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Thread: It's a strange world but there must be a way

  1. #421
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    S broke up with me suddenly 2 weeks ago.

    I cannot find the words still.
    Today is 6 months since we met.

  2. #422
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    Originally Posted by quirky
    S broke up with me suddenly 2 weeks ago.

    I cannot find the words still.
    Today is 6 months since we met.
    I'm sorry this happened and I hope you feel much better very soon.

  3. #423
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    I'm sorry. I knew you were so hopeful. When you feel up to it....come back and vent. We will listen.

  4. #424
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    Today at work I was 2 seconds away from tears the whole day. When I came back home I couldn't stop sobbing.
    I feel so deeply hurt and rejected.
    He broke up with me in a 3 min conversation after promising a future.
    Everything moved fast I know...but somehow it felt certain..I don't know why as I haven't dived in so deep before. It really was reciprocal.
    I genuinely thought I had met my forever person.
    When you know you know, if we ended it would break me, you are the best girlfriend I have ever had..how can someone say all these things and just cut you out?
    After that 3 min conversation I haven't heard from him and it is 4 weeks today.
    I feel such a fool at inviting him back to my home country. My family welcomed him, my mum spent a lot of money. And he dumped me 2 weeks after.
    One of my childhood friends died and I wanted him to be more engaged with me emotionally. He said he cannot talk about death and he feels I want him to change so he is done.

    I wrote him poems and gave him so much positive validation and let him in EVERYWHERE in my life when I still haven't been at his place due to the complex situation with his mother, haven't met his mum and when we came back from holiday where he met my whole family we went to his area and stayed at a hotel....like I am some dirty secret.

    Just so much pain at the moment.
    I am very angry.
    At letting my guard down for once and having this result.
    At his absence and silence as if all we shared is worth nothing, not even offering a proper goodbye
    At wondering how much was genuine when I thought we were on the same page and he was accumulating material to justify his exit
    At myself for overlooking his cowardly nature because I thought he was the one
    At him cutting me out like all other women when he promised it was different
    At my foolishness
    At life itself

    I have no energy, desire or stamina to love or put myself out there again and I want to be more selfish, I have gone too far the other way flipping caring about everyone's emotions way too much.

    Since my father died it is just one pain after the other, I feel so done and tired of hurting.

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  6. #425
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    I'm very sorry you're hurting. I think this is the same person but you'd posted earlier about some issues you could see cropping up between you but it sounds like after that you believed those were resolved? Often I know things feel especially certain when they move fast and especially when lovely words are said in the midst of the whirlwind. He probably believed those words when he said them and being "the best girlfriend" -well, compared to what -what was his past, what kind of relationships was he comparing it to, what was he looking for? I'm sorry you are feeling so angry and frustrated about what happened. Maybe it's concerning that you felt he needed so much positive validation? Certainly we want to be there for those we care about but it sounds like he was kind of like a wounded bird or presented that way and you wanted to rescue/fix him? I dated a guy like that once and found myself attached to men like that at a certain point in my life (my late father was bipolar, my mom was his hero, hmmmmm).

    Of course you should heal now, and even thinking about being out there must feel too soon I'd imagine. Please try not to make any significant decisions about that right now. JMHO.

    I hope you feel much better soon.

  7. #426
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quirky
    When you know you know, if we ended it would break me, you are the best girlfriend I have ever had..how can someone say all these things and just cut you out?
    It's happened before and it will happen again. Some people are empty like that.

    Originally Posted by quirky
    I am very angry.
    At letting my guard down for once and having this result.
    You had your guard up because you were afraid. You took your first risk and you be proud of the courage it took for you to drop your guard.

    Yes, you made a bad decision in overlooking his cowardice. But you're bound to make a couple bad decisions when you are in new territory. You have to start somewhere.

    Believe it or not, this is your first step toward having a truly deep and meaningful relationship with someone.

    You just have to learn a little bit about all of the pitfalls you've been protecting yourself against.

    In the long run, that high guard hasn't helped you; it's made you a little more vulnerable to deception.

    Be angry. But don't give up and revert back to that false sense of safety.

    Onward and upward!

