Confession: I can't cope with my baby anymore

So, I've posted a little about this but it was tacked on to another thread and I feel that I really need to say it plainly now: I hate being a mum. I love love love my little bit but I hate everything about this. There. I said it. And I feel like the most useless, horrible person alive.

My baby cries and cries and cries- all of the time. He wakes, feeds and then cries till he sleeps and I can't cope with it anymore. I know it's not his fault and he seems to be in pain but I can't bear, I would do anything to make it better for him but there doesn't seen to be anything! The doctor keeps saying it's colic and I've used every colic remedy on the market and nothing works, I've tried treating it as a lactose intolerance and reflux and that doesn't work either. I even think he might have teeth coming now- he has White bumps on his gums and is drooling and rubbing his mouth. Also the bobbing and rocking and the bouncing doesn't seen to work anymore. He is 10 1/2 weeks and still wakes 3 or 4 times a night. My arms ache, my legs ache, my back aches and I'm exhausted! I find myself just getting him off to sleep however I can and then sitting perfectly still in silence to keep him asleep as long as possible because at least then he's not crying.

I feel ridiculously guilty for feeling this way but some days I just sit and cry with him and wish that someone would come and take him away and I could have my old life back. The life where I was in control and knew what I was doing. I know I would never hurt him, but sometimes I will pick him up or put him down a but roughly out of frustration and it makes me feel so horrible that I put him safely in his moses basket and lock myself in the bathroom while he cries!

I feel trapped in the house with him because I'm scared of him kicking off when we are out and people looking at me like I'm incompetent, or hurting him. We don't have any fun together at all.

I'm supposed to be going out tonight for a very good friends hen night (this would be my first time leaving him for more than an hour or so) and I'm terrified. Firstly to leave him with anyone- because if I (and I love him more than anything) have to lock myself in the bathroom for fear of hurting him- how is someone else going to cope? And secondly because I feel like I look disgusting and fat and tired and I think I have forgotten how to socialise!!

I know I am on the edge and probably need to get some help, but I feel like if I say this to anyone, someone will realise how unfit I am and take him away forever and as much as I may feel like I don't want him sometimes, I would die without him. I was looking forward to being a mother so much, it was about the only thing I really wanted from life and it is turning into the most miserable existence I could have imagined. And life must be pretty miserable for him too.

I am sorry you're feeling this way. On the sleeping thing -get Weissbluth's book which explains sleep cycles and schedules for 10.5 week old babies -seems totally normal that he's waking up 3-4 times a night.

But -yes - you need to get help ASAP - both a therapist who might explore anti-depressants or other meds with you plus someone to help you with the baby in the meanwhile. You are not useless or horrible -you're just overwhelmed and sleep deprived and potentially depressed which should be checked out by a doctor(even your baby's pediatrician should do this -he's supposed to make sure you're ok too).

It's also essential for both of you that you get outside at least a half hour a day - everyone expects a newborn to cry -don't worry about that -go for a walk, get coffee, go to the store.

The first time I went out for an evening was when my baby was 10 weeks old -it felt weird but I'm glad I did it( same situation as yours -a friend's bday dinner).

Hang in there.

Is it? 3 of my friends had babies within the same month as me and all their babies have been sleeping through the night (10/11 till 5/6) from between 6 and 8 weeks!! My LO seems to think 2am is awake time (probably because I get him to sleep so much through the day), and that's the only hour or so he's awake where he's not screaming but I'm exhausted! During the day he will only sleep in my arms or on a pillow on the sofa- so I can't even sleep when he sleeps!

I've been taking him out in the car, he seems to like it but it doesn't matter if he cries, cos it's still just us!

Aw Bella, sorry to hear this. Go to your GP and discuss how you feel. They are there to help and have seen this countless times before, honestly. Being chronically sleep deprived is awful, it's difficult to understand until you've experienced it. Plus it effects some parents more than others. I'm the worst without enough sleep, even now. Reach out for help, I read before that your mum offers to take care of him, take it up and ensure you rest. I agree that getting outside daily is essential but if you don't always manage it with baby, take yourself off to a local coffee shop to get some outside/adult interaction. With a little distance and more rest you will feel so much better and more in control. Please don't suffer alone.

Oh, Bella I do feel for you! My guy is a little older than yours (he is about to be 15 weeks) and he JUST started to sleep through the night this week. My guy also will scream and scream, sometimes worse than others. He has reflux and is on medication for that, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. He is definitely getting to be a little easier though, the older he gets, but he still has his days. I totally understand what you're going through. I am lucky that my husband helps A LOT. Without him I'd go nuts. I wish had advice, but I don't, I just wanted to offer you support.

PS. Please get out of the house. I have noticed that sometimes when my MIL watches him while I work a few hours a week, he is much happier because he has a new face to entertain him! I went out with some girlfriends the other night for the first time, and I felt SO refreshed.

