Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

  1. #1
    tygerwolf
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Age
    25
    Posts
    103
    Gender
    Female

    What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

    I've been talking to this guy for about 4 months now. We started off having a lot of phone conversations. He wanted to know everything about me.
    He is very, very honest. He had recently gotten out of a very bad breakup. A relationship that lasted 3 years and ended with her cheating on him. I felt bad for him. So anyways we've been talking for months since then and have gotten together several times. We ended up sleeping together and have done so more than once. The sex is great, the chemistry is definitely there. He tells me many many times that he likes me. BUT? He has told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. Hes just not doing it again. He admitted that the root of it is from his last badly ended relationship. He doesnt want to get into that again. And yet we actually do act like we are dating. At least I think so... Heres some of the things he does that makes me think its more than just friends with benefits or something...

    - He loves kissing me and often looks me in the eyes just to do so. He does this often during sex too. Says he loves it when we lock eyes.
    - He cuddles without sex always involved. Hand holding, slow dancing, soft caresses, nose nuzzling, soft kisses on my cheek and forehead. Sweet
    stuff.
    - Seems to imply often what he needs to do to "keep me round." Sometimes he seems to seek reassurance from me actually.
    - Introduced me to his family BUT introduced me as a friend. (so I guess its good and bad.)
    - Tells me about his friends often. He will even show me his text messages.
    - When we hang out we do often times have sex. But most of the time is spent doing other things together. Watching movies, talking, cuddling,
    eating, playing video games together. He enjoys spending the night.
    - He looks to me for my opinion. Says im one of his best friends.
    - If im upset about something, he is very sweet and reassuring.
    - He at least agreed to sexual monogamy. He doesnt want anyone else.

    Some bad things:

    - He doesn't seem too comfortable discussing our feelings. He will compliment me often, not just physically but I get the feeling he avoids emotional conversation.
    - He doesn't ask too much about my personal life anymore. A lot of our conversations revolve around the here and now, or are about him. We do have great conversation. And he asks for my opinion. He just likes to talk about himself a lot.
    - He used to call every day when we first started talking. Now we only text. Several times a week.
    - Biggest bad? He told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. His exact words? "Relationships just come with too much bull* * * * . Why change something if its already good? Why add all the fake things?

    Most of these things just seem too relationshipy to me. I dont know if he just fears the title or something but he said he just WONT do it. What am I to think and do about it? I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used. Perhaps he just needs times to lick his wounds so to speak...

    All help and advice is appreciated! Im new to this community!

  2. #2
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    31
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used.

    Why don't you take sex off the menu and see what happens? You can still be a good friend to him. He's told you that he's not looking for a relationship.

    Just because he's sleeping with you, does not mean he has feelings for you. It might just be great sex. So don't confuse that with him caring.

    You will soon see how much he cares when the sex is gone and your just offering friendship.

  3. #3
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    35
    Posts
    29,843
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4154
    I hate to tell you this, but it's a gloried FWB. He's nice to you, but you are a FRIEND and you give him BENEFITS. That's it. If you want more, you need to make that clear to him and see what he says. It sounds more to me like you are his "wind up girl." Aka, you are the companion that transitions him until "Miss Right" comes along and he gets into a relationship with her.

    Edit: I think taking sex off the table is important because you are obviously going to get hurt if he doesn't want more.

  4. #4
    Ariel85
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    3,695
    Thanked
    1
    He has been honest with you from the get-go that he doesn't want a relationship.

    You can twist it and spin it as much as you like, but it's not going to change this fact.

    Are you being used? Um, no. If he was leading you on that this was more than a good time and sex, then yes. But he's been quite clear about his intentions.

Top Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
I cannot read this guy
Not really sure that I'm looking for advice or just looking for an outlet for my thoughts. So, met a guy. I'd previously mentioned he was wanting
Potential trouble between current fling and ex.Need advice
Hello all.Okay so I'm a 34 y/o male there someone in my life that means the world to me .Someone that i'm very much in love with. I've been seeing
Dating help! I'm no expert lol
Okay we met online a month ago on tinder. He's 38 I'm 27. He doesn't look his age.Immediately got along great , very easy to make conversation with
Intense chemistry then he calls it off?
Hey guys. I was wondering if anyone could give advice or shed some light on a situation I had. I got speaking to a guy, he lives an hour and a
Dating Across Racial Lines
Dating Across Racial Lines Hello guys, thank you for taking the time to read this! Something thatís been bugging me for a while and I was hoping
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Featured Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Spouse's lack of ambition is frustrating
I recently got married. About eight months prior to our wedding my now husband was laid off from work. He decided not to look for work as wedding
Petty, petty arguments
Hello all!! My partner who I've been with for a few years is 7 years older than me yet his maturity level is not where mine is. This is not a
Blocked by crush. Will NC work?
Last month a guy I had being talking to for about 3 months blocked me. He said the excessive calling and texting was starting to he to much. Prior to
Child Support.. Pursue or Not Pursue?
I'm needing a little advice about how Child Support works. My Ex Fiance decided at 7 weeks he didn't want my child. I was told in no uncertain terms
Millennial-aged men: could you really date someone like me?
(I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It's hard even to type about.) Three years ago, I had been working as a prosecutor for two years. My boyfriend and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •