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Thread: He ditched me on our anniversary...

  1. #1
    Lauracs
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    He ditched me on our anniversary...

    I feel so low. I don't know if I'm overreacting or being unreasonable. It was my boyfriend and I's one year anniversary and we went for a meal, he didn't get me anything but said "I was going to buy you flowers but just didn't". However I kinda expected this disappointment because on valentines day he didn't bother either whereas I got him gifts and he turned up empty handed and I felt like such a fool. I had considered getting him an anniversary gift but I really didn't want to feel that way again. Then his friends had invited him to their flat so he pretty much just left me to go be with them.. I don't have a problem with him spending time with his friends, of course not, but just felt like he had rather been with them the whole time than with me so should've just left me earlier.

    He told me he wasn't going to inform me that his friends had invited him because he was worried about how I'd "react". Well yes I think me being pretty hurt by it is a normal reaction, or is it?

    And the irony being that whenever we would be together like we'd planned a day out and he'd randomly get invited elsewhere with his friends, I'd always just tell him to go because I didnt want to seem like I was stopping him from seeing them. So he'd leave me and I'd go home and spend the rest of the night alone and feeling bitter. Then oneday his friend decided to have a go at me saying it felt like I was "taking his best friend away from him"... yes, I'm definitely stopping him seeing his friends by telling him to stop spending time with me and to be with them instead. This just felt like a slap in the face.

    What does everyone else think?

  2. #2
    mouseno4
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    Feels to me like he was just lazy. I would never just say 'i was going to do X but /shrug i just didnt'. That is a lame and hurtful thing to say.

    *sends over virtual hug*

    There is a lot of horrible guys in the world. You deserved better than him. So sorry you had to go through that.

    Really dont know how so many guys can be so callous and cold, as to leave their girlfriend behind on her own, whilst they go off and have fun. Trouble is, i hear it all the time and its depressing. Worse is that i belong on the same team as them.

    I wish the best for you in your efforts to heal from this.

  3. #3
    Jd1983
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    How is the relationship otherwise?

    Honestly, it seems as though you are more invested into the relationship than he is..

  4. #4
    Lauracs
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    I do feel like I make a huge effort whereas I don't get the same back from him. I've told him this and complained that he isn't romantic and he said "i am romantic, I enjoy kissing and cuddling you"... how is that romance? That's no different from what other couples do, that's just showing affection, not going out of your way to show someone how much you care.

    I think I should take a step back, see my friends for a bit and have some of my own time. Then maybe he'll have time to think things over and realise what's going wrong?

    I'm quite insecure and I have trust issues but I had gotten over these and at the beginning of our relationship I was fine, but then I was invited to his friend's flat party where I met some my boyfriend's friends (he never introduced me to anybody there..) and basically it was all just screaming girls hugging him and saying "I love you!" and I was already a bit upset because a 'friend' had been posting on FB that I was "ugly" etc :S so I wasn't in a super happy mood at the party, so instead of trying to take my mind off it and cheer me up, my boyfriend left me alone in a room whilst he went off with everyone else and only came back into the room I was in to get more booze. I decided to leave and he was like "do you want me to walk you to the train station?" "No" "okay bye". ... I also feel like I can't trust him because he made the mistake of telling me he'd cheated on previous girlfriends and then after one of these flatparties he told me he "woke up next to a girl" he's friends with. And I was like.. right. But apparently nothing happened, she was just there when he woke up.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm being an idiot but other times I want to believe him and know he's not hurting me. But it's that way where you don't want to make a fool of yourself and invest trust in someone just for it to turn out it wasn't worth it all along. I doubt he'd feel comfortable if I did half the things he has.

  5. #5
    piruru
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauracs [Register to see the link]
    Well yes I think me being pretty hurt by it is a normal reaction, or is it?
    It is a normal reaction. I would be pissed off if my boyfriend ditched our one year anniversary to spend time with his friends. I mean, it's one special day that happens once a year (my bf and I are currently celebrate each month). How hard can it be to sacrifice and spend it with someone you love/care about? And if he really cared about you, he would value it just as much as you do. You're not overreating or being unreasonable at all.

    That being said, how often do you guys spend time together? If you're always together then that explains why he's having to pull away and be with his friends so often. Give him copious amounts of space and see how it goes.

    No presents is a bad sign too. He doesn't sound like he really gives a damn about you at all. Like someone else said, you're much more invested than he is and that is not good. There needs to be a balance somehow.

    And his friend is a douche for saying that about you. He shouldn't have said it.

    ETA: I think you should do what you said above and pull back a bit.

  6. #6
    CatsMeeoow
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    The thing is this ---- do you want to be treated this way? Is this what you see in your future? To be with a guy who fails some sort of romantic gift on valentines day or an anniversary?

    He isn't going to change. He certainly won't change if you are complaining to him (just human nature.)

    My advice is to distance yourself. Find other things to keep yourself busy besides your bf. The next time you two talk try to keep it light and not come off as accusatory but just mention "hey I just feel really lousy when I plan a special night together and you take off early" or "I would really appreciate a card or a flower just to know that you thought of me on valentine' day". If he doesn't get it then he certainly won't.

    You determine your value not your bf.

    You need to tell yourself. Sure, he's handsome and I laugh quite a lot when times are good but I really need to have special intimate moments with my guy or I really need a guy who goes out of his way to show me he thinks of me and well this guy just isn't that guy. Stop making that square peg fit a round hole! Don't sell yourself short in making excuses for him. He just may not be the guy for you at this time.

    Take some time to think it over. Make a list of 10 things that you need from a relationship. How many of those is he actually meeting?

    Good Luck

  7. #7
    Lauracs
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    I'm not going to make him into someone he isn't or try to change him in any way, but expecting at least some form of a gift even if it was homemade or one single flower, that would've blown me away and made me happy. I was working the day before valentines day and served lots of guys who were buying their wives or girlfriends gifts and in my head I thought "yeah my boyfriend will have probably gotten me something" I suppose I built up my expectations and was let down. But I'm not expecting him to learn rocket science, giving someone flowers or a small gift isn't difficult to do, but putting no thought into it and not even bothering, how am I meant to feel about that?

    Sometimes I just think if I were a different girl who he was head over heels with then he'd treat her differently, that it's just because he doesn't really feel that strongly for me that things like these arent something he feels in his nature to do.

  8. #8
    FathomFear
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    How old are you guys?

  9. #9
    Lauracs
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    He's 21 this year and I'm 19.

  10. #10
    dramallama
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    He is putting his friends above you. It's up to you whether you put up with it or leave. He is doing it because he can and you accept it. There's another guy out there who will remember special days AND make sure that there is no doubt that they appreciate you. Please don't put up with this guy - he is just using you as a time-filler until a girl comes along with higher self esteem and he will drop you like a hot potato to wine and dine her because she expects it.

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