I wouldn't worry about the babysitter having him for an hour. Since it's only an hour, they won't feel anywhere near as overwhelmed as you are right now. In fact, I'd suggest you try to find anyone you trust to babysit him more often. Doing this alone, completely alone, is ruining you. But if you could just find someone to help out, a few hours, once in a while, it'd make a world of difference and give you some "me time". Also, have you heard of postpartum depression? You could very well be suffering from it, and might want to talk to a doctor about it.

Your Mom has offered help and you've been reluctant to take it. This is the woman who raised, at the very least, you--so why not trust her?

Instead of being stubborn and drilling yourself down into a self destructive hole, why not decide, instead, to accept all help offered to you? There may be even more help available if you can allow your Mom to relieve you long enough to get some sleep and clear your head. Then you can start with a call to your doc or hospital for a referral to a social worker. From there you can learn how to initiate help that you can control rather than lapsing into a harmful state to cause all future choices to be taken from you.

Hang in there.

I'm so very sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with the others, you should definitely leave the baby with a sitter just for a little bit so you can have some 'you' time. There is nothing wrong with that, you actually need it right now. If you are feeling uneasy about leaving him, try it in baby steps. Leave him for an hour, go grab some tea somewhere and see how it goes for you and the baby. If all was okay then next time leave him for 90 minutes and see how you feel.

I agree with the others, it is time to take the help offered to you. Really, you will feel better for it. You are piling too much on yourself. Take a break!! Let people help you. Go to your dr, being sleep deprived can make you depressed. Stop trying to be super woman and think you don't need help. Everyone NEEDS help at one time or another and there is no shame in asking for help or getting help. If you do not take care of yourself you can not take care of your son. I feel bad for you, I really do. I remember the sleep deprived days.My son never stayed asleep an entire night till he was 7 years old. First it was to fed all through the night and then it was sleep walking. I did not sleep an an entire night in those 7 years, it can make you a bit squirrely.

How did it go last night, Bella? Did you manage to enjoy yourself a little bit?

Yeah, it went okay actually! I felt a bit like myself again!! Me and the LO had a slightly better day yesterday, I think the break did us both good!

He sounds just like my son was as an infant. He might have acid reflux. Ask your pediatrician to give you a referral to a GI specialist for him.

You really need to talk to your doctor too so that you can get some treatment/help for your own mental health.

I've been there before and it is so difficult. I could have written your posts myself. It's like looking in the mirror. My son's infancy was nothing short of Hell. He was a very unhappy baby and screamed day and night. I used to eat brownies at 3am to deal with it.

I wish I lived close by you because I'd go over and watch him for 24 hours so you could get a real break.

Try this forum link removed It was really helpful to me and the moms there are very wise. They have a section called "HELP!" if you are at you wits end and don't know what to do.

Try Harvey Karps book "The Happiest Baby on the Block", and always remember you do your child no good if you are burnt out, tired and resentful. You owe it to your CHILD to take care of yourself. So swallow your pride and accept the help offered so that you child can get the BEST of you, not just ALL of you.

Bella, please don't focus on comparing other babies to him in regards to sleeping through the night. I KNOW it's exhausting and it's hard not to..but all babies are different! My son will be one on Friday and he still wakes up 3 to 4 times a night. It's crazy emotionally exhausting but I will tell you..it was 100 times worse when I had post partum depression. At times I wouldn't want to be around my son..just cry for no reason..wish I had my old life back. After I finally saw a doctor and started doing breathing exercises and talking about my issues, I felt so much better.

oh man do I feel ya one this one. BUT - If you are able to hang in there, they DO out grow that. I know, believe me, I KNOW how insufferable and insurmountable it seems. But it DOES change. I'm glad you got a break and I hope you get a few more. They will do you worlds of good to help you pass the time - this very, very difficult time... BOL

Try Harvey Karps book "The Happiest Baby on the Block", and always remember you do your child no good if you are burnt out, tired and resentful. You owe it to your CHILD to take care of yourself. So swallow your pride and accept the help offered so that you child can get the BEST of you, not just ALL of you.

I found two suggestions on the DVD helpful (my husband didn't find any of it helpful). I'm sure the book is helpful, too, but the DVD is short and you might be more focused on watching a dvd than having to read when you're tired/out of sorts. Good luck.

Yeah- there is no way I could read a book right now! A friend gave me a book by Gina Ford but again, had trouble reading it and I didn't really like it anyway. Seemed like crazy talk to me!

Bells, I wish you did live near by! I would definitely take you up on that!! My mum does look after the little one fairly regularly but I never seem to be able to relax, even when she does have him. It is still a massive help though, I 100% couldn't have got through this without her support!

