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He is ignoring me ?! Is it over or does he need space ?


jessica1987

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I've been dating him for 3 months. I am 24 years old my boyfriend is 26. My boyfriend last spoke to me on june 7 at night, we got into an argument. The argument was over his time, he told me doesnt have time and wasnt responding to my texts but would write on his friends wall on facebook. I was fine after he explained but he got a bit angry and said that i always argue with him. so he said its done, he doesnt want a relationship not with me, with no one! Then I told him that what he was doing was unfair and i didnt deserve this. So, after a couple of minutes he told me, how about you just chill and i will do the same, think about the relationship, see if this is what you want and i will do the same. We are still together we are not broken up, just taking some time to think. We will give wednesday a break, and meet thursday to talk about our relationship.sweet dreams goodnight and that was it.

Thursday

came around he didn't text me or call me, so I texted him, whats the plan? Are we still meeting up? NO ANSWER so i called him a couple of more times no answer- so i finally texted him I guess you werent ready to meet today or were just tired and fell asleep please call me or text me in the morning, so i know your okay, sweet dreams goodnight. The next morning he didnt reply NOTHING ! I was a bit shocked and worried. Then I realized he was okay and just ignoring me, so

Friday

I texted him, ok i think you need more space, i will let you call me when your ready, because i think i texted and called you more then enough. I care for please dont stress over this i know you already have a lot going on,dont worry i got your back. I will be here and I know you will talk to me when your ready. I left it at that

Saturday - no contact, and he didnt contact me at all !

Sunday- I texted him saying" I know you are and will be busy, but i think we can both work this out if we want too, You just have to be clear with me and i will be clear too, I dont want to give up just because one of us got a bit busy. If u want to work this out let me know now because you left a bit unclear ? NO ANSWER i texted him again, i have feelings too, i worry too, i have a heart too, helllo NO ANSWER i didnt contact him until around 10 pm I called him around 4 times, left him a message saying, Hi, i dont know if your okay or not, I hope your okay, if your done with this relationship or need space, you need to let me know you dont even have to call me just text me.

Monday-

I saw his car was parked so i went up to his door to confront him, no answer, i texted him, i'm outside your door, he did not open his door, but when i called his phone was off, i still called about 5 times and then i just gave up

Tuesday- No contact from me, and nothing from him

Wednesday- No contact from me, and nothing from him

and today No contact from me, and nothing from him

So after Monday, I decided to stop contacting him, enough was enough. If he really cared about me he will come around!

I just dont understand why he left without saying anything or tricking me. He told me we are not broken up but we did not meet on thursday. He wont even text me back or call me back to let me know if hes done, or just needs space ! I have not contacted him since tuesday and i was hoping that would give me my answer but he still has made no effort to talk. Do you think hes done and is just going to ignore me until I stop because he doesnt want to deal with break up drama, or is he wanting space because he is confused and he'll come around when hes ready?

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our argument also started from me complaining to him that if he is telling me doesnt have time to text me or call me because he is busy at work but is sitting there writing back to or commenting on his female friends facebookwalll using words like pumpkin and angel. He told me that those are just words, they mean nothing, but to me that is flirting. Why can't he just be open about what he wants. I havent contacted him in 5 days and dont plan on contacting him so hopefully this way will help.

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Also you seem to always sweep things under the carpet when he hasn't returned any of your messages/texts. Why do you do that? Here is an example of this behaviour.

 

Thursday

came around he didn't text me or call me, so I texted him, whats the plan? Are we still meeting up? NO ANSWER so i called him a couple of more times no answer- so i finally texted him I guess you werent ready to meet today or were just tired and fell asleep please call me or text me in the morning, so i know your okay, sweet dreams goodnight. The next morning he didnt reply NOTHING ! I was a bit shocked and worried. Then I realized he was okay and just ignoring me, so

Friday

I texted him, ok i think you need more space, i will let you call me when your ready, because i think i texted and called you more then enough. I care for please dont stress over this i know you already have a lot going on,dont worry i got your back. I will be here and I know you will talk to me when your ready.

 

I know you don't want to fight with him, but you can't just keep turning the other way when he's ignoring you. You arn't getting angry so he knows he can just keep ignoring you.

