for the love of christ, i need serious help :(

Hi, guys. About a year ago, my life was falling apart due to a failed relationship. I came here begging for tips to get my ex back and based on what I said almost everyone told me to give it up. Of course, I didn't listen.

So here I am, one year later. I'm better now, and extremely thankful that I did NOT get back together with my ex. I haven't spoken to her in about 8 months and probably never will again, which is fine by me. Now that time has passed, I see that the relationship was a horrible one. However, I don't think I was fully recovered until only a few months ago. Anyway, enough about that.

Since that failed relationship, I have found it VERY hard to even talk to a girl for more than a minute. I get very nervous and tongue-twisted, and usually end up making a fool out of myself, or quickly making an excuse to end the conversation and escape. This is extremely annoying, because when I'm not talking to a girl (which is 99% of my life now) I wish that I was. I think of all the right things to say and tell myself, "OK, this time you'll be cool and collected." But it NEVER turns out that way.

I decided to come back here because there is now a girl at my work place who I really -really- like.

I work in IT for a big college. I'm 24, but I'm not a student (people often confuse me for one). This girl that I like just started working there about 2 months ago. Unfortunately, I do not get to see her that often. She is a secretary in a gym, and I work in the library. Sometimes I have to go to this gym to fix computers, and I usually talk to her to find out where I need to go. She is beautiful and very friendly, and always seems happy to see me. However, I think it's getting to the point where she is going to be able to tell that I am a nervous wreck around her.

First of all, I haven't even introduced myself to her yet. I've talked to her maybe 4 or 5 times now, spaced out by 2-3 weeks I'd say. I'm always bad with social situations, because I am shy in general.

Today I had to go to the gym. Knowing that she would probably be there, I told myself, "OK, this time you at least have to introduce yourself". Of course, she was there when I walked in. She was on the phone and looked very busy, but when she saw me she gave me a huge smile and held up her finger, signaling me to wait. Once she was off the phone, she asked me, "What's up?" Needless to say, I chicken out and simply tell her why I'm there and who I'm looking for. She walked me down the hall to the office I needed to be at, and I thanked her... then she was gone. I missed my chance yet again, and I knew it.

So I set up the computer and decide that when I leave I will pop my head in her office and finally introduce myself. On my way out, I actually look into her office, but she isn't there, so I continue to exit the building. Then, she comes walking around the corner and wishes me a good weekend. Yet again, I chicken out and simply say, in a nervous tone, "Thanks, you too!"

I said it so fast and was walking so quickly that she actually kind of chuckled at me. Not in a mean way, but in a way that I could tell she knew I was being nervous this time.

So what the hell should I do, guys? I REALLY like this girl. She is my age and isn't a student, so we already have something in common. To make my story even more pathetic, I only know this info about her because one of my old friends who knows I have a crush on her went to school with her. He's the one that told me, not her. My only saving grace is, according to him, she's actually a very nervous person too. I don't get that vibe, though.

Anyway, I hope someone can help me. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time...

What did your friend mean when he said "Not her"?

Doh, sorry. I'm not a great writer. I meant that he was the one who told me that she isn't a student and is the same age as me, and that I did not get this information through conversation with her. Hope that clears it up for you.

Also, according to our faculty website, she has designed websites before, which means there is something else we have in common. I feel like that if I really got talking to her, there would be even more... But I am just soooo so bad at keeping a conversation going.

Like, so bad that my mind literally starts drawing complete blanks after talking for only 30 seconds.

Tell her she makes you nervous and turn it into a joke. "i'm so nervous I haven't even introduced myself! i'm ."

You can turn it into flattery, too. Stop by her office and say that you were trying to think of an excuse to come and see her, but couldn't. Maybe she has a suggestion! And boom, you're flirting.

Or, "Hi. I'm terrible at keeping a conversation going, but I keep wanting to talk to you anyway. Help a poor guy out?"

Let yourself be nervous and let her be in on it. She sounds like a cool girl and she sounds like she might be into you, too.

Thanks whes! I kind of get the feeling that she might be interested, too. She seems kind of nerdy/dorky for being such a *hot* girl, which is a huge turn on for me, cause I'm a nerd.

