Boyfriend accused me of cheating and doesn't trust me! I don't know what to do!!

I am 110% honest and loyal to my boyfriend. I have never cheated on him-EVER! I have turned guys down, and never once thought of cheating on him. Today, we had a big episode, and I think it's a deal breaker for me.

I was at my son's baseball practice today, and I called him on the phone. About 4 min later, one of the coaches goes up to the fence because my son has to use the bathroom, so I said I would call him back. I took him to the bathroom, and took him back to the field. Then, realized i forgot to give his glove back and gave it to one of the managers. Then, I sat back down, and was calling my boyfriend back. As the phone was ringing the manager came up to me to tell me something, so i disconnected the call. Three min later, my boyfriend calls me and is fuming. Demands to know who I am with because some guy just called from my phone, called him said Hi and hung up. (huh???) he said he is not stupid and I had better tell him what is going on. I tried to explain I am by myself, and that he is ruining my day at my sons baseball practice. Then he says he doesn't care about anything else except that I am honest. Now, I dont know what happened. I don't know if he heard the managers voice, a line crossed, or someone else called him before or after me and he didn't see it, but I was alone!!!

I tried convincing him all day, but he wouldn't believe me!! I am at lunch with my son, he asks who I am with. Then, we are texing later, and everything seems fine. Few hours later, I take my son to an amusement park. I am texing him the entire time. Then I call him and he sounds very glum and he said to call him back later. Then we are texing and he said no one goes to the amusement park alone! like, a mother cant take her son to the amusement park for the day??? he is convinced I am lying and said if i am lying, then not to bother coming to see him again!! omg. I was texting him, but of course he isn't responding anymore...ugh.

This isnt the first epsidode. Like 2 weeks ago, I went to my girlfriends house for tea and appetizers, and he is saying how he doesn't like her, and how she is trouble. And of course, he is convinced I am drinking it up. His best friend never calls him, and he thinks its because he is jealous. I will bet my left foot, that he isnt and there is more to it. I dont know what to do now. I have tried talking to him, and reasoning with him, but to no avail. I am starting to think he has a mental illness. He is just too hot and cold. He goes from being logical to delusional and having extreme outbursts. He wont seek treatment or counselling. Do I cut my losses and run?

Wow. Great post and great question. I will take you at face value that there is nothing going on with any guy. With that truth then your boyfriend is really out of line and very insecure about you for some reason. To me, it almost sounds irrational ambush style of arguing where the person exaggerates their claims, makes false presentations of evidence and constantly shifts the questioning as they try and trip you up.

The bottom line is that you are not doing anything wrong and he cannot even articulate his own insecurities. Instead, he is only looking for evidence that will support his wild accusations. Line telephone lines get crossed. People should be able to enjoy time away with their child without the cellphone being used as an electronic leash and monitoring device.

Sorry, my vote is cut your losses. His issues appear to be too deep for discussion. This could only get worse down the track.

Personally, I would just cut my losses and run.

There isnt a darn thing going on with any other guy only him!! its like he wants to catch me! No matter what I say, he isnt convinced and I cannot handle this " you better not be lying or don't come back" because it looks as if he got his wish!

Personally, I would just cut my losses and run.

Behavior like this only gets worse not better with time. Get out before the behavior escalates.

holy CRAP! please tell me you're really from NYC, otherwise I'd swear we had been dating the same guy!!

The man you describe is exactly what I've been dealing with for many months, even says the exact things! Sad to say, it doesn't get any better

I know its for the best, it just makes me sad because I do love him, and he is a very genuine, caring and generous guy. But his behavior is obesessive. I think he has somehow convinced himself that I am not with my son at all. I dont get it. He just texted me again in fact, saying I dont know what your up to, but you better tell me the truth. Is there really anything else I can say to this maniac? ugh

holy CRAP! please tell me you're really from NYC, otherwise I'd swear we had been dating the same guy!!

 

The man you describe is exactly what I've been dealing with for many months, even says the exact things! Sad to say, it doesn't get any better Ha I am. He is texting me now in fact demanding to know the truth!! saying to watch what I say or my stuff will be on the street. I dont give a crap. I have some clothes at his house, but I wanted to lose weight anyways! he can do what he wants! I want out.

wow I am just stunned, I'm dealing with the same kinda guy dear. His lack of trust in me caused him to dump me for the 500th time, though he wants me to beg and apologize for stuff I didn't even do. Believe me, this kind of drama gets very old after awhile. I too am ready to get out, and give a big "F*** this" to the relationship.

Tell him "the truth" is that he's being a psychotic douche and you're over it.

If the things at his place are things you can live without I would just text him back and say, "Fine, keep those things. I am breaking up with you. Please do not contact me again."

