Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 4 of 44 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 439

Thread: It's a strange world but there must be a way

  1. #31
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    Your friend that died lives in you. He will always be an extension of your life. He will live through you, and the others he touched in life.
    This is terribly sad. I find this very hard to accept.

    thank you both Jonas and In the Dark.

    I slept just over 4 hours, couldn't sleep. I came to work, went to the cinema after work. Cried in the cinema, didn't enjoy the film because the lead actress looked almost identical to a girl my ex dated while we were apart. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I left and went to the toilets and cried.

    I came to the library to write in case it helps. I am on my way to my hobby, I hope I can do it. I am supposed to meet my ex tomorrow and he hasn't contacted me. I feel like nothing.

  2. #32
    Gold Member Saffron_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    UK
    Age
    37
    Posts
    685
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by quirky

    I slept just over 4 hours, couldn't sleep. I came to work, went to the cinema after work. Cried in the cinema, didn't enjoy the film because the lead actress looked almost identical to a girl my ex dated while we were apart. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I left and went to the toilets and cried.

    I am supposed to meet my ex tomorrow and he hasn't contacted me. I feel like nothing.
    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. The last time I went through a breakup I went to the cinema just about every other day because I knew if I went home I'd call him and the cinema felt like an acceptable place to be alone (at that time I didn't want my friends, I just wanted to be alone). I remember going to see 'He's just not that into you' and '500 days of summer' and it was awful. So many couples in the cinema and so many things on screen that I at the time related to in my own life. Eventually I decided animated films would be best so I went to see 'UP'. Well that was a big mistake! The first 10 minutes of that film just made me cry and cry!

    Why are you meeting your ex if you don't mind me asking? Have you two been broken up long?

  3. #33
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    Hey Saffron, thank you for your interest.

    Have you been out of the breakup a long time now?
    We kinda broke up 2-3 months ago. But we've been in touch a bit after 6 weeks of NC. I wanted a dvd he suggested we meet. When he hadn't contacted me I said I wouldn't make it.

    Then he texted and called, suggesting other dates to meet and questioning why I can't meet. It's all messy. But I was glad he called because I had a chance to say lots of things I wanted to say. He was upset, he sounded like a mess.

    But yeah...why would I meet him. I don't know, I guess I just feel lost and confused. It didn't feel like it was time to break up if that makes sense.
    Did you find it hard to stay NC? I think I remember your story then..you reconciled no?

  4. #34
    Gold Member Saffron_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    UK
    Age
    37
    Posts
    685
    Gender
    Female
    I think I remember your story quirky...

    Did you change your name or am I thinking of someone else? We did reconcile although it took a long time and things were rocky for ages. I actually don't like to talk about it very often because I'm at the stage of putting the past behind me now (or at least I'm trying) and since I've been doing that, I've been gradually feeling happier. Letting go of past hurt is the hardest thing as far as I'm concerned but I had do that to get the friendship back and I had to get the friendship back to get the love back. Do you want to get back with him? Do you feel it's fixable? It's horrible when things are messy. I remember it well

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    I had do that to get the friendship back and I had to get the friendship back to get the love back.
    I think I feel something similar..and maybe it's my ego stopping me.
    I don't know what I want at the moment. I guess time will tell. For now, I do what I can to respect my feelings I guess. Little things like not force myself too much (I tend to hate how I feel and over-do things). And slowly accept things. Today I cooked a proper meal, tidied my room a bit, sorted out our recycling..looking after my life kinda thing, it helps.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    Today I was supposed to work till 4 but they asked me to stay on and I ended up staying till 8. I don't feel as bad as the last days but I kinda feel that the worst hasn't come yet, regarding the breakup. Or maybe it won't come, who knows. Things are slowly becoming more clear to me though and that's only a good thing.

    I asked a colleague to come with me to a local Theatre show next Saturday. He lives close and it would be so nice to be friends, I love going out close to my home and I really like his company. I worry he might think I desire him, I did say as a joke that my best friend was a guy and moved abroad and I want to replace him and my colleague found it funny. So I hope he can see it's friendship I want. I really hope he comes but I'll go by myself anyway.

    I will also go to the Theatre at work this Saturday, meet a friend next Tuesday, watch a movie next Thursday. I also want to watch War Horse, it comes out this Friday and I cried even at the trailer. I am planning to do all that by myself. Though I also asked another colleague I like if she wants to go to a Woody Allen film together. She's a nice girl and she seemed interested.

    So I am making an effort to open up to new people.

    Though the past days my most fulfiling moments are shower, my fan heater and Frasier

  8. #37
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Somewhere to the right of Australia
    Age
    40
    Posts
    5,000
    I would really like to make the effort to open up and meet new people.
    I feel I do, but they end up just going back to their tried and true friends which I do not have.
    Like I'm just that, different and interesting buzz for a temporary change.