The time before last that I saw her, I again had to ask her where an office was. Instead of just telling me, she walked with me. It was upstairs. She said, "Well, I have to go upstairs anyway so I'll just show you." But once she showed me where the office was, she went back downstairs! So maybe she was making an excuse just to walk with me? It was a really hot day and she was telling me about how she felt bad for her plants, which I found extremely cute. She seems like a very homey type, although looking at her you would think that she's the type who gets all the guys. According to my friend she is single and has been for a while.

Well, I have to bring a keyboard over to that gym on Monday... I've gotta do it then! I've gotta at least introduce myself and at least get into the friend zone. Then I could ask her if she has a facebook or something to keep contact... Sound like a good idea?

Actually, i would stay away from Facebook. Because then all the contact you have will be face to face which is much more memorable and rewarding. Instead, ask her if she would like to have lunch one day at "this place I've heard has great food. I've been meaning to check it out. Would you like to join me? You can tell me more about ."

haha yeah you're right... That will definitely take a lot of courage from me, but I'll try to mentally prepare myself over the weekend.

I've only dated two girls in my life. The first one came on to me and we were both very young. The second one I asked out through a text message... so yeah. As you can see, I really suck at this stuff.

I guess it's time I step up to the plate, though. xD

Nah, you don't suck, you just haven't tried it yet!

I'm kind of excited for you! Let us know how it goes.

You know what, you're right!!! I've never thought about it that way!

I def will let you know.

Wow... you're really like a god send. I can't believe I've never looked at it like that. Instead I've just always thought I sucked at asking girls out... But I've literally NEVER tried it in person. Silly me.

Glad to help.

Start by saying something kina funny to break the ice like "look if I have to keep coming here to fix computers i'm going to have to start charging", have a wee smirk when saying it and when she laughs do it a wee bit too then say "by the way I should introduce myself I'm jim" or whatever your name is.

By breaking the ice with something like that you are making yourself more comfortable by having here laugh, which will put you at ease then you do the intro.

BB

Thanks, boyblue. That's a good idea. Any ideas to help break the ice are welcome.

I really shouldn't worry, though. The biggest reason I like this girl so far is because she seems very down to earth and the way she talks and carries herself reminds me of myself, so I have a feeling we'd get along great as long as I can just be myself and not worry about what she's thinking.

Well, things didn't work to my advantage today. I didn't get called to her building until late in the day. When I got there, she wasn't at her desk, so I went about my business and figured I might still run into her while working in the building. When I walked by her desk on the way out, she was there, but looked busy helping someone on the phone and was looking down (she didn't see me).

Of course, since I'm not really more than a stranger to her still, I didn't wait around for her to get off the phone. I didn't want to seem creepy and like I said she looked very busy.

So I missed my chance today, but the people I was helping today say they will need me again tomorrow to set up a computer for a new employee. Hopefully I will run into her then.

I'm just worried that all this build up is going to make me over-think the situation and either

A) chicken out, or

B) get nervous and start stuttering, lose eye contact, become self-conscious, etc.

Those are the two things that almost always happen to me when I talk to a nice/pretty girl, and I really don't want either of them to happen this time.

I think it's a little late to worry about over-thinking, don't you? Whes gave you some great advice. Think about something to joke about with her. Laughter really helps break the ice (anxiety and tension). Just set a goal to introduce yourself. That's it. If it goes well, then you can take it from there. But keep your hurdle low. That will keep the pressure and nervousness away, and help to get her off that pedestal. Don't walk up to her thinking she's the love of your life and future mother of your children and you absolutely have to introduce yourself, get her number, setup a date and sweep her off her feet. That baloney only happens in movies. She sounds really nice and maybe already likes you too - now go say "hello, I'm Belts."

Yeah, you're right. The only reason I was over-thinking is because today didn't go how I had planned. But I need to drop plans and just go with the flow. Simple.

I just got called over to her building to set up another laptop for someone. She wasn't in her office today. It was the first thing I checked and I was ready to introduce myself and feeling confident.

Unfortunately, there was a guy about my age sitting where she normally is. He was talking to one of the other girls who works there. I stopped and chatted, introduced myself, and joked around a bit with them. They asked if there was anything they could help me with and I almost asked them if they knew where the girl (my interest) was, but I decided not to. I didn't want to seem creepy if they asked me why and I didn't have a reason.

