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Thread: When an ex says "I Miss You"

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by lucasky
    I acknowledged that sometimes dumpees do use it to string it along! But for others it is an honest attempt at reaching out. Sorry for sounding really rant-ish. I'm just tired of seeing only one side of things (even if in your situation, "I miss you" really is not good enough).
    I appreciate your clarification - but I'm not saying that it isn't "good enough" - those were YOUR words.

    I've READ MANY MANY posts on here - when a dumpee gets "I miss you" from the dumper and they are elated and then they torture themselves because there is no follow-through, "what does it mean?" So my point is to be careful - "I miss you" doesn't ALWAYS mean they want to reconcile. There could be other reasons - like my ex, who misses me, but made it clear for months he was uncertain.

    And again - I'm glad you used what works for you, however I want to be clear - my thread was reminding people not assume what "I miss you" means - it doesn't always mean they want to reconcile - NEVER did I direct anyone to "ignore it" or "ask them to beg" those were your words and your one-sided conclusion - likely you scanned through my post and lumped it in with other threads (i.e. "you're tired of reading etc..")

    Think this thread derailed from it's original intent. Moving on.

  2. #22
    Gold Member lucasky's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by myheadvsheart
    Looking for meaningful contact..
    Sometimes I miss you is meaningful to the person saying it. That's where I drew my conclusion that you were saying it wasn't enough. But, point taken. I think both our responses were bias to one side.

    This is still keeping on the topic too! Not a hijacking at all.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by lucasky
    Absolutely. I am not saying that one way is right over the other. My post was mainly put our there because I know lots of people read these threads, and its important that they see both sides of things.
    honestly i agree with you life isnt bad like every one here makes it seem but we cant think about how great our exes are all the time or we will never get over them. we need to look at the bad and why things did not work out

  4. #24
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    i understand the harsh reception to your post lucasky...but it's nice to hear a different perspective. kudos to you.

    what i get from this especially...is that there's never any way to know what the other person is feeling. you can't know that. you can assume to your heart's content. you can rationalize. you can analyze. you can speculate about what any action means...but you'll never know. and that's fine. that's the nature of things. we never know this. we only trust in our own perception. and...with a broken relationship...that trust has been impaired. and so long as your trust in that remains impaired...you will not move forward. it's just not possible. this is why it's often suggested to just cut your losses and move on. it's so much easier to build that trust with someone who you haven't formed a predisposition of mistrust with. you know?

    i think breakups are pretty natural. moving on is natural. sometimes getting back together is natural...but maybe it's not the norm. in any event...glad it worked out for you, lucasky. and it goes to show...there isn't any one solution.


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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Meriem
    WHen a relationship is broken, it's broken!
    I dont believe that. Might not be an easy mend, but it can be a beautiful thing once root of the problem is aired out and two people work on the problem together

  7. #26
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    As 90 said... there isn't any one solution.

    I think what annoys me more than anything on these forums are blanket, universal, generalizing statements that are often made. Words like ALWAYS and NEVER and the ONLY WAY seem to me completely inappropriate for the situations of life and love. Things like this:
    - when a relationship is broken, it's broken.
    - they always come back.
    - never go back to an ex
    - NC is the only way to get over someone.

    Those statements allow no space for any alternatives, even though there is plenty of evidence that alternatives exist:
    - some people do manage to fix relationships, or renew them by starting over
    - exes don't always come back (none of mine ever have!)
    - lots of people have returned to exes happily
    - people have managed to get over an ex even if they still have to see them (work, kids, etc).

    Whatever the situation, there's always a whole bunch of factors that make them unique. It seems to me that many people apply their own experiences to make sweeping generalizations as if they're the same for every person and every situation.

    Rather than using words like always and never, I think it would be so much more useful if people used words like SOMETIMES, COULD, MIGHT, OFTEN, OCCASIONALLY, POSSIBLE. And for people to be open to the idea that their experiences may not apply in the same way to everyone.

    I liked lucasky's original response, she wasn't denying that "I miss you" COULD be a deceptive or misleading statement, but she was highlighting that SOMETIMES it could mean a lot more. The whole point is there's no single explanation or answer, and I believe people should be more open-minded about that.

    Furthermore I believe that it would lead to more useful communication and advice (because often a generalizing statement can provoke a strong response - a bit like lucasky's ugggghh! - I felt your frustration at that moment, lucasky!) I think it can be quite hurtful for someone who feels strongly about something to be told that that is NEVER the case, and it can lead to defensive reactions. I see that happening in several of the more aggressive disputes that crop up from time to time. But when people are considerate of other people's positions and perspectives, then the conversation that follows is usually far more productive and helpful for everyone.

  8. #27
    Silver Member hausser's Avatar
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    Spot on, agreed 100%.

  9. 06-13-2011, 08:57 AM
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  10. #28
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    Good post! I so agree with all of this.

  11. 06-13-2011, 10:12 AM
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    refers to deleted post

  12. #29
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    This thread has run its course.

    Thread closed.

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