    So my past puts me off doing so.

    As for the worst hasn't come yet.
    Are you meaning emotionally?
    Or response from someone?

    I'm going to go to the movies tonight.
    Sherlock Holmes 2.
    I haven't been in a very very long time.
    I miss the smell of popcorn in the theater..

  9. #38
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    I feel I do, but they end up just going back to their tried and true friends which I do not have.
    I understand that. I think it has to do with age a bit. I feel somewhat similar. Everyone seems to really like me but I'd like to connect deeper with 2-3 people. Are there any foreigners where you live? Because foreigners are usually up for meeting new people, their long and trusted friends tend to be back in their home country and they usually look for new acquaintances.

    Talking of which..

    Sometimes I feel out of place with being foreign here. I really like my working place, colleagues and Managers and I wish I could connect with them fully. It's like I'm missing something and I feel that they are missing a lot of me too. Jokes can be a problem sometimes or unless I monitor my reactions I may come accross too direct and that's intimidating in the British culture. Also with the accent. I used to make huge efforts to have a good accent but I can't be bothered any more. And then you get this comment 'oh you've been here 9 years, your accent is strong!' Then I think..THIS is strong? Wait till you hear me when I am relaxed or when I'm REALLY not trying..lol

    I don't like to fall into the usual stereotype of a foreigner hanging around with other foreigners but as time goes by I can't help but find it more relaxing, especially other mediterranean people. It's like...we 'get' each other. Not a million of Thanks you's and Please or social awkwardness, I can be straight to the point and it's cool.

    Have fun at the movies In the Dark

    It's annoying working in the evening cos I start settling at home..ugh.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Somewhere to the right of Australia
    Age
    40
    Posts
    5,000
    We have a fair few Asians who come to the design school but the ones I come accross all seem reluctant to mingle with non Asians unless they have to.
    Other foreigners are usually just passing on through, so it's pretty much a dead end there.

    I also get the feeling I am missing something.
    There are often time where I feel I am missing their mannerisms.
    Just not understanding their behavior, humor, socially acceptable abrasive behavior within their circle.

    The strange thing with me is I was born and brought up in New Zealand yet I still feel I have to put in quite some effort to relate to any social circle I come accross.
    Even then I am struggling to comprehend their mindset.
    Possibly because I spend so much time by myself that, I have created my own identity free of anyone elses influence that I can not understand their ways?
    Or it could be simply down to just the social circles I have come accross.
    A few days a ago I did mention that I feel like I am in the wrong Country yet I love the surroundings and the familiarity of being here.

    Didn't end up going to the movies last night, ended up getting Let the Right One In.
    Since seeing Let Me In which is the American remake of the movie, I can see how they have changed parts to make the movie not so dark.

    Well, I hope things get better for you even though, it seems yuor time is spent at home at the moment.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5,001
    Gender
    Female
    Possibly because I spend so much time by myself that, I have created my own identity free of anyone elses influence that I can not understand their way
    That does happen. If you spend lots of time alone interraction becomes harder. Particularly if you're in your mind a lot and your mind is creative..!

    It feels like the right thing for me to do to stay at home a bit more so I can accept my feelings. I got free tickets for the theatre tonight but I don't know if I want to go back out again. Came back home for 2 hours to go back out the same route again. Annoying.

    It was difficult at work today. I couldn't sleep last night, had some nightmares too. I was serving people over the phone and it was just so frustrating..everyone thinks they know better. And when they complain...most of the times there's not much I can do. It's tough feeling pain and having to be chirpy because 'it's your job', it adds to feeling unimportant and like you're nothing. It was hard to be focused and because of it and my English was not that good; I was tired and they were stressing me out. We have a readout paper on how to serve people on the phone (a dialogue example) and I usually have that around on difficult days but couldn't find the bloody thing today. It's kinda sad how effective the readout is..how effective lack of individuality is.
    That's why I'll probably never rise much in a company, because I can't be generic enough.

    Anyway..

    I teared up a few times at work and cried on the bus back. I couldn't wait to get back home. I am starting to realise my ex is not interested in anythng more and it's a blow to my ego to say the least. I find it hard to believe he's willing to lose me. I am not deluded I know how he was with me, he was at his happiest with me or his Art. Now he's doing none of the 2. But it's really not my business any more. I was ok yesterday, felt more positive. And had a clear understanding that this is better for me long term. But since last night, I had flashbacks of him approaching other women, going on dates, kissing them and gawd does it hurt. I can only hope that there's beter things to come and that's why it is happening. When I think of that night when my friend died and my ex was there doing what anyone else would do really..but he wouldn't budge on his need for space. It made me feel so desperate. Like how do you find it in your heart to be like this? Even in a tragic moment like this he couldn't see beyond his depression/own needs. I guess he offered to be there as a friend but other people did too.

Page 4 of 44 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •