Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: He doesnt care so why doesnt he break up with me??

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Leeds, United Kingdom

    He doesnt care so why doesnt he break up with me??


    Iím new so please be nice, I have been reading this forum for a few weeks but only today decided to write and ask for advice.

    I have been in a 4month relationship (I know itís not long), the guy is 21years old and has been screwing with my head.

    Basically the start of the relationship was great, he doesnít like talking on the phone but we used to text a lot. He works nights 10pm till 6am and would always text me at least once to during the night and always wanted to meet me during the week. He would go out of his way to stay in contact however he's an introvert with a really bad temper, someone who does not tell his problems to anyone, does not trust anyone and feels opening up will make him seem vulnerable. He's always kept himself slightly emotionally detached from me but blamed that on his ex who hurt him and left him for another man, at the start I kept my distance as did not want to get serious but he became a daily part of my life, I feel like iím addicted to him. He's a flirt I know and talks to girls whereas he's very insecure about me talking to guy's he actually told me to stop contacting my guy friends which I did not do as I have known them linger and he cannot control my life.

    Well we had sex on the 22nd may, it felt wonderful just sitting next to him watching telly after but a guy friend of mine texted me saying I got my contract mins this time I wonít use them on you as he's been confiding in me about his r/ship problems. My boyfriend saw this and I could feel the tension in the air, I explained everything to him asked him if he trusted me and he said yes he did, well after that day everything went downhill! He stopped contacting me or would try and make me jealous, I met him once to discuss our problems but he just laughed it off changed the convo and left after 20mins. It has been a month since I last saw him and he has detached himself from me, itís always me making the effort to talk to him. Last week I found out he was back in contact with his ex so I confronted him and he told me we broke up last may and Iím not with her etc.

    We have so many communication problems because he has built a wall around him and will go into shutdown mode if I even try talking about his problems so we canít communicate. He keeps saying I have changed but I have not so I donít understand where these feelings and thoughts come from. I broke up with him last month for a week, we had no contact but I could not resist and I contacted him, he seemed genuinely happy to talk to me but problems were raised again. He has a massive ego and is the type of person who would think 'she hasnít contacted me, I wonít contact her.'

    The big problem is that he wonít break up with me! He wonít end our relationship, itís always me who does it and I go running back. He is the type of person who would remove a ex girlfriend out of his life to move on but I canít, I want to stay friends and keep the hope that one day we might get back to how we used to be but I know now that wonít happen!

    He will go days without contacting me now and wonít bother until I text him, so last Wednesday I asked him why he wonít dump me and let me move on and his answer was because he doesnít want to and he loves me, but I donít feel that love 'vibe' from him anymore! I feel like a convenience some he talks to when he's bored. He did mention that he has had some problems and he'll be back to normal soon but I canít do this anymore!

    I told him we should go no contact and Iíll contact him once I have healed and I actually felt really good until I got a phone call at 4am while I was asleep, it threw me right back to square one, I keep thinking why, did he call? Does he miss me? Etc

    What should I do? Do I reply or what?

    Sorry for the long post I didnít know how to make it short.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Don't reply. This guy is really not available to you as relationship material for all the reasons you've put so clearly above. He would probably keep trying to contact you, and the reason for this is the same one that he wouldn't put himself into your relationship wholeheartedly either - it would mean some kind of definite commitment from him. Telling you it's over is as definite as being really dedicated to you, and he's not the sort of person to do either. Plus he can be confident that you'll keep contacting him no matter how badly he treats you.

    I don't think his pulling away from you had anything to do with the phone call from a guy friend, but because you'd actually had sex and the intimacy was threatening to him. When you ask why he doesn't dump you and let you move on, you are giving him all the power in the relationship. A better question would be to ask yourself why you don't dump him and move on - without any reference to him.

    If you really do feel addicted to him - and you'd be in very good company here - look up online resources on codependency and see what support is available to you.

