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Thread: Co-Worker Is Bad-Mouthing Me

  1. #1
    reboundstudent
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    Co-Worker Is Bad-Mouthing Me

    I've been working at a job I really enjoy for about seven months now. It's a great job-nice benefits, decent pay, and I enjoy the work I do.

    When I first started, I bonded with the other two people who started with me, a girl my age and a guy a little older. The three of us became a trio that stuck together-had lunch, chatted often, and I generally like them.

    However, about two months ago I noticed that the girl was getting snottier and snottier with me. I just seemed to always be annoying or frustrated her. One particular lunch, I suggested that we should go out for drinks sometime. She half snapped/half joked," Only if you promise not to argue with me in public." (Apparently she feels I'm very argumentative?...) I was flabbergasted into silence, and went back to my food, and she said," See, you're much better like this." "Not talking?" "Exactly."

    Then, the next day, she and the guy went down to lunch earlier without me... didn't stop by to ask if I'd like to go or let me know they felt like eating early, which we always did. When I went down to eat myself, they completely ignored me.

    I figured this was a hint that I'd finally just annoyed her so far, so I stopped going down to lunch with them all together and just ate at my desk. The only interaction we had after was her asking if I was permanently eating lunch, and me responding yeah, I liked to use the time to check my email and so far.

    I thought that was that. I haven't spoken with her since, but neither have I ignored her. I very much just keep to myself, because I thought the best way to handle someone who doesn't like you is to stay out of their way and minimize their expose to you. I haven't discussed the situation with anyone, as I didn't feel there was a need-our personalities just clashed, it happens, we'll just be professionally polite.

    Well, it turns out she's been * * * * * ing about me all around our department, especially to the group of people she now sits with at lunch!

    Why?? Why is she doing this? I haven't done a thing to her. How could I possibly be pissing her off when all I do is sit at my desk and work? I have practically no friends there as it is. So why does she feel the need to complain about me? What can I possibly do to make it stop?

  2. #2
    findingbeauty
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    How interesting. I have a similar situation and came on here and saw your post.
    But first off, what is she saying about you and how do you know?

  3. #3
    reboundstudent
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    Not sure exactly what she's saying... I was just told by another coworker that she complains and * * * * * es about me, and the usual group response is," Yeah, that's <my name> for ya, she's just weird."

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    Oneironaut
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    Well, I once had a co-worker who was extremely argumentative to the point of ridiculousness, but if you tried to tell her that, she'd just argue, lol...my question being, do -you- think you're argumentative at all?

  5. #5
    reboundstudent
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    Sure. That's part of my personality. I don't take issue so much with her disliking me/thinking I'm argumentative. That's why I started avoiding her, so I'd stop annoying her. She's welcome to dislike me all she likes, but why is it necessary to complain to other people about me?

  6. #6
    Oneironaut
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    It's not necessary, that's pure immaturity on her part.

    I don't know what the environment there is like, but it might be a good idea to sit down and talk with a supervisor. She absolutely, positively should NOT be bad-mouthing you to other co-workers, as some companies consider that a form of harassment.

  7. #7
    Tique
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    I'm having this very same problem. I have no idea what I've done to this coworker for them not to like me. I'm wondering if it is as ridiculous as them thinking that I'm taking away their shine....

    the whole situation just makes the office so tense for me. I can understand how you feel. especially since her bad mouthing is unwarranted.

  8. #8
    findingbeauty
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    There is someone at the office where I work that doesn't like me and though she's pleasant to my face, she says things about me behind my back and one of the positions that has high turn-over she always tells them things to poison them against me, and this person is NOT pleasant to my face, but it avoidant, rude, non-communicative and passive-aggressive. I'm not sure what action can be taken to correct this behavior so we can work together productively, especially since it's primarily her attitude and not so much any particular thing she is doing. Do I set up a meeting with our boss to have a pow-wow and talk about the hard feelings which is at the basis of it? I've tried to talk to her one-on-one and she just shuts me down.

  9. #9
    Messiah
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    I'm sorry, some people are just * * * * * es. You'll never get alone with everybody, and people will talk about you once in a while. Just try to stay strong and keep to yourself. Keep professionaly polite with her, and try not to bad-mouth her back. Even though she's got a group of coworkers she now has lunch with, and talks bad about you to, doesn't mean they necessarily like her or respect her, or are even siding with her. Some people just sit along and give the "uh huhs, yep, uh huh.. Yeah that's just the way she is though.." just to be polite, and keep on the girl's good side, so they don't become the focus of her gossip. If professionalism is a big focus at this workplace, your coworkers probably realize what she's doing is nasty, and might look down on her for it. She's screwing herself over by doing this, really. Maybe if it gets bad enough someone will sympathize with you and rat her out to a boss, although often it has to get really bad for that to happen. If it's effecting you emotionally, and you trust your boss, you could bring it up to them yourself, and maybe ask if he/she could have a unit meeting to go over the companies respect/harassment policy so that it gets drilled into her, yet remains anonymous (because you don't want her to have another reason to hate you).

  10. #10
    bulletproof
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    Here is something confusing to me- why is another coworker even telling you what this person says about you? I feel that's instigating, and perhaps that's someone you shouldn't be that close with.

    Have you considered talking with your coworker directly? Or maybe asking if you can join them for lunch again sometime?

    I have found that killing with kindness actually works, really really well. And it can be a good way for you to grow, too, in that you can work on traits like your argumentativeness. When she originally made a comment about you being argumentative, perhaps instead of shutting them out, you could have asked her for more feedback, apologized, and told her that you were hurt by her comments.

    Communication is really key.

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