I think she was expecting a kiss... Do I have another chance?

Hi guys, firstly for some background on the events leading to this see my thread here:

Anyway so in short this girl is an american student staying in my parents house. Her and I went out for a drink yesterday evening and spent a few hours out.

Well later on that night she came down and sat down with me on the sofa while I was watching TV. She had come just in time for a movie, so I asked her to watch it with me. She had a little note pad with her, which she kind of uses as a diary (to keep track of what she has done while over here) and was writing in that while also talking with me.

We hardly paid attention to the film at all, and overall we talked for 4 and a half hours.

Now a couple of things to point out here.. At one point she somehow got to showing me some of her scars, and after showing me one on her leg and head she said; ''if you get lucky, you can see my other one''

So that wasn't even said toward the end of the night (more within the first hour). But anyway I also flirted with her during the next few hours too,telling her that I loved her laugh and giving her other compliments. She also showed me some pictures of the last country she visited (and got quite close to me during that).

Eventually she said she was tired and should go to bed, so I walked with her to the stairs and said goodnight and to sleep well. And that was it.

Now I guess taking into account that the first time I went out with her wasn't really a date, as it was with a group of her fellow students, then we would have technically had two dates right? I mean the drinks last night, and then the movie.

So do you think she really expected me to make a move? And do I still have a chance?

Of course I was thinking about kissing her.. (I got pretty damn turned on).. but I simply couldn't muster up the courage. I also have never kissed anyone before.....

Guys you are all I have, if you could give me your best advice here I'd much appreciate it. I really like this girl.

Hey Bluesman, i've read a few of your threads and it seems like you're making a lot of progress in the dating game these last few days Though like others I think your profile pic is quite attractive and can't see why you would have any problems!

I can't actually comment on whether this girl was expecting a kiss or not, but from a girl's perspective I can tell you that holding back a little as you did tonight would only heighten the anticipation and make me want to kiss you more (if I was interested in you), so I have no doubt you will have another chance For all we know she could be in her room kicking herself for not kissing YOU! It's preferable to take things slow anyway I think, when you're new to the game.

Hey Bluesman, i've read a few of your threads and it seems like you're making a lot of progress in the dating game these last few days Though like others I think your profile pic is quite attractive and can't see why you would have any problems!

 

I can't actually comment on whether this girl was expecting a kiss or not, but from a girl's perspective I can tell you that holding back a little as you did tonight would only heighten the anticipation and make me want to kiss you more (if I was interested in you), so I have no doubt you will have another chance For all we know she could be in her room kicking herself for not kissing YOU! It's preferable to take things slow anyway I think, when you're new to the game.

Well thank you. And apparently, from what I have been told on here (and elsewhere), it's due to me being relatively socially isolated.

Anyway thanks for the reassuring words! They made me relax a little. I think I have put myself in one of the most difficult kind of dating scenarios though.. I mean living in the same household with this girl is making me constantly aware of my actions. I am afraid of being around her so much that she will get tired of me and lose attraction.

I mean in a normal dating scenario (in the early stages) you're not meeting and hanging out with the person everyday are you? That's what makes me afraid. Obviously I'd have no problem with doing that though! Not sure if she expects me to give her plenty of space too.. I think I have so far, for the most part.

I would like to ask her to watch a movie with me again tonight, but I am hesitant. Or perhaps I should give her some breathing space and not suggest a date for a while? What do you think? And when I do kiss her, is it okay if it's not full on? I am absolutely terrified of messing up and being an awful kisser...

I agree, blue. You are making a lot of progress. There are pros and cons to your situation. Don't over think or look for excuses. Yes, it's weird having her living in your house. But, you HAVE to see her every day. Nerve wracking, well probably, yeah. But think of it as a crash course. On the plus side, you don't have to work to see her - you don't have to think of what to say while you're playing phone tag to ask her out next time - she's probably walking down the hall right now looking for you.

I think giving her space and not appearing too anxious is a good thing. Not trying to kiss her was also probably a good thing. Remember, act interested, but casual. You're a little nervous, so try to hold back just a little bit. Keep yourself busy. Especially since you live in the same house. That will keep the anticipation going.

