1.5 months since I put Jordan down and I still feel horrible.....

I posted that I put my 12.5 years old kitty down because he was really sick (lymphoma). I know he is not hurting anymore and not suffering anymore.

I just can't get over this guilty feeling. I keep replaying watching him die in my arms, with his eyes open ... I've never experienced this before in my life... we were very tight and great buddies.

I just feel sooo guilty, feel like I murdered him, felt like I punished him for vomiting when I came home from work. I was not punishing him at all. When I saw that he had vomited again, I just decided that he had enough of suffering (I took him to the vet 2 days earlier and the vet said he was not doing well, and had about 2 weeks left or less, and that he was starving even though he eats, but he throws it back up, he was pale, etc.) I was never ever mad at him for vomiting, pooping outside the box, etc because I know he can't help it, and that he was sick.

Its just hard to hear that he was starving, it made me feel like I was intentionally starving him, but I wasn't .... bec i made sure he was able to eat, and I would stop at the grocery store every day on way home from work and buy 3-4 cans ... He had an appetite, but just keeps losing his food.

I have his ashes ... and sometimes I hug the box, and I swear I feel it purring sometimes!

I did get a new kitten a month ago. He has been instrumential in helping me heal. I am not used to a kitten, and he's a holy terror, but I know he'll outgrow it. I am considering adopting an older cat as well, but am not sure how that would fare with an older cat and a 2.5 months old kitten.

Just wanted to post .... I know i did the right thing by ending his suffering, but still I feel guilty .... he was a very sweet cat and I feel that he did not deserve to get sick. Damn .....

Here's my new kitty, Tux. He has extra toes.. very cute!

im sorry to hear about your cat. i know that pets can be our best friends at times.dont feel about putting him down you did the right thing by not letting him suffer.

he sounds like he was a very sweet cat. I'm sorry for your loss. Animals are odd that way. you spend enough time with them and they become a best friend, but you did good. You have my condolences. Have fun with your little kitten

Aw I am so sorry. Please don't feel guilty. Jordan understands that you were not trying to hurt him. I know that animals can sense things like that. I never felt bad for putting Sandy, my yellow lab, to sleep because she was in so much pain from a brain tumor. I know she knew that we were just trying to make her not feel any pain anymore. I don't blame you. I can't imagine feeling that awful knowing that my pet was starving Poor guy.

I've had to put down two cats. Absolutely the most painful experiences of my life.

I truly feel that we show our pets the ultimate love by being able to put their needs above ours. You loved him enough to release him from his suffering, even though it meant knowing you would grieve. You could not have loved him more, nor could you have proven that more.

Remember the last scene from Million Dollar Baby? Where she is in so much pain she begs him to kill her so she can move beyond her suffering? And he loved her enough to do just that.

No guilt, no remorse. You did the hardest thing a kitty Mom can do, and always rest knowing you showed him the most love possible.

I love the look of your cheeky new kitten and I hope that the pain is growing less and less for you each day betrayed

It would be easy for me to advise "don't feel guilty!!".. but in reality it is not that simple. Having said that though, you should know that letting Jordan go peacefully and with dignity as you did would not have been perceived by him as a punishment (cats and dogs dont make the link between their action and our reaction if more than a few seconds apart).. in fact relieving him of his pain would have been just reward for all the years and love and friendship he gave you. Truly an act of love on your part. Take care.

Awww...I'm sorry to hear this. I had to have a little one (15 years old) put to sleep a couple years ago; she had cancer, and she had fought a valiant fight for a long time before she finally stopped eating. After a few days of her not eating, no matter what I did, I had her put down. It was absolutely the most painful thing I've had to do ever in my life (and I've been alive for a few decades! ;-)) but I know it was the right thing to do. Jordan was loved, and there was nothing you could have done to save him. He was ready to go, and I truly believe that pets KNOW how much we love them. I'm glad you got his ashes. I did that too. I was worried people would think I was nutty, but I ultimately, I was so glad I did. I have the little box on my nightstand, with a picture of her in front of it.

I too got a new kitty a year ago; at the time, she was 8 weeks old, and a "holy terror" as you say. Actually, she STILL is, a year later! I love her, though. She's nothing like my other cat, but that's OK. She's got her own distinctive personality, and while the love I have for her will never be the same as I felt for my other cat, I still love her and enjoy having her. My other cat wasn't "better" -- just different, so the love is a little different.

BTW, your new kitty is adorable !!!! I can see the mischief in her eyes. I really think cats are one of the best things ever!