a man was hurting me during sex then started raping me. Still confused and hurt

.....so this man who had been a family friend and had earned my trust for months suddenly came up 3 days after I had a surgery and tried to push himself on me..... I held him off for a day..... he would rip off my pants and his and just thrust himself into me immediately and literally had a 10 inch penis so the pain was unbearable. He was so forceful and strong and fast that despite me not wanting it and squeeking out a "it hurts, stop stop", or trying desperately to pull myself away from his tight grip so he couldn't get himself into me so deep I was never able to get him to stop. It would hurt so bad I would scream full bodied scream and he would jump off me and act like he wasn't doing anything for a few minutes (there were others in the house) and watch the door. He'd do this for hours - two or three times a night and I'd be in excruciating pain telling him I couldn't take it anymore and pushing with all my might to try to get an arm or leg into position to stop him but he'd take it away. He put his hand around my throat strongly and tell me terrible things and look like he hated me and throw me around on the bed. I was in so much shock that this man I had trusted was hurting me so much but the way he hurt me was so bad I was afraid to do anything outside of surviving the attacks. I couldn't sleep cause he would keep me up all night and do this to me until like 8am. Then I'd have to try to work. I felt raped. I went to the gynecologist and the emergency room over and over literally every other day and they knew I was being raped and I was crying and crying whenever I could get out away from him. I was desperate to get him out of my house but he'd beaten a friend also living there recently really badly by kicking him in the head and he had weapons and randomly would talk about beating people with things...... I was terrified of him and stopping him though while he was having sex with me sometimes I'd act like I liked it because I hoped he wouldn't hurt me as bad or maybe not kill me. I won't say the things he told me while he was doing this to me but they were scary and abusive. I have never had anything like this happen to me and I'm not kid. I did not press charges even though I did a rape kit because he continued to live there and I feel it would have been too hard to get a DA to take it and win the case and maybe most importantly - I'm start terrified of him. Still. He started texting and calling me a week ago and it had been two months since I had help throwing him out and getting him out of my life. He has been almost admitting he was raping me but calling it other things and says he can't live without me in his life. I keep telling him leave me alone I'll never be your friend but I'm so sad that I 've gone back to being afraid again. I just got over some of my panic attacks at night and now they are back. I still have pelvic pain and damage it may never go away they said. He is working down the street from my house and I have to see him when I drive by. I know he knows he raped me over and over.... it's ruined so many things for me. I don't want to date or have sex and I cry when I think I'm going to see him on my street sometimes and if anyone talks about * * * * size even in positive joking girly ways. I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. I feel like the police won't help me and so I'm trying to be brave. I don't know why he is texting me again other than to try to hurt me again. I don't know if he will do worse. Does anyone have any ideas or support? I feel like I can't talk to anyone I know about this for many reasons. I feel alone. One male friend of mine tried to gt me to drive with him to the man and be there while he told him to leave me alone- I panicked and started to cry and said no. people have had such bad ideas. I will never go see him willingly. I think he could/would kill me if he wanted. He posted pics of a big hole somewhere on his facebook with signs of sharp drop off warnings when I first got rid of him. I don't know what to do.

Why do you think the police won't help you? What country are you in? Do they have a reputation for not helping rape victims?

What did the people at A&E suggest you do when they saw you were being raped?

There are support groups out there for rape victims.

Here is a British support page:

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And here is one in the US:

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If you don't live in these countries then google rape support and call someone. You MUST get help for this. Being brave is not going to help heal you, although I commend you for it.

You have my heartfelt love and sympathy.

Simeon.

This man should be locked up.

Don't know where you live, but you need to take legal action. You weren't the 1st and you won't be the last women to be raped by him. He will destroy more women's lives like he's doing yours. He needs to go to prison for his actions so HE CAN BE RAPED BY SOMEBODY W/ A 20inch penis!!!

"Evil flourishes when good men stand by and do nothing."

Why won't the police believe you? If you have been to medical professionals and had a rape kit done,you have all the evidence you need. And if these medical professionals knew you were being raped and did not call the police then they deserve to go to jail too.

I don't think the case would be won because he did this to me for a number of weeks before I was able to figure out how to get him out- so I figure they will say It went on too long to prove it was rape. I am also afraid if I lose then he knows he has nothing to lose anymore and maybe will hurt me worse. I'm in the U.S. and a medical professional - I know the system and I'm afraid he'll get off. I have too much to lose, I feel. Shame, reputation, maybe consequences at work, I just pray he goes away. Sadly, I found out that other people know of other women he has done this to- teens. : ( I may turn him in........ I haven't decided I guess- maybe I'm getting stronger.

I was raped as a teen. I wish someone had put the person in jail long before he got to me, because I can tell you for sure I was not his first person to rape.

First and foremost it breaks my heart to hear that you had to endure so a painful situation, it seems like this has really empacted your life. My question is what type of advice or help specifically are you asking for. How to get over it emotionally? What should you do in terms of prosecution? Or are you just venting????

i am going through this  right now its so hard to come to terms with that a man you really thought could be your soul mate that you could save and love that  he  can hurt  you so much then get up and leave wanting nothing more to do with me after getting his fantasy abuse sex  and not care or even have a motive for why hes just strangled you and forced himself on you tearing your vagina and leaving you feeling like youve been hit by a bus  then when you tell him he says its not tight anyway and were not talking like that anymore leaving you in agony after being celebate for over ten years