Now I'm out of reasons to go over there, unless I get another call.

Should I just simply go to her with no reason other than to introduce myself, or will she think it's weird that I went so out of my way just for that?

yes, yes yes....please, just walk in and ask her if she'd be interested in getting a coffee/ice cream whatever after work. She has shown you she's interested. Go for it.....or as the Nike ad says....just do it.

Ugh.. I know it should be that simple. If only she was there earlier or monday. As time goes on, the more stupid stuff I worry about.

Like today, I don't even want to go back over... I mean, I do, but what if she's not there again? Her co-workers were already commenting on how much they've seen me lately. They know I don't have any more work to do there.

And if she is there, she might not be alone. What if she's working with the other guy I saw who was our age? I'd feel too awkward to ask her out with him right there... or anyone else for that matter. I wish there was a way for me to know when she is there, and when she is alone so I don't have to worry about other people.

I forgot to mention, her office isn't right there when you walk into the building. I actually have to go out of my way to get to it.

That's why I'm feeling kind of anxious about it at the moment. I can't just keep showing up hoping she'll be there, because when she is not, other people are and they wonder what I am doing...

Bah... I bit the bullet and tried again. Sure enough, she wasn't there. I'm guessing she must be on vacation or something.

I guess I'll wait until Friday or next week to try again.

I just wish she would be there... I've already wasted so much courage lol. That and I want to ask her before the students come back at the end of the month. She is very good looking and works in a gym, so if I don't get my chance soon, I'm afraid some stud football player will.

Stop worrying about it and just let it happen, don't try and make it happen because it won't, don't keep going over there for no apparent reason as you will come accross as nervous and suspect because you have went with the sole purpose of chatting to her, which will make you feel nervous.

BB

Yeah... I worry too much. The only thing is that work in the gym comes in spurts for me, usually months apart. There could be a chance that I don't get called back to her area for another 3 months. Of course, I don't want to wait that long...

But I know what you mean. Going over there just to see her does make me way more nervous. I have no excuse to back off on if something goes wrong. I guess I'll wait a few days and take my mind off the whole thing. It's hard to though... She really is so nice and the way she smiles at me just melts me away on the inside. The fact that she's a knock-out is just a bonus, and also the reason why I feel like I need to ask her soon. I'm sure I'm not the only one interested in her. xD

Maybe I'm just crazy. I'm already making way too much out of the whole situation and I STILL haven't even introduced myself. >.

Even if she already knows you're nervous which you alluded to in the OP, I dislike the idea of flat out telling her you're nervous.

Be mindful of your posture, body language and manner of speaking. Keep your hands visible and down at your side. Stand straight and keep your shoulders back and broad. Keep your neck in line with the rest of your spine. Don't walk too quickly. Maintain eye contact. Not only with her, with anyone.

When speaking, slow it down some if you get too nervous. Make your voice a little deeper (just a tad) and project more if possible. Not like Barry White-deep, but to the point where you don't draw attention to it if you hitch a little.

I know it seems nit-picky, but trust me, she's noticing. A man can be 6-8 and 350 pounds and still look "small" in the manner in which he carries himself.

Just try to build your interactions a little. Do we know if she's single? In any event, I would just keep the interactions fairly brief. Don't stay for too long talking to her, even if you think it's going well.

Then we can talk more about how she acts and what she says when she's interacting with you and go from there.

Thanks, superman. Luckily, I'm already working on my overall well-being and my presence around others.

I agree with you that telling her I am nervous wouldn't be a good idea. It might be flattering if I already knew her fairly well, but since I'm still not much more than a stranger to her, I could see telling her that I'm nervous as a huge turn-off.

The main problem I have with the whole situation right now is the fact that I may not be working in her building again for a long time. I don't want to have to force conversation with her, as that would make me even more nervous, but I also don't want to wait a month or more to see her again. It might be far too late by then. Any tips on this would be greatly appreciated.

As for her having a boyfriend, my friend who knows her from high-school and has her as a friend on facebook told me that she is single.

Just go in during lunch break and ask her out. You don't need an excuse. Waiting for an excuse (i.e. computer delivery) makes it more likely you'll chicken out and not tell her you're interested. If you go in with the sole intention of talking to her and asking her out, that will come accross even better.