The reason I think you should tell him to not contact you again (an send it via text so there is proof) is because he sounds like a guy who could become a stalker or do something stupid. You might need legal protects in the future.

Because he is not using his logic. He convinces himself of crap that isnt true. Then a day or two passes, and he acts like nothing happened! " So what time are you coming"? huh???? Its crazy!!! I feel like a broken record saying the say stuff over and over again.....but its pointless!!! I mean i could see if i never come to see him, but I take 2 trains after work one day to see him, and then on alot of weekends i do the same but it takes longer from where i live. This weekend, I was with my son and I havent had many full weekends with him, so now he is flying off the handle.

Tell him "the truth" is that he's being a psychotic douche and you're over it.

If the things at his place are things you can live without I would just text him back and say, "Fine, keep those things. I am breaking up with you. Please do not contact me again."

 

The reason I think you should tell him to not contact you again (an send it via text so there is proof) is because he sounds like a guy who could become a stalker or do something stupid. You might need legal protects in the future.

Just be sure to protect yourself. If he starts contacting you repeat that you do not want any communication from him and if he continues you will have no problem contacting the police. Even if you don't mean it, it might be just enough to get him to leave you alone with is ultimately what you want.

Just be sure to protect yourself. If he starts contacting you repeat that you do not want any communication from him and if he continues you will have no problem contacting the police. Even if you don't mean it, it might be just enough to get him to leave you alone with is ultimately what you want.

I just want to say it makes me very happy to be here on ENA and see someone getting out of what could be a very bad relationship. There is just something very refreshing about it. I really hope you find someone who is stable and loving and who will be a good role model for your son.

If he really does mess with your stuff, it'll just prove his immaturity even more, which is all the more reason to try your luck elsewhere.

Well, he is still texting me asking me what I am doing, etc. He is off his rocker

Honestly, tell him that if he contacts you again you will call the police because he is making you uncomfortable. He really sounds like someone who could try to come and find you in a blind rage. Call the cops if he keeps it up.

He just threatenened me. He said if i lie to him, that I will find out that I should not lie.

Well, he is still texting me asking me what I am doing, etc. He is off his rocker

You are making a good decision here but during your break with him, take a moment and evaluate the decisions that you made which led you here. Do you have a value system which allows you to assess and select a potential partner? Or do you tend to follow where things lead without much evaluation before hand? You say that you "really love him and he can be a great guy" and that puzzles me. Someone can have good qualities but that does not make them a match for you.

You might date a guy and realize that 1) he is charming and funny = +50 points, 2) he has a good and stable career = +100 points, 3) he is a crazed control-freak who threatens you and rages with baseless accusations = -10,000 points. Right? I mean the sum of what he offers you makes me wonder what you were getting out of this relationship? You had warning signs and have even gone back to him before during this kind of cycle. This pattern could be repeated in the future unless you have a good strong talk with yourself about how you select a partner. Good luck to you! I know this break has been a long time coming. Stay strong!

Well, when I met him he seemed like a really nice gentleman. Opened the door, etc. Then, I thought he had it all together. Good job, his own place, nice family, etc. He has a good heart, calls me, wants to spend time with me, makes future plans,etc. The last guy made excuses for not being able to hang out, so I guess the first guy that showed me alot of attention, I flew to. But it was the wrong kind of attention.

I'm going to go with a different approach to this Enchanted, just to put in another perspective. Although that I agree with everyone else, including you, that your man is acting a bit out of line and has some trust issues, have you thought that maybe its the things that you do that gives him a basis to conclude that you are messing around(not that you really are)?

This is all just speculation, but have you actually attempted to "show" him that you aren't messing around? Rather than just tell him? Yes I know, he should trust you no matter what, no doubt about that. But honestly, have you analyzed how you have been acting lately to him and when you are out?

My point is this: Actions speak louder than words. I have been in a similar situation as your bf. My girl was beginning to act distant sometimes. Sometimes hang up on me and I would hear men on the other line just before hand. She would go out with her friends a lot more without inviting me. I was worried over stupid little things because I could feel that she was complacent with me. I was such a nervous and insecure wreck I literally convinced myself she was up to something over time because I felt she was being complacent with our relationship. Now? We are better than ever because she showed me that I am the one(over time). Just show him that you aren't cheating. Call him when you say you will, remind him how much he means to you, stuff like that. You love him still right? I say give him reason to trust you again because maybe he is afraid of losing you. Everyone is so eager to say "run away", but just put yourself in his shoes and think about how you've been treating the relationship. I don't know how strong it is, but I'm just trying to help you out by looking at it from a different view.