  8. #427
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    I have had such a bad weekend

    I am still unable to accept that it is over. None of it makes sense...how can I be 'the one' one day and for him to cut me out the next.
    I am experiencing a huge emotional and cognitive dissonance, I really thought he was my forever person.
    I think also his high standards caused me more anxiety.
    But I still cannot see one good that comes from it. Usually when relationships have ended I have felt a slight relief or hope that I will reconnect with something that I lost in the relationship. I feel none of that now, just devastation.

  9. #428
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    I would just let the feelings be and just be with the feelings without too much questioning. And yes feelings can change quickly and people can choose not to communicate that feelings have changed so that when they do it comes as a shock to the other person. Often in the earlier stages it can seem like this is the forever person -those earlier stages are so vulnerable and the expectations of forever can be a little unrealistic although exciting!
    If he had high standards that's one thing -but if you mean you felt you fell short of his standards that doesn't sound good for a forever person.

    I hope you feel better very soon!

  10. #429
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Aw, Quirky. I am so sorry to hear of all this. I know it's been a while, but you and I used to have a lot of back and forth back when I was going through a much similar fallout of a relationship. And I SO understand the complete shock of someone promising the world and then flipping a switch and deleting you from that world they assured you'd be sharing together. It's a very scary thing for me that people are capable of that, be so convincingly genuine and delightful, and then change at the flip of a switch.

    It's why even now, as I've entered into a new relationship that is going wonderfully, that fear way in the back of my head remains. Am I capable of fully putting my trust in someone anymore? I don't know. I really want to but I'll have to see if I end up capable.

    But I truly am sorry, Quirky. I can tell you give everything when you're serious with someone and I just feel so bad that it ended up this way. You know I'm being real when I tell you I know exactly how that feels. There really aren't any words I could ever muster to comfort you. But I do understand exactly what it's like, and you deserve so much better.

    Cliche as it is, I truly believe you'll get through this and come out the other side better and stronger. You have a fierce, loving heart that can't be broken. It may be damaged, but it will return to the vibrant, full-of-love vessel that you've always had and so bravely exuded.

    It just needs the time to be mended and cared for. One day at a time, yeah?

    Take care of yourself, Quirky. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

  11. #430
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    Thank you for your comments and nice to e-see you again LikeWater though shame you are posting at a sad time for me!

    Often in the earlier stages it can seem like this is the forever person -those earlier stages are so vulnerable and the expectations of forever can be a little unrealistic although exciting
    I hear you Batya33. I guess I never had that before so cannot compare.
    I don't understand how people just change their mind and cut you off, I feel some respect and courtesy at minimum is due if someone has invested their time in me, least I can do is an apology or even better a warning. This feels so violent to my heart - how can someone claim to love or even care for me and cut me out like I'm nothing, like some dirt he cleaned off his shoe, it's astounding and disgusting that people do this. If that is actually possible then how can anyone really fall in love unless I start viewing this as some sort of transaction. I was naive this time I confess...because it simply felt right.

    And I SO understand the complete shock of someone promising the world and then flipping a switch and deleting you from that world they assured you'd be sharing together. It's a very scary thing for me that people are capable of that, be so convincingly genuine and delightful, and then change at the flip of a switch.
    For real. I am just... disturbed inside. Scary for sure and to me it's also morally wrong, I have broken up with people but never like that and never after promising them a future, I mean.. w-t-f go check yourself out and stop damaging other people's lives. Because it does damage people in ways they have to work really hard to overcome these wounds - if they ever do. Not saying my future is his responsibility but I did not deserve this.
    My friends say that his attitude speaks volumes about his avoidance and ability to show up in a relationship but at this point this is hardly assuaging the level of rejection I feel.
    I am experiencing a lot of anger also due to my own pride and ego. I aim to bring a lot in the relationship, mind, body and soul and I feel like this guy left me like I am worth very little, his actions diminish my value...that's how I experience it.

    How did you get over it? I do not remember the full story I am sorry, was it a long relationship?


    I'm sorry. I knew you were so hopeful. When you feel up to it....come back and vent. We will listen.
    Thank you for this, it helped me reading it 2 weeks ago.

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