Should I meet her or just let it go?

Hi this is my first post, Im looking for honest advice:

About 4 months ago I met online a woman, she was very smart, well traveled, outgoing and good looking. We had long conversations, and I really liked her despite the fact of she never stating she liked me too, or at least not in a romantic way. I understood it had to do with distance. I asked her what about if I visit her, she said she would like to meet.

Anyway distance wasnt a big deal for me, I have a good salary and I had already visited her country, so it wasnt a sacrifice to go there. As time went by I realized she was very nice. So I went ahead and planned a trip to her country, tho it was a hard choice because I wanted to visit a new place this summer, but she was worth it. I told her my plans and to my surprise she said "hope you have a good trip"... Didnt show any interest. I even rented an apartment 15 minutes away from her place.. and she told me I should have rented in a city thats 5 hours away just because I would have more fun there!, I told her thats not an option because I wanted to be close to her, she said if you say so..

So I asked her:

Do you want to pick me up at the airport - no

Do you want to show me around - no

Do you want to go out for a drink - no

Do you even want to meet - maybe, if i have money and time

I couldnt believe it, she would give me a speech about how last year she met someone and did all those things for him and things didnt go as she expected, and that she is not going to put herself in that situation ever again. I had to hear that reasoning for 2 months whenever I mentioned the possibility of meeting.

I decided to call her and ease her mind, show her Im a normal guy, we talked a lot that day, and it lowered her negativity- for a while.

It turns out that I have some girls from her city on my facebook and she realized it. So she added this to her 100 reasons for not meeting me. I was amazed. Then she begins talking about her weight, and that I should meet other woman and not her because she is just a common person. I told her she is fat. I know stupid thing to say, but she was really getting to my nerves, I was so frustrated. I didnt know if she wanted me to tell her she is perfect or what, so I just said it. I also told her that her plan seems to be to stay lonely the rest of her life. She got really offended, to the point of not wanting to see me AT ALL. I quickly apologized, I said Im sorry please forgive me, I really want to see you, she said NO. Next day after that I apologized again and told her I accept her as she is, no matter what flaws she has , I accept her 100%.

She was angry with me for a few days and then disappeared. I was very worried, this isnt her typical behavior, but she appeared again a few days later, still "advising" me to meet one of those girls I have on facebook and refusing to see me. Since this facebook thing is feeding her negativity about me , I restricted access so now she cant see my friend list.

As days went by she sort of agreed to meet me so, I, again asked her if she would like to pick me up at the airport she said no, as usual.

Anyway, my trip is in about 2 weeks from now, and I dont know where I stand when it comes down to this woman.

I just want to meet her for once and for all, I know she is very close to be the one for me, if she would just allow us to meet and forget whoever that moron(s) was and give me a chance, Im a fun guy, she says she likes my physical appareance but not my personality because she doesnt know me , but is ironic that she doesnt want to give me the chance.

I think I will need to settle down and meet someone else, tho none of them are sincere and genuine as she is, none have that intensity in their eyes... and much likely none of them are gonna let me down, like she will.

Yes, Im hopeless, and she is going to let me down.

Any advice?

Only 2 weeks for my trip

Thanks,

P.

I would look for things to do in that area and if while you are there she wants to meet you go for it. Otherwise I think you need to cut your loses because if she's not all in, it won't ever work.

For her to suggest that you go out with her friends doesn't look good! I just get the feeling that she has already made up her mind about you and that she's making excuses (about her being messed around before).

If I were you I wouldn't contact her while you're in her country, but if she contacts you then great.

P.S. pleeease never call a woman fat .... good lorrrrd....

I think you should let it go - she probably doesn't look like she pretended and that is why she was making excuses. If someone is that reluctant to meet what is the point?

1m50L0n3ly: I am sorry to say that I agree with the previous reply. I do think that you will need some closure after meeting her... so make the trip, to get it over with, because I believe you really want this. But plan/find some things for you to do on your own. She is obviously not interested in making it work. I believe that you are the only one that would be committed to any kind of relationship, she most likely would not. Any person who is head over heels for anyone else can hardly contain themselves... it's hard not to show that. She is not showing you that she likes you at the level that you like her... and honestly, I am sorry to say this but, you did a terrible mistake by telling her she is fat. Even if it was just something that you said in a time of frustration... you can never take those words back. She will always remember that, and will bring that up constantly if anything were to ever develop further between you two.

I do admire you for trying to be optimistic... AND trying to pursue what you wish... I wish I had met a guy with your same persistence... (you may read my started threads if you wish, to know what I am talking about). But good luck to you. I hope you are not too hurt, and that you can find rapid closure if you need it, OR that you may convince her that you are not another jerk... either way, I wish that happens fast, so that you don't suffer trying to find an answer, for much longer. Best wishes...

