Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

  1. #1
    tygerwolf
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Age
    25
    Posts
    103
    Gender
    Female

    What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

    I've been talking to this guy for about 4 months now. We started off having a lot of phone conversations. He wanted to know everything about me.
    He is very, very honest. He had recently gotten out of a very bad breakup. A relationship that lasted 3 years and ended with her cheating on him. I felt bad for him. So anyways we've been talking for months since then and have gotten together several times. We ended up sleeping together and have done so more than once. The sex is great, the chemistry is definitely there. He tells me many many times that he likes me. BUT? He has told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. Hes just not doing it again. He admitted that the root of it is from his last badly ended relationship. He doesnt want to get into that again. And yet we actually do act like we are dating. At least I think so... Heres some of the things he does that makes me think its more than just friends with benefits or something...

    - He loves kissing me and often looks me in the eyes just to do so. He does this often during sex too. Says he loves it when we lock eyes.
    - He cuddles without sex always involved. Hand holding, slow dancing, soft caresses, nose nuzzling, soft kisses on my cheek and forehead. Sweet
    stuff.
    - Seems to imply often what he needs to do to "keep me round." Sometimes he seems to seek reassurance from me actually.
    - Introduced me to his family BUT introduced me as a friend. (so I guess its good and bad.)
    - Tells me about his friends often. He will even show me his text messages.
    - When we hang out we do often times have sex. But most of the time is spent doing other things together. Watching movies, talking, cuddling,
    eating, playing video games together. He enjoys spending the night.
    - He looks to me for my opinion. Says im one of his best friends.
    - If im upset about something, he is very sweet and reassuring.
    - He at least agreed to sexual monogamy. He doesnt want anyone else.

    Some bad things:

    - He doesn't seem too comfortable discussing our feelings. He will compliment me often, not just physically but I get the feeling he avoids emotional conversation.
    - He doesn't ask too much about my personal life anymore. A lot of our conversations revolve around the here and now, or are about him. We do have great conversation. And he asks for my opinion. He just likes to talk about himself a lot.
    - He used to call every day when we first started talking. Now we only text. Several times a week.
    - Biggest bad? He told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. His exact words? "Relationships just come with too much bull* * * * . Why change something if its already good? Why add all the fake things?

    Most of these things just seem too relationshipy to me. I dont know if he just fears the title or something but he said he just WONT do it. What am I to think and do about it? I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used. Perhaps he just needs times to lick his wounds so to speak...

    All help and advice is appreciated! Im new to this community!

  2. #2
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used.

    Why don't you take sex off the menu and see what happens? You can still be a good friend to him. He's told you that he's not looking for a relationship.

    Just because he's sleeping with you, does not mean he has feelings for you. It might just be great sex. So don't confuse that with him caring.

    You will soon see how much he cares when the sex is gone and your just offering friendship.

  3. #3
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    35
    Posts
    31,552
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    6007
    I hate to tell you this, but it's a gloried FWB. He's nice to you, but you are a FRIEND and you give him BENEFITS. That's it. If you want more, you need to make that clear to him and see what he says. It sounds more to me like you are his "wind up girl." Aka, you are the companion that transitions him until "Miss Right" comes along and he gets into a relationship with her.

    Edit: I think taking sex off the table is important because you are obviously going to get hurt if he doesn't want more.

  4. #4
    Ariel85
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    3,695
    Thanked
    2
    He has been honest with you from the get-go that he doesn't want a relationship.

    You can twist it and spin it as much as you like, but it's not going to change this fact.

    Are you being used? Um, no. If he was leading you on that this was more than a good time and sex, then yes. But he's been quite clear about his intentions.

Top Threads
Weight and eating during dates
Hi, been a while since I've posted here. Anyway been dating a guy for last few months, everything seemed to be going pretty well for the most part
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship. Heís great in every sense. Heís smart, funny, attractive, but he seems way too preoccupied
She cancelled our date and I had no time to make other plans
The girl I was scheduled to meet today cancelled on meet through text last night and I was left with no other options tonight and home alone. I
Does she like me or not?
I met a girl from online dating, after the first date we kissed, she told me at the end of the date that she wanted to see me again and asked if I
Dating a highly functional alcoholic
I have realized over time that my boyfriend of a couple of months has a problem with alcohol. Every time we hang out, he drinks a whole bottle of
Am i being materialisitc/superficial
my friend has been bugging me for some time now, saying that I will never settle down with a man unless I lower my standards. I'm a young 29 year
How important are looks in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love?
How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love? What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face?
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •