he finally contacted me and now i wonder

the hot and cold guy that i've been writing about finally texted me tonight after sudden no contact for over a week. to summarize, we went on an awesome few dates and he starting getting distant. he was very sweet and told me he was falling hard for me in person and then suddenly he turns cold. tonight i get a text from him asking me if i was talking to other men from the online dating website that we met. i haven't replied him. why do you think he asked?

all this time of no contact i've been wondering what he was thinking and i didn't contact him because i felt he losted interest. is it possible that he's feeling the same way i am that's why he seems distant? i really miss him but i've made it this far holding back from contacting him and just starting to feel a little better, i don't want to go back to square one. but i really miss him so much.. what if he's hurting too? am i giving him up too soon? he wouldn't have asked me if i was talking to other men if he didn't care about me right?

Why not reply "why do you ask?"

Maybe he has been, and feels guilty, or thought you were and pulled away. or its completely something else

I figure life is too short, so take a few risks! This could be your soul mate, cliche I know but it's true and if you let him go then you will never know. I'm not saying that you should think about marrying the guy or anything but just see what he wants because it sounds like you two really hit it off earlier and there may be something there.

If he wasn't interested he wouldn't have txt'd you.

I would also be thinking the same as you after a week, but maybe he is just as confused as you. Reply to his txt and see what happens from it... Good Luck!

I agree with other responses...I am into a similar situation...except that mine did not contact me yet..Please go ahead and respond to his text or may be meet him...else u might regret in future. Good luck!

I get the distinct feeling of being hurt.

That would be my honest guess. One moment he wants you really badly, then the next he remembers how he was hurt previously, then backs away before you can hurt him. (not saying you would of course)

If i was to make a guess as to the reason - most likely a girl cheated on him when he was very vulnerable.

Perhaps i am totally wrong here, but it really seems that way to me. Hell it could be, that he has no idea how to treat a girl, and he doesnt want make a mistake and hurt you or push you away. So in order to not make any mistakes... he does not do anything! (sure fire way of never making a mistake... dont do a damn thing)

You really need to talk to him and plainly ask him what is troubling him. He seems very unusual and indecisive. Perhaps its the way he is, perhaps he doesnt know, but one things for sire - you need to find out.

i haven't responded yet. i can't seem to get myself too for some reason. when he first started getting distant, i was very straight forward with him and asked him if he wasn't interested anymore and basically he said i was silly to even think that. but he remained distant so i thought that maybe he didn't want to tell me directly so he wouldn't hurt my feelings. so i backed off and grew a little distant myself feeling he intentionally wanted to push me away. but then he texted asking me if i was talking to other men. it now makes me feel like he wasn't trying to push me away. if he was trying to push me away i have already left him alone and stopped contacting but now he contacts me again seeing that i've backed off. i don't know what he wants and i'm afraid to ask.

Dont be afraid to ask. Just bite the bullet and go ahead. You will never get answers unless you do.

To put it simply, your bouncing up and down waiting for 'something' to happen. Pretty sure you dont want to be bouncy forever.

(though i did know a girl who called herself bouncy and enjoyed bouncing... and we enjoyed it too)

As someone who played the hot and cold game (and my ex dedicated the katy perry song to me) I can tell you that this game is only played by:

1- people with fear of rejection

2- people with fear of commitment

3- people looking for an ego boost, they first make you fall for them so you chase after them.

4- people who have option A, but want you to be their option B just in case

5- people looking for sex only.

So its your homework to analyze in which category this guy stands, and please dont ask him, he will never tell you the truth, just what you want to hear.

Many women have played this game with me, and depending on how hardcore they were and if their hidden agenda was of my convenience, I followed it. Just be aware that once someone exhibits this behavior and you want to move forward everything will become a battle of wills, every progress you make they will try to sabotage it , conscious or subconsciously .

Just tell him that yes you have met some prospects but nothing special ...yet, and that you want to see him again because he will make a great friend. Watch him run hot again.

Im50 your reply is so right on target,this is the best answer for those who blow hot and cold.

I can relate to these scenarios....

- people with fear of rejection- Not really that one

2- people with fear of commitment- Definitely my ex he would never commit heck we dated for almost a month and still never called me his girlfriend even though many people would say it's that your BF?? I'd said no Brad doesn't think of me as a GF I am just " dating him"

3- people looking for an ego boost, they first make you fall for them so you chase after them- Soo soo true on that one!! I always did the chasing

4- people who have option A, but want you to be their option B just in case Yep,yep

5- people looking for sex only. Oh definitely yes!! He wanted to get into my pants so bad but since I am not the type who wants to have sex right away he kept pressuring me and pressuring me and I am so glad I didn't sleep with him because he eventually left and I would of felt pretty crummy if he just used me for sex

And oh, ya he was totally hot/cold mind games you name it he played it.

Option 4 is the worst

It hurts confidence so badly... This happened to me last year. Wow. It was crazy, best of all I didnt even see it coming. I think she deserves an Oscar, really. Her option A was not even attractive/wealthy/smart guy. I dont think Im a 10 but damn.. Anyway THANKS to her I improved my image/my wallet/my brain/my spirit. I thought wow if she played me and then left me for that guy there must be something wrong with me.

Now I can say with confidence Im stronger, theres not a single day that at work I dont get compliments from girls, all they say is that Im so handsome and sexy (LOL yeah right), and the other dudes are always asking me how I got in such a great shape telling me to workout with them (I dont think so). If they only knew what is the source of so much inspiration!

Im a better man now.

Weird enough I had option 5 I was supposed to be happy with it but it involved also money... This woman was using me for sex and money, whenever she wanted money or be taken out to a nice restaurant and then have sex in a fancy hotel room she looked for me. I tested her, and took her out to eat and was going to drop her at her house without getting into sexy business... Thats when I noticed she went beyond selfishness!!

Actually her only conversation was about sex. And somehow I felt that wasnt normal. So I waited for her to get cold, and distanced myself from her, when she got hot and called me I dumped her 4 times. I felt sorry for her. She even got a job and offered to pay. But money was just part of the problem. The big problem was she was playing hot and cold.

Nowadays I allow women to get as far as they want with their game, but they better keep me interested, I dont know what they need to do to not bore me, but if I get bored of them thats it right there right then. I dont get too deep. Trust me I have dumped in one year 7 women. Its not that I have 0 tolerance, you can read my 2 posts where I talk about this "nice" girl I like so much I even travel half way round the world to meet.. But even her got dumped.

LOL my ex deserved an award he really did I can relate