Troubled girl.. being charged with assault by her own mother. What to do?

There is a girl I have known for the last 5 or 6 years. She is 16 years old now and she is having a really tough time with life. I am kind of at a loss as to what I can do to help her out. I know that I am really the only person she has who listens to her or gives her advice.

Here is a bit of background information. I'll try to keep it short.

Basically, she is not a child anymore. She has gone through far too much. Her dad has been abusive towards her (she does not live with him anymore), he drinks a lot and always has random girlfriends. Her mother blames her for everything that goes wrong in their family. She drinks a lot, too and is not very responsible. Basically, she has terrible role models in her life and it's cause her to make some extremely poor decisions.

She is not innocent, by any means. She has had sex with a few guys, she smokes pot regularly because she says it makes her less stressed out and make the urges to hurt herself go away. She smokes cigarettes and gets drunk every weekend probably. She doesn't care about school and was recently suspended for smoking on school grounds. In the past, she has been involved in theft, she hit another girl because she was provoked, and in general she just seems to involve herself in a lot of trouble.

The thing is, I know her pretty well. Like I said, I've known her for 6 years. She hung out in the arcade where I worked and I got to know her. She IS a good person. She is just troubled and has no one to help her on the right path. She is always telling me how unhappy she is and how sometimes she wants to die. I actually called a suicide hotline once and learned how to deal with that because I thought she was going to end her life that night. It was scary. She has cut her arms numerous times and left scars.

She is finally going to see a specialist today about her depression. I am glad for that. But she said she is ALWAYS fighting with her mom. She said last night her mom was yelling at her for no reason while being drunk. Her mom also charged her with assault - she said her mom was up in her face yelling "hit me, hit me" and so my friend pushed her away and her mom called the cops. It's just so messed up and she has told me NUMEROUS times that I am the only person who she has to talk to and I am the only person who actually cares about her. Sad to say, this is mostly true.

I want to help her, but I don't know how. She is going to live with a foster home this weekend just to get away from her mom. She is a good person and I don't want to see her ruin her life. She is so young and it breaks my heart. I know I am only 20 years old, but honestly if I could raise her I know I would do a much better job and she might actually have a chance. She respects me and she listens to me but I'm 3 hours away and I can't keep her out of trouble. She doesn't know any better. She should. I feel sad about this.

Troubled girl.. being charged with assault by her own mother. What to do?

Best thing you can probably do is stay out of it. I know its sad to say, but its a family matter that needs to be sorted out by both the family and the authorities. Its fine to be the person who listens for her, but I wouldnt advise any other action unless you are concerned she is in danger.

Best thing you can probably do is stay out of it. I know its sad to say, but its a family matter that needs to be sorted out by both the family and the authorities. Its fine to be the person who listens for her, but I wouldnt advise any other action unless you are concerned she is in danger.

Thanks. I guess I should've said I know that there's nothing I can really do to stop things from happening with her mother. But I don't know how to help her feel better. I just feel sort of helpless. Situations like this are so sad.

That's rough.. I'd say just do your best to remind her that there's only 2 years of hell left until she turns 18, encourage her to be independent, so that when she turns she can move out, be free, and find happiness on her own.

Going to a foster home just for the weekend? I'm a social worker and I've never heard of that. How did that come about?

Going to a foster home just for the weekend? I'm a social worker and I've never heard of that. How did that come about?

Apparently when she pushed her mother and the cops were called, they came to her house with 2 other girls and they were going to take them all to foster care but then the cops told her that they would give her another chance. Now she says she visits the foster home every once in a while when she wants to get out of the house? I am not sure if she really knows what she's talking about or if things are just working differently than normal. I have no idea.

The poor girl. She must be in so much pain! When you are young, acting out is one of the only ways you can think of to let people know, "Hey, I'm hurting! Will someone help me?" Just keep being her friend, that's all you can do, and it is so very important to a troubled young girl. I am praying for her. It's tough to grow up in an alcoholic home, I had the experience and I know the symptoms of the pain.

The poor girl. She must be in so much pain! When you are young, acting out is one of the only ways you can think of to let people know, "Hey, I'm hurting! Will someone help me?" Just keep being her friend, that's all you can do, and it is so very important to a troubled young girl. I am praying for her. It's tough to grow up in an alcoholic home, I had the experience and I know the symptoms of the pain.

Thanks for the support. Yeah, I grew up in an alcoholic home, too. I was lucky enough to have had my mother and siblings to look up to. But she doesn't have any of that She has thanked me so many times for being there for her and says I am the only one who cares. I just feel so badly for her. It is a lot of pressure (not to be selfish because I am not ungrateful for the life I have), to be the only person there for her because I fear that one day I will forget to text her back or miss her call when she is in a bad place with herself and then she will end her life or something... that makes me sick to think about and I would feel so guilty.

Sanguine, it sounds like the girl's problems are far more serious than depression. The behavior you describe exhibits most of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Because depression and anxiety are side effects of BPD, doctors will treat those effects with pills. Yet, if she is a BPDer, the underlying illness is a thought disorder -- a personality disorder -- that cannot be treated with pills and cannot be cured.

She said they prescribed her anti psychotic meds to calm her down. That seems strange to me, but what do I know? She is just very up and down. Sometimes she will be joking around with me, other times she will be very upset and angry (not towards me, just in general). Sometimes I wonder if she is exaggerating things or making herself play the victim and you are right, she often blames other for her choices and mistakes.. but on the same note sometimes I agree this isn't her fault since she had no role models growing up. I do think it will take years and years of therapy or some kind of treatment in order for her to be a stable and responsible person. As much as I want for her to be away from her mother and be on her own, deep inside I know that she is not going to get any better being by herself. She constantly surrounds herself with people who are no good for her. It is just sad and I realize I can't save her, but I want to do whatever I can to help her. Thanks for all the info.

Thank you. I have been to hell and back working on my personal boundaries. I do not have any fear this time around that I would let her take advantage of my empathy and care giving qualities. Yes, she is in need of help, but the most I can do is listen and be there for her. I know I cannot fix her and that my needs come before putting her first. A year ago, this would have been a foreign concept to me but I have learned the hard way. And I have already read Codependent No More, but thank you for the suggestion You really know your stuff!

The only person I feel sorry for here is this broken girl's child. That kid has nearly no chance at a successful life with this trash as her mother. I'm quite sure we'll be reading about her being locked up for theft or another assault in the next year or so.