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Your thoughts on Pre-Nups?


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When you say large, what kind of $$ are you talking ---- millions? Because, honestly, for less than that level, really not necessary. If you own a home, don't put his name of the title; your retirement money....not his for the asking.

 

On the whole, I think they are good precautions, but it depends on circumstance.

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Prenuptials are very important...because without it divorces can end up pretty messy. As someone once said to me: "I know the person I am marrying but I don't know the person I could be divorcing". In other words, people change and when a marriage goes bad you don't know how nasty the other person is going to get. Consider a prenuptial agreement as an insurance policy. You are insuring yourself in case there is a marriage disaster.

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Personally for me I would not have one. For me it means the person is looking for a way of backing out before they even marry and they also have no real intention of sharing.

 

But if you plan on staying together forever, what would signing it do....nothing. I would do it

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But if you plan on staying together forever, what would signing it do....nothing. I would do it

 

Yes, it would. To me in my mind, they have very real plans of not sticking around. That would stay in my mind. Nobody who has an out plan has REAL intentions of forever.

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I own three companies, commercial buildings, and a lot of land throughout the US. He has no assets and some debt that I will be tak care of when we get married. So, I actually do have a high net worth.

 

I see what Victoria66 is saying. I don't believe in them, but am I being a fool for not considering it?

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I own three companies, commercial buildings, and a lot of land throughout the US. He has no assets and some debt that I will be tak care of when we get married. So, I actually do have a high net worth.

 

I see what Victoria66 is saying. I don't believe in them, but am I being a fool for not considering it?

 

I think that you would have to know him REALLY well as a person before marriage. Know what he values and if he TRULY values you. I think though however to me and I just make this judgement for myself, anyone who wants a pre nup is not really looking at forever, they are looking at the end already before they even start. I can see why you would really have to think though.

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I understand the basis behind a pre-nuptial agreement with wanting to protect your earnings/assets though I do not necessarily agree with them. It's almost like you don't fully trust your partner and if you don't then what's the point of marrying them? If someone is that worried about their assets and thinking about well what will happen in the divorce then I wouldn't bother getting married and just live with the person. It's like you're already setting yourself to have a failed marriage.

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Than I would definitely do it, considering your assets. This is what you have accumulated in your life --- it is yours. He, on the other hand, has accumulated debt, which is apparently, also yours. You can structure the pre nup anyway you want, such as:

 

anything accumulated in the course of our marriage will be equally shared. What we bring to the table remains solely our own.

 

Having a pre nup is not saying you don't love or trust them. It says you are protecting yourself.

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I understand the basis behind a pre-nuptial agreement with wanting to protect your earnings/assets though I do not necessarily agree with them. It's almost like you don't fully trust your partner and if you don't then what's the point of marrying them? If someone is that worried about their assets and thinking about well what will happen in the divorce then I wouldn't bother getting married and just live with the person. It's like you're already setting yourself to have a failed marriage.

 

That is the thing. My brother's wife asked for a pre nup before they got married( what for I do not know, since all she owned at the time was 15 year old car) and my brother said " ok well nice knowing ya" and got up and walked out the door. She had to chase him down the street and beg for him back. If you are not going to be all in, really why be married?

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Come on people --- she has several properties, etc and he has nothing. And she is supposed to say "I love you, I totally believe that this will work" and basically sign over half of everything she owns 3 years from now when he says....it's not working?

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Come on people --- she has several properties, etc and he has nothing. And she is supposed to say "I love you, I totally believe that this will work" and basically sign over half of everything she owns 3 years from now when he says....it's not working?

 

You pretty much just proved my point...if you think this way why get married? Setting up for a failed marriage.

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Hmm...I don't see it as just about us or an actual reflection of the relationship. I think of it as protecting future children, my partners, and the corporations from having them dismantled. I don't think of it as just about me to consider. I dunno. I've never thought of one until my mom said something yesterday. The thought of it makes me uneasy, because if the it was the other way around, I'd be really upset.

 

I have to ask his thoughts on them, but I don't want him to take it the wrong way. I plan on being everything I can for him and more...I just am not sure if I'm screwing everyone else if anything happened.

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You may know the person you are marrying, but you do not know the person you may divorce one day. They are not the same person.

 

I had a prenup, and I've been married 17 years. I've seen many people enter into marriage with a severe financial imbalance without a prenup, because "Divorce is not an option, and a prenup says it is"

 

Guess where they are? Divorced and half their assets lighter for the experience.

 

Thing is, when a relationship goes south the easiest way to hurt someone who no longer feels anything for you is in the wallet. Read the divorce boards.

 

You KNOW your degree of commitment, you believe you know theirs. If the principle of it is worth risking half your assets, then don't get one. Not to mention that I'd hazzard to guess that 98% of people who initiate divorce, never, ever thought they ever would when they got married. I believe we pretty much ALL mean it when we say "I do"..You just don't know what the future will bring, whether you will grow together, or apart....

 

DH didn't care about signing one, and neither did I. We knew it was going to prove to be a worthless piece of paper, so it was no big deal. But we did it anyway, in part to appease family members, in part to assure ourselves that what little we had, would be protected and not wasted on legal fees fighting over what was left if a divorce DID occur.

 

Personally, if the person who had everything to gain kicked up a fuss about a prenup being unromantic or whatever, it would raise huge flags for me.

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Yes, it would. To me in my mind, they have very real plans of not sticking around. That would stay in my mind. Nobody who has an out plan has REAL intentions of forever.

 

The keyword here is "intention". Both people can intend on being in it "forever" but also acknowledge the simple fact that none of us can predict the future. What percentage of people who undergo a divorce actually intended on that happening? Likely a very, very small percentage. The fact of the matter is that time changes all things, including marriages, in ways we cannot anticipate now. Pre-nups help protect people should they find themselves wanting to separate in the future, regardless of how adamant or sure they believe that will not happen now.

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Scenario1: She has $2 million. Makes $3 million in future. No prenup. Stays married til death do us part. She dies first. He gets $5 million.

 

Scenario2: She has $2 million. Makes $3 million in future. Prenup. Stays married til death do us part. She dies first. Her $2 million goes to whomever she wants (could be husband, doesn't have to). He gets $3 million. (Pls remember, he did not add to this --- he came in with debt!)

 

Scenario3: She has $2 million. Makes $3 million in future. No prenup. Divorce (doesnt' matter who's fault). He gets $2.5 million.

 

Scenario4: She has $2 million. Makes $3 million in future. Prenup. Divorce (doesn't matter whose fault). He gets $1.5 million.

 

Regardless of scenario, he will always be "rewarded" for duration of marriage. While I agree that marriage isn't a business relationship, it is naive to believe that money doesn't play a part. There is no way that she would not bear the burden of trusting him, especially as it is a marriage of unequal assets.

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OP, certainly sit down and discuss it with him. I think you'd you know how to broach to him and whether or not he'll be upset or offended. Just get his take in general terms like such and such have a pre-nup how do you feel about those? And gauge his reaction.

 

I know for me if my SO presented me with one I would feel like he didn't trust me fully and not understand my character. I would question our relationship if he did that to me.

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The thing is I see a pre nup as a negative intention to begin with. I see it as I am here for now, but eh maybe in 5 years I won't be. I would not enter a marriage where I felt that is what the person's intention was.

 

I agree. I would not enter into a marriage were there was a prenup. My fiance makes much more than I do and is in a better place but this has never once come up. For us, our money will be together. If your a couple who doesn't want your money together then I guess a prenup makes more sense.

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