I think you're doing great. As far as your next date/whatever, I think you'll just have to play it by ear. You're picking up pretty quickly on how to do this. When you're talking and feeling her out, make your suggestion match the event. If you ask her to watch tv, do it casually, like you're okay if she does or doesn't. Remember, you don't want to give her a desperate/clingy vibe. She likes music, so if you come up with a gig or another band you'd like to take her to see, then show some enthusiasm when you ask her. Know what I mean? Keep the clingy in check.

If/when you do go in for the kiss, I'm sure you've watched enough movies to know the right moment. Just think light. Move in slow - more anticipation and less likelihood to bump heads or noses. You want to softly glaze your lips over hers. She'll respond, and you're on your way. Just keep thinking light and don't use too much pressure. The lips are very sensitive, and a light touch makes them sizzle, while a high pressure smack makes them numb and makes the other person feel invaded. Light, light, light.

Good luck, and keep up the good work.

Hey again dude.

I'd like to contribute on the kissing because I was the same way. I think I might have been even worse, the fear of being a badkisser and all that, it was like my worst nightmare, I overanalyzed it like it was rocket science. Even thinking about it while talking to a girl in a situation where a kiss could take place would make my heart beat like no tomorrow. Anyway not trying to scare you here, after it happened it was really easy and I was like "was this what I was so afraid of?".

You can just take it slow like the earlier poster said and if/when your lips are locked you can just mimic her. If you feel umcomfortable about initiating, you could always wait that she does it or like I did, wait for a sign that gives you confidence and then initiate yourself, for example if she's holding and caressing your hand or gives you a small kiss on the cheek.

In short, no need to rush for the kiss, the time will come and it isn't as hard and as terrifying as what it seems like now!!

I'm rooting for you bro!

Hey guys! Update.. and tbh I really wish I had seen your advice earlier.

Well we ended up watching a dvd together tonight. Earlier in the day we walked my dog down by the sea.. so I really thought things were going well.

Anyway back to the main event.. So we were there watching a comedy series (of all things..), and 90% of the time we were just laughing. So it probably wasn't an ideal moment for a kiss anyway..

Now somehow I managed to work up the courage to put my arm around her.. I had tested the waters numerous time prior to this, by lightly touching her arm during conversation. So I basically first said ''come closer'', which she did do. However when I then but my arm around her, she instantly glanced over at my hand (which was now resting on her shoulder). I got the impression she was uncomfortable, but shortly afterwards things were back to normal and she was back to laughing at the TV.

Eventually I gradually began move my arm away from her shoulders so it was resting more on the actually coach. I was concerned I was being too invasive...

Anyway so I never tried to kiss her.. After the dvd, we talked briefly about it. Then she thanked me for showing it to her and went to take a shower. Now she did not specify wether or not she was going right to bed afterwards, but that is exactly what she did. I would have liked to say goodnight to her because she is going on a two day trip tomorrow..

Do you think I blew it guys?? I just desperately wanted to give her a clear sign of my interest.. but perhaps I took it too far..

I wouldn't think of this as a failure (despite her looking at your hand..). I think you got your interest accross in a subtle way.. much better than a kiss if her feelings aren't reciprocated I actually think having a couple of days apart will be good for her, to think about what she'd like from you.. I would leave the ball completely in her court when she returns, act warm but very casual, still ask her to do all the things you've been doing but hold back a little and observe her behaviour.

I wouldn't think of this as a failure (despite her looking at your hand..). I think you got your interest accross in a subtle way.. much better than a kiss if her feelings aren't reciprocated I actually think having a couple of days apart will be good for her, to think about what she'd like from you.. I would leave the ball completely in her court when she returns, act warm but very casual, still ask her to do all the things you've been doing but hold back a little and observe her behaviour.

Hey thanks for giving your thoughts! I was looking for a females opinion on this in particular.

Would not having said goodbye to each other be a big deal? Or is that just silly to think so?

Also earlier in the day while we were walking my dog down by the sea, we started talking about how much we have in common. In a playful way, she asked me what my favorite color was. When I told her green, she laughed in disbelief, as that is her fav color too. I mean it really felt like we were getting so close.

Hey no problem your beach walk sounds like she was giving some indicators of interest, but it's difficult to gauge without knowing her better (how she is around others especially).. I would still hang back just in case but not go cold or do a 180.. And worst case scenario you made a good friend that you enjoy hanging out with and have made huge personal leaps- yOu should be proud and I wouldn't worry about nor saying goodbye, you've really only just met so nit a big deal in my opinion.

^ Lol I have no doubt she is interested in me though, otherwise she wouldn't have said this two nights ago; ''if you get lucky, you can see my other one'' (in relation to a scar).

I guess I was asking if the signs were there that confirmed her interest on more of an emotional level. I definitely felt we had a connection, while on that walk in particular.

I certainly don't want to end up as merely a friend though! That scares me! I would be devastated and would class that a failure.

Awww Blues I'm so proud of you! It sounds like things are going well!

I don't think her looking at your hand was a bad sign, necessarily. I tend to do that too in the early stages of flirting because I'm excited about moving onto physical contact. So I'll look at his hand like a happy confirmation, "Yep this is really happening, yay!" If she did not move away and seemed to be having fun, I'm sure she didn't find it invasive at all.

When you get comfortable with some light touching you can try for a kiss on her cheek or forehead, just to test the waters and see how she reacts. If she stays near, kiss her cheek closer to her mouth and don't move your face away. Work your way up to it if you're nervous. If she wants it, she'll stay close and it'll happen.

You are doing great, don't second-guess yourself so much.

Hehe, thanks DrK

This whole thing came about so quickly, it's hard to believe it's really happening! I'm glad you don't see anything wrong with what I did. And thanks for the tip. That seems like an approach I would be more comfortable taking, rather than going directly in for the lips..

Anyway she's back from the trip on Sunday, so I suppose it is a good day for suggesting something like another walk together (walking is something she does a lot and enjoys). Am I coming on too strong by asking her to hang out so often though?

Hey blue, exactly what Kitten love and DrKitten said (hey, we've got the cats covered in this thread). You're doing great. Don't worry about not saying good night. Her being gone for two days is a good thing too. It will give her some time to think and build anticipation. Putting your arm around her was perfect. Don't overthink her looking at your hand. She didn't move away - that's what she would have done if she wasn't into you.

Don't worry about coming on too strong. Keep the casual attitude going. Do you have a gig, or are there any local bands you like playing you'd like to take her to see? You guys seemed to share music as an interest. That would be a good thing to help bond with her. Otherwise, what you've been doing has been great. Keep it up.

Actually now that you mention gigs, things have started looking up for me on the music front too, literally since yesterday. I've been offered some studio work, and most likely will be gigging with the band too. So I may just have some more regular gigs soon to take her to. She did ask to come to one of my gigs by the way.

In the mean time though, there is a good jazz club in the city which I actually said I could take her to. She sai she would like that, so I could bring that up again. Maybe suggest that as the next date?

Do it brah. You're doing great!

Actually now that you mention gigs, things have started looking up for me on the music front too, literally since yesterday. I've been offered some studio work, and most likely will be gigging with the band too. So I may just have some more regular gigs soon to take her to. She did ask to come to one of my gigs by the way.

 

In the mean time though, there is a good jazz club in the city which I actually said I could take her to. She sai she would like that, so I could bring that up again. Maybe suggest that as the next date?

Sounds excellent! I'm sure she'll love it.

Guys, what do you think about me telling her that I missed her while she was away?

I know it seems like such a trivial thing, but even though I would like to tell her this, I don't want to appear like I am obsessed with her.

Do you think it's too soon to display that kind of affection?

Blue I wouldn't say I missed her but rather say something like I was thinking about you while you were away.

Blue I wouldn't say I missed her but rather say something like I was thinking about you while you were away.

Ah okay, I'll tell her that instead then. Thanks!

I hope I hear a similar thing back from her after I say this though!

Please keep us posted, you are doing good man.

Please keep us posted, you are doing good man.

Will do!

Blue just wanted to say I'm glad to have found this thread with you being the OP! Keep it up man!

Hey Jake, thanks! Yeah I'm used to seeing other people make such threads.

I don't know why but in the past few hours I've been hit with a bout of paranoia. I'm worried if she might have met someone else on the trip. I know there is nothing at all to suggest this, but I've just been overcome by this sudden worry.

I'd like to think that we have enough chemistry together for that not to happen though..

^I think the arm thing was an excellent idea. Way better than going for a kiss and then her not wanting that at all- or maybe not wanting, but just not ready. This at least tells her that you think she is cute and if she wants to go further than it's there. You definitely did not blow it!

Holy crap DVD time together in 15 mins!!

I'm freaking out, its now or never. I'm going to give her a quick peck but nothing more..