 

I think you should just ignore him, and let him know how that feels. But at the same time if you guys do get back together you need to lay off the constant texting/calling/not getting angry.

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When we were together, I would text him once maybe or would wait for him to call. When I saw that he was ignoring me I got pissed off and delt that he could have at least texted okay thanks or something !! and I think thats when I started going way overboard with calling him and texting him. I have stopped and I will not contact him ever again. He has my number or he knows where to find me. He always told me when I want to break up i will tell you im not scared of you! haha its funny because he did the exact opposite of what he said before. Even couple of days before this argument I told him if you are not interested in me its better we break up. He texted me back saying No its not that, I swear I'm busy at work.

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It is really hard when you want to contact someone and they don't respond and the more they don't repsond the worse it gets, it makes our minds go into overdrive. This is where you need to control yourself and try your best to focus on something else.

 

I realise that it is alot easier said then done! Been there many times myself...

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One thing is though, in the OP's defense, she began to get aggressive because he was ignoring her at the expense of flirting with other women. I think that the problem isn't the OP's neediness; it's that the dude just doesn't want to be in a steady relationship. But I'm not there, so I don't really know.

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Even after you told him you weren't going to text him, you still continued to text him constantly. He's not responding because he doesn't want to and his willingness to continue to ignore you speaks volumes. I know it's hard for you to let this go, but you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you if they don't want to.

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One thing is though, in the OP's defense, she began to get aggressive because he was ignoring her at the expense of flirting with other women. I think that the problem isn't the OP's neediness; it's that the dude just doesn't want to be in a steady relationship. But I'm not there, so I don't really know.

 

I agree, people only become needy when they feel unwanted.

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You are totally stalking this guy. Stop it.

 

I think it's funny (not in a ha ha way) that you kept contacting him for over a week, he has ignored you every time, yet you still think he needs more time and space? It's pretty obviously over, and I think before he hits you with a restraining order for the stalking, I'd do your best to let this go and move on.

 

Why were you egging him on to dump you to begin with?

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First of all I was not stalking him. He told me he was the type of guy that was upfront about things, hes not scared to say whats on his mind or how he feels. So i was confused and worried and i thought something happened to him until my sister saw him driving off and coming back. I knocked on the door, he didnt answer I left, its not like I waited outside his door haha. He lives in the same apt building as my sister and before he always told just come up, he even use to make fun of me for calling him before I came up! So I dont care what he thinks! i JUST think its messed up how he said to me lets meet thursday and just ignored me. I was there for him a lot and helped him a lot i just think at the end i deserved some form of communication from him. I am a very caring person and obviously i called him because I was worried about him whether he was my friend or boyfriend.

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I think you should just move on and ignore him when he contacts you. I mean, I understand the texting and calling were a bit excessive, but how hard is it to call someone or even text them to say that you don't want to be in a relationship.

 

Sometimes, a person's silence is all you need to know.

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I don't disagree that what he did was rude and childish, however, judging by the stalking (and yes, calling and texting multiple times a day is stalking), I think he probably felt this was the only way to get out. I get the feeling that he tried breaking up with you in person, you weren't going to have that and pushed him into committing to meet/talk again, when you knew he had no interest in doing so. Still, the fact that even after him ignoring you for over a week you still think he needs space just shows that perhaps you're not willing to admit the reality here.

 

For your own sanity - move on.

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I think he should still have the decency to tell her if it's over or not... I know that she was being somewhat pushy with him, but for him to give her the silent treatment for so long is just very cruel I think you should just try to move on and give him some time and space to miss you.

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update **************

i was leaving my sis apt as i was locking the door, i heard someone coming down i wasnt thinking at all it would be him, my mind was some where else, i ignored it but then the noise got louder so i turned around like if i was wanted to see who was coming from behind and as i turned around YIKES .. it was HIM !!! I saw him staring at me while walking down and he was staring like nothing happned ahhh so we had like a 3 second stare at each other because i think we were both shocked and it was awkward so i just quickly looked away facing back to the door and acted like I didnt know him at all, while my back was facing him he just passes by with out saying a word. I waited for him to back out of the parking lot and then i start walking down the last few steps to my car

Im glad I didnt say anything and Im glad I acted like as if I didnt know him. IT was really weird and i think it ruined my whole NC that i was doing, I didnt want him to see me. I was doing so good and staying so strong i just feel like seeing him created an emotional setback.