We actually had 2 days which were much better. Sunday/ Monday we actually had some laughs and some smiles and a bit of routine going on but today we are back to square one. He started screaming the second his eyes were open at 6.30 am and only stopped to sleep between 8.30-9am, 2-4pm and he's just gone off to sleep now at nearly 10pm. I am exhausted! I just can't work out what was different today to make it so bad again!

Hi Bella,

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I am a nanny for my niece and it can really rough at times. I started watching her when she was about 9 months old. She would wake up every two hours, every night, my sister was completely sleep deprived and it certainly effected her a lot.

Your baby sounds like he could have a medical condition, some kind of GI issue. Try and see a specialist if you can. On the off chance this isn't a medical condition your baby could be reacting to how tense you feel. Babies pick up on these things I swear. My sister's mother in law watch my niece for a few months before I started and she would always react to everything is very intense ways. My niece would cry for an hour straight because of it. I am pretty laid back, calm person, when I started watching her there were no hour long cry sessions.

Take the help that is being offered so you can get yourself relaxed. Are you napping when you baby naps? If not you should start, it will make the sleep deprivation a lot less awful.

I found it so difficult to nap when my baby napped -either that wasn't a time I was tired enough to nap (or I was too overtired to nap) or circumstances prevented it (other people in the house, the baby would nap in a noisy way, etc). Sometimes it was frustrating to hear other people, although meaning well, say that I should just nap when the baby slept, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. For me, it wasn't.

Bells, I wish you did live near by! I would definitely take you up on that!! My mum does look after the little one fairly regularly but I never seem to be able to relax, even when she does have him. It is still a massive help though, I 100% couldn't have got through this without her support!

I used to feel the same exact way. Even when I was given a break it was never really a break in my mind. I could not relax and knew my break time was limited so I never felt truly free to enjoy it. I knew I was on borrowed time. lol I can laugh at it now but it was bad at the time. Even though I could not relax having people watch him kept me sane.

Just a small example of the type of baby my son was: He has a godmother that harassed me and my husband to have a child for YEARS. She proclaimed how she wanted to be a godmother so badly and how she would babysit and yada yada yada.

She watched my child ONCE . He was a month old at the time. Apparently he screamed for the entire 3 hours she was there (typical stuff or him lol). But it scared the living daylights out of her and she looked like she was run over by a truck when we came back. That was the first and only time she babysat for us in the 4 years the kid has been alive. I think she got PTSD from it! lol

there is no way I could read a book right now!

LOL -yeah- forget that.It requires time and concentration. Those are 2 luxuraries you don't have with a "screamer". I promise it will get better. I never believed it when my son was a baby. But as soon as he outgrew the digestive issues he was a delight. Then when he learned to make other sounds he also communicated in ways OTHER than crying and screaming and that was nice!

Sometimes it was frustrating to hear other people, although meaning well, say that I should just nap when the baby slept, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. For me, it wasn't.

Same here, Batya33. I think well-meaning folks say that and don't remember what it is like to have "mother's ear". When my child slept I heard every sound he made- every sigh, gas sound, grunt, and movement of his bedding. I knew just when he was about to wake up too....his little feet would kick and then it was all over for me. Back to chaos. LOL He only napped about 1 hour total a day anyways (independently). That is when I would shower and shove food down, if I had the energy to. Any other time he slept he needed to be on me with me walking.

BellaStranger, does your son have a baby swing or a baby glider? At one point that was the ONLY thing my son would nap in. Sometimes with digestive issues the gentle motion and upright position/incline of the swing makes them feel better.

[...] BellaStranger, does your son have a baby swing or a baby glider? At one point that was the ONLY thing my son would nap in. Sometimes with digestive issues the gentle motion and upright position/incline of the swing makes them feel better.

That is a fabulous idea. Try local consignment shops. Can't hurt to try, and who knows? You could end up wanting to marry that thing!

Bella, have you considered talking to a therapist? You probably have postpartum depression. They can help you if that's the case.

Haha- that made me laugh! My LO has got everyone running scared... I think my sister might have been put off having children all together and all the offers of babysitting have dried up! There's only my mum left standing!!

I have found sleeping when he sleeps near impossible...mainly because during the day he tends to only be happy sleepig in my arms or on a pillow proped up on the sofa! I also don't know when I would get anything else done...a shower, bottles sterilised, hoovering, laundry... It's all well and good saying these things can wait, just look after yourself and the baby- but when your down to your last pair of pants, the laundry has to be done!!! And I'm combination feeding now, which has helped the night sleeping a bit- so I have to do the bottles.

I did buy him a bouncy chair which vibrates and plays music but he doesn't think much of it He will sit there happily for about 10mins and then starts screaming again. I have been reluctant to pay out for a swing in case he's the same with that! Do you think he might prefer a swing? Are they very different?

Everything seems impossible when you are sleep deprived. If you can let your mother take him one day a week and sleep a solid 12 hours that one night, it might help a lot.