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Thread: What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    What exactly are we? He says he doesnt want a relationship, but...

    I've been talking to this guy for about 4 months now. We started off having a lot of phone conversations. He wanted to know everything about me.
    He is very, very honest. He had recently gotten out of a very bad breakup. A relationship that lasted 3 years and ended with her cheating on him. I felt bad for him. So anyways we've been talking for months since then and have gotten together several times. We ended up sleeping together and have done so more than once. The sex is great, the chemistry is definitely there. He tells me many many times that he likes me. BUT? He has told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. Hes just not doing it again. He admitted that the root of it is from his last badly ended relationship. He doesnt want to get into that again. And yet we actually do act like we are dating. At least I think so... Heres some of the things he does that makes me think its more than just friends with benefits or something...

    - He loves kissing me and often looks me in the eyes just to do so. He does this often during sex too. Says he loves it when we lock eyes.
    - He cuddles without sex always involved. Hand holding, slow dancing, soft caresses, nose nuzzling, soft kisses on my cheek and forehead. Sweet
    - Seems to imply often what he needs to do to "keep me round." Sometimes he seems to seek reassurance from me actually.
    - Introduced me to his family BUT introduced me as a friend. (so I guess its good and bad.)
    - Tells me about his friends often. He will even show me his text messages.
    - When we hang out we do often times have sex. But most of the time is spent doing other things together. Watching movies, talking, cuddling,
    eating, playing video games together. He enjoys spending the night.
    - He looks to me for my opinion. Says im one of his best friends.
    - If im upset about something, he is very sweet and reassuring.
    - He at least agreed to sexual monogamy. He doesnt want anyone else.

    Some bad things:

    - He doesn't seem too comfortable discussing our feelings. He will compliment me often, not just physically but I get the feeling he avoids emotional conversation.
    - He doesn't ask too much about my personal life anymore. A lot of our conversations revolve around the here and now, or are about him. We do have great conversation. And he asks for my opinion. He just likes to talk about himself a lot.
    - He used to call every day when we first started talking. Now we only text. Several times a week.
    - Biggest bad? He told me straight out that he doesnt want a relationship. His exact words? "Relationships just come with too much bull* * * * . Why change something if its already good? Why add all the fake things?

    Most of these things just seem too relationshipy to me. I dont know if he just fears the title or something but he said he just WONT do it. What am I to think and do about it? I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used. Perhaps he just needs times to lick his wounds so to speak...

    All help and advice is appreciated! Im new to this community!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    I honestly dont care about a title, just as long as im not being used.

    Why don't you take sex off the menu and see what happens? You can still be a good friend to him. He's told you that he's not looking for a relationship.

    Just because he's sleeping with you, does not mean he has feelings for you. It might just be great sex. So don't confuse that with him caring.

    You will soon see how much he cares when the sex is gone and your just offering friendship.

  3. #3
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    United States
    I hate to tell you this, but it's a gloried FWB. He's nice to you, but you are a FRIEND and you give him BENEFITS. That's it. If you want more, you need to make that clear to him and see what he says. It sounds more to me like you are his "wind up girl." Aka, you are the companion that transitions him until "Miss Right" comes along and he gets into a relationship with her.

    Edit: I think taking sex off the table is important because you are obviously going to get hurt if he doesn't want more.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    He has been honest with you from the get-go that he doesn't want a relationship.

    You can twist it and spin it as much as you like, but it's not going to change this fact.

    Are you being used? Um, no. If he was leading you on that this was more than a good time and sex, then yes. But he's been quite clear about his intentions.

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