And yes... NEVER EVER call a woman fat... overweight, etc... or anything else that may be negative about physical appearance, physical appearance is something that we cannot easily change about ourselves... we all already know about our imperfections, please don't ever remind any woman of that. You could literaly scar her for life. =( But best of luck... again!

She was feeding get ego by having you online. She is not into you unfortunately because if she appreciated who you are and was attracted to you then she would have said so. Cancell

The trip or go and find other women to meet. Forget her and don't ever

Talk to her again. She's a troll

Thanks everyone for the input, DanDee , Voila Regarding the "fat" comment, the girl is 5'4 and weights about 125-130 lbs. when she should be in 110-115 range to be considered thin. She is "average". I understand she has some curves, and I like that. But she isnt thin. I regret having call her fat, I asked her forgiveness less than 5 minutes after I made my rude remark, and reinforced her that I accept her as she is, I meditated about it for a whole day and is understandable because she has meat on her bones. I like it. I know it was a stupid mistake, she was insecure, and I made her probably 10 times more insecure. Instead of calling her fat I should have told her the "i accept you as you are"right then right there.

Anyway, the weight issue is much likely an excuse also, because I know women with a few extra pounds that still will agree to meet a guy whos visiting from the other side of the world.

Voila I have read a post of yours, and I guess you should be happy that at least that guy didnt disappeared after you have spent money in a plane ticket, believe me, its the worst feeling ever.

OptimisticGirl im taking some books and dvds with me, Im going to be in 5 bedroom apartment by myself so might as well enjoy the "me" time, I have some books that I have always wanted to read and couldnt for lack of time. Also Im going to be close to a beach, and several night clubs, so hopefully I will meet a girl in "normal" circumstances.

I think its also a good idea to take with me the contact information of those "facebook" girls haha - I feel dumb writing that but I guess will keep my options open.

DN You might be right , but she has a facebook account with family members (parents) friends and coworkers in there that are constantly commenting on her wall so I doubt she isnt the one in the pic. I have also seen her once in webcam and is the same person. But everything is possible nowadays.

top bloke, if she was looking for an ego boost to then burn me, and in the time im there she doesnt make up her mind she can be certain i will find someone else and wont hesitate in posting a picture in my account.

Dont be revengeful..have a pure heart. She is who she is..peace.

Yeah, she isn't fat dear - I'm 5'4" and weigh 200. Last time I checked 200 is FAR more fat than 130.

Dude, you called her fat. Unfortunately, that will come back to haunt you forever if she does decide to ever meet you. You'll never be able to convince her that you accept her 100%.

Optimisticgirl I read in some other post that you met your boyfriend online, so your weight wasnt an obstacle for you to meet in real life. Why 10- 20 extra pounds should be such an obstacle for this girl?

ibu, I dont understand how can that affect me If even before I said the word fat she was already against me.

Optimisticgirl I read in some other post that you met your boyfriend online, so your weight wasnt an obstacle for you to meet in real life. Why 10- 20 extra pounds should be such an obstacle for this girl?

 

ibu, I dont understand how can that affect me If even before I said the word fat she was already against me.

It was an obstacle - for me- when we did meet in real life though. We may have met online but insecruity just doesn't disappear because you meet someone online. I had huge self insecruity issues and still had them when we met in person - I just got lucky to find a guy who likes a curvy girl.

What do you mean by obstacle? As in why she views herself fat from those 10-20 lbs?

Ya let her go...and calling her names...probably didn't help either.

I'd let her go. There are too many issues and a little bit of drama already and you haven't even met. Not worth it, imo.

I'm a strong believer that if she isn't showing the same interest that you are and you go and meet her, that you're setting yourself up for some serious heartbreak. Even if you do meet and you still have really strong feelings for her, I don't think it will ever eventuate into anything.

I wish I had taken this advice when I set off to meet my online boyfriend. I thought that he would suddenly take one look at me and just tell me that he wants to be with me forever lol. We met, I confirmed my feelings that indeed I did love him and want him but now Im still facing the fact that he doesn't feel the same way. Knowing that I have actually seen him and I still feel this way is absolutely killing me and ruining my life right now.

I'm telling you this because if she's feeling this way now then she will still feel that way even if you two meet. There's just not that mutual interest there so if I were you, I would move on.

Also - the fat comment I think just shows that you have a lack of understanding about women. We take comments like that to heart and it can be really upsetting.

Hello guys and gals

So I followed your advice, stopped contacting her. Then, out of nowhere she contacted me saying she wants to meet the night that I arrive. But regardless I have arranged dates with other local girls,you know just in case.. I think its fair enough.