    For now, block him, unplug your phone at night, whatever you need to do to stop this contact which just messes with your mind and reverses your healing. You've already told him you should go no contact. Now stick with it if you really want to get off this merry-go-round.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Angel Irulan
    Angel Irulan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Hi! I don't want this to hurt you, but this young man is emotionally unavailable and you know that? And so instead of just letting it go, you had sex with him ONE TIME and you're saying you want to hold onto something. What? The sex? Was it that good? The man? Is HE that good? It doesn't sound like it! If it were me, and I'd been dumb enough, or curious enough to sleep with someone who treated me the way he treats you, I'd forget I ever knew him PDQ! If anyone mentioned his name to me I'd stay quiet and act like I didn't know him. He was a mistake and you've got to let go and move on! One thing about men and their games: When they leave you confused they get control. That's right: C-O-N-T-R-O-L! He's in the drivers seat and he knows it! He likely feels that he can do or play any game with you that he wants and you'll wait for him. DO NOT LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU!!!!

    I know you're somewhat inexperienced from the sound of it, but take it from someone who's done a lot of observing, this is a losing situation for you! PM me if you want to chat. But puhlease! Stay away from him! Go get a new hobby, a new pet, anything to distract yourself while you bring your heart back to you!

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2011
    To me it sounds like you dont really know him. You claim he is introverted but also flirty and talkative with women. An introverted person doesnt flirt around and is not confortable with others flirting with them. Once an introverted opens up to you they wont display none of the behavior your guy is showing to you. They act like normal people.
    The reason why he doesnt talk to you about his "problems" is because you are not his friend. He has a "wall" because he doesnt want to get emotionally involved with you.
    Yeah he was nice in the past because his mission was to get into your pants... You wont believe the things we men do and say for sex. Once he got it, the acting was over. He uses the word "love" but he doesnt have the slight idea of what his talking about.
    Sorry , but yes his gonna screw your heart so bad... You wont have tears left.

Top Threads
He tells me he loves me but is sleeping with somebody else.
My boyfriend of 8 years broke up 2 years ago. We lived together for 4 years. We have never lost touch. We are in weekly touch through email and
It happened!! Ex wants to get back together
Hello ENA people, I've been in NC for months. So my ex calls me out of the blue because he wants to get back together. He heard from a friend
I'm the best thing in his life
My ex and I are two gay men in our late 20s/early 30s. We dated for two years throughout grad school, lived with each other for one. I thought we
Should I stay or should I go?
Two years ago my ex girlfriend and I broke up due to some personal issues on her end. We have remaind in contact and stayed friends pretty much the
Been Back Together For Awhile, Now Major Issues
So my ex came back to me after a year. We got back together, though our relationship has been mostly sexual, we have a codependent type of
What can she be thinking?
Well my ex and I have been broken up for almost 2 years. We lived together for 8 years and have 2 kids. I cheated on her and we separated. We
Feeling empty after seeing ex again
Last night I hung out with my ex (which was probably a stupid idea). We have been talking more often and since I got comfortable with us talking
Featured Threads
Is there any hope for my relationship?
Hello, I hope somebody can offer some advice please. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and half years and he's never told me that he loves me. I
is it normal for women to ask married men to buy them underwear?
Hey, new to this and kinda don't know how it works but here goes.... I'm married my husband works offshore, which means he spends a fortnight at
Love spells to bring back an ex?
My relationship with my ex was perfect. I fell in love for the first time in my life and I loved him with everything I had. We went through harsh
This is probably going to sound stupid but I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I'm new on here so I apologise if I miss anything or get something wrong. I was told this was a friendly but honest place to ask advice
Found my girlfriend reaching out to another guy after an argument
Not one to post here, but need an outsiders perspective please. Had a drunk argument with my girlfriend late Friday night. I left her apartment to
It happened!! Ex wants to get back together
Hello ENA people, I've been in NC for months. So my ex calls me out of the blue because he wants to get back together. He heard from a friend
She called my brain 'unique' and its working 'laughable'- call off?
So we've been dating for seven months. We're 21 and 20, and in love. We haven't ever had anything to fight about really, we were just having this
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts