why do you say he used me? I could have used him, he didn't rape me! I wanted it just as much as he did...
    I don't feel angry with him, just confused as to why we were happily talking one minute and the next hes just dissappeared!

  7. #7
    Hollyj
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    Yes. I do think you need some counseling.

    Clearly, you didn't use him or you would not have created this thread. I do think he was only seeking sex, as you had constant contact, then after the event he is MIA. I do not think you are ready for anything with him, and I am referring to everything you have written.

    If I had sex with someone I had loved then they disappeared, I sure as hell would be angry. I would feel disrespected and used, especially considering our past.

    Sorry but, I don't see any confusion here, and I wish you could see it for what it is. He had sex with you and now he is ignoring.

  8. #8
    flow90
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    I was only confused because I thought maybe he felt something and would perhaps want me back. And its not like he went MIA immediately after sex, he text me when I was back and when he didnt receive my text he text me again asking if i had replied, so its not like he didnt care at all. I know what he's like and he likes to have his space to think about things, so mayb thats what hes doing now? Its a possibility....

    I'm going to wait a few more days, if he really doesnt contact again then I will accept that he used me for sex and I won't speak with him again.

    Just say he does start contacting me again, should I straight out ask him what it is he wants?? or is that the worse thing you can ask a man?

  9. #9
    Hollyj
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    I think that if you have to walk on eggshells there is a problem. Also, it sounds like you do a lot of accommodating and excusing for this guy, don't you expect an equally responsive relationship-friendship or otherwise?

    I wish you guys had not slept together because if you wanted to restart something, this was not the way to go. You have to start things slowly, date, and figure if things are doable. I think you sold yourself short-setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Place more value on yourself when you care for someone. If it's just sex with no strings, it's something completely different.

    Why were you so clingy and needy? Relationships are not usually one-sided.

  10. #10
    flow90
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    I say that because everyone says you should never ask a man whats going on as it scares them away, and you should let them come to you. Especially as he is the one who ended it, I'm not going to go chasing after him asking him what he is feeling and what is going on.

    I was going through a hard time, its quite personal and I became depressed and depended on him a lot. I'm not like that anymore, that is the important thing...

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