THE FACT THAT HE DIDNT SAY ANY THING TO ME WAS SO HURTFUL, WHAT A COWARD!! Later on, at night I see hes on FB chat an he hadnt been online on fb chat ever since 2 weeks ago when he decided to ignore me and disappear leaving me confused. I bet you he though i was going to msg him like crazy, glad i didnt !! However he could have messaged me saying sorry for all of this or some thing but all he does it act like i never existed. Im glad I didnt say hi to him, and Im glad i didnt contact him or message him. I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS?? Its like he enjoys ignoring me and getting a rise out of me, but im glad i kept it cool. So im guessing if he couldnt even say hi to me and act like i never existed,then there is no way he is going to pick up the phone to call or text me to apologize for his rude disrespectful behavior

Why cant he come out clean and just explain himself, why is he making everything so awkward?? I just cant believe how a person that was so close to you can change in a second, acting like i never existed?!?!?!

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  • 2 weeks later...

It seems to me that

 

A He's acting like an immature child, and wants you to get even more frantic and needy over him...

 

AND

 

B He's brushing you off to make excuses as to why he can't see you right now, because he's already found someone else and wants to go on dates and take this someone out on a test run first. And if he doesn't like this girl, he still has you. It's a win win situation for him, because either way, he still gets a girl. If you don't think option "B" happens you're wrong. One of my male coworkers told me and a group of other coworkers a little scheme he put together so that he could cheat on two girls. He'd tell the girlfriend he had been going steady with for a long time that he needed some separation time from her. And then when she was okay with it, he'd go have an affair with another woman.

 

It's hard to juggle two relationships at once, and for him to not even acknowledge you at the door, and his car was parked outside means that he had someone over that he didn't want you to see. Either that, or he was playing into his "I want time to myself" game, and not even want to give you the time of day. And quite frankly, anyone like that doesn't deserve my time of day either. Because that kind of behavior is just down right immature.

 

Trust your gut. If it feels wrong, chances are it IS wrong. Don't let a man or anyone else treat you disrespectfully with mind games.

 

If it's hurting your feelings, tell him in a brief text that this separation game you both are playing is beginning to take it's toll, and that you'd rather end the relationship than keep waiting for a shadow to arrive. Having "me time" shouldn't take a whole month to think things over! If he needed a whole month, I would've been steppin' as soon as he stopped all communication with you on the second week. It should take a good couple of weeks to clear your mind and think about what you want in life and in a relationship. Cutting ALL forms of communication while on your break without a brief hello text is a red flag.

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I don't know ... think back carefully. Did he break up with you? Did he say he wasn't ready for a commitment? Is smothered? Needs space?

 

I suspect he broke up with you but you didn't accept it. My next step would be total ignore, which he did. I may be wrong, but I just saw a total lack of willingness to accept the end on your part. Imagine if you broke up with someone who then blew up your phone and came by your house? It is frightening to some (me, for instance).

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  • 5 weeks later...

i agree. he shiuld atleast tell her and be straigh-forward about what he wants to do.

as the saying Goes, no relationship can be forced.

whatever it is, to start or to end any relationship, a proper communication is definitely needed because not everyone is same....

some people gets their answers through the silence. but some dont......

i hope and pray whatever happens, may the best happens to you dear.

good luck.

I think he should still have the decency to tell her if it's over or not... I know that she was being somewhat pushy with him, but for him to give her the silent treatment for so long is just very cruel I think you should just try to move on and give him some time and space to miss you.
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He told me he was the type of guy that was upfront about things, hes not scared to say whats on his mind or how he feels.

 

What a man says doesn't always match up with reality. My last boyfriend told me exactly the same thing, but it became obvious later that this was absolutely not the case. Sure, he was fine with speaking his mind to people he knew he would never meet or see again, but when it came to me, our relationship and his feelings, he was dead silent. And pushing him to talk about it only made it worse.

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