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Thread: It's a strange world but there must be a way

  1. #21
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    Staying at home for New Year's by myself is my idea of misery...and failure. I know many people don't mind doing that but for me it's a sign of something not quite working. Unless one hates New Year's. Which again under normal circumstances I don't understand as it is a reason to go out and have a little bit of fun.
    Nevertheless I will stay in. Because it is like that this year. And I kinda hope it never happens again.

  2. #22
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    I hope that the new year brings you much happiness and love. I have seen many posts from you and you are always so stoic and strong and you always have great insight. There is no way someone like that would not, could not, find love. Hang in there.

    I am avoiding the whole NYE thing this year. But I agree with you that people who look down upon NYE and Valentine's day are being too cynical. When you have a love, you want to find any excuse to celebrate your love.

    Wishing you lots of love.

    Best,

    - curiocity
    Last edited by curiocity; 12-31-2011 at 02:27 PM.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    ^^^ thank you for your kind words. Aw, I told you in my PM I am not that strong but trying to I guess

    When you have a love, you want to find any excuse to celebrate your love.
    I believe in this a lot too. And not necessarily romantic love. Love for life above all..

  4. #24
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    I haven't cried today. It was a better day overall. But it feels inside like I am. It's slow and it drags. I thought on the way back that my dad is 72 and he will die soon. I was a bit better in the morning when I did some music.

    I feel rather awkward around people because I have to hide my pain. It worries me how well I can act that I am ok. But even that is wavering lately. Work does help though in general.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
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    Life can be such a bitter slog at times.

    It's great you have ways to release the hurt and have things to avoid dwelling on whatever makes you feel.....not good.

    I'm guessing you do not have anyone that you can confide in over there?
    Or just chill out with and do other things for company and lifting spirits?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    I get on with my colleagues and I socialise with them. They all really like me. I can talk to them a little, we tend to talk when it's not busy at work. And I can go a bit deeper with most (we're alll creatives) but I am always conscious of not dropping the mood too much. I find it very hard to suggest a meeting with 1 or 2 of them that I feel closer because I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what I feel, nor what I need..I am just missing people. I am stuck in a loop of 'I want my friends and bf back, I want my friends and bf back etc'. I am challenging it though, it's ok, I have to. I don't feel terribly alone more like I am 'hanging'.

    I have one super close friend left here. I worry about burdening her much though, we do meet once every 3 weeks or so. The friend that moved abroad was my culture buddy too. I went to a concert by myself tonight and it's ok. I am going to some experimental theatre next week too by myself. I'd like to have a partner to go with though.

    I also get a bit scared of getting too close to anyone in case they leave or die. I feel fragile inside, like I want to be saved or looked after and that's why I try to not get too close.

    I have a hobby every Monday, people like me there too. And I love the hobby. I go there on Monday and then we go for drinks most times.

    I get this feeling..I don't know if you ever get it? Today the day was beautiful. And I feel I should be happy on such day. The fact that I am not? Makes me feel more sad or angry or guilty. I'd like to overcome that..

    It was sweet of you to comment, thank you, I appreciate it.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
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    Well that's fortunate you have people who could possibly listen and possibly truly empathize.
    I've found those kind of people are really hard to come by where I live regardless of the gender.

    It sounds as if, due to the break up, you lost friends along with your bf?

    I had the same thing happen and literally had no close friends but then the close friends I had really couldn't be bothered empathizing and I did feel like I became more of a hassle rather than a friend.
    As you mention, it is something which we have to overcome as we have no choice.
    We eventually find a way, it's just that during that time of finding a way, it can leave someone rather alone.

    I suppose, I have that fear of getting close to people too because of the same reasons you have, but manly leaving.
    Even though a part of me also wants to be close.
    Some days I reach out, some days I'd just rather keep quiet and keep to myself.

    I understand what you mean about they day.
    When I was really down, I would see an absolutely brilliant day as patronizing to what I feel inside.
    I guess that's why in the past all I could deal with was grey overcast days when I was still rather down, yet seeing a day similar to what I feel inside if it were projected as weather, seemed to keep me more at peace?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
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    It sounds as if, due to the break up, you lost friends along with your bf?
    No..I have 3 best friends here in the UK. One died and the other moved abroad and I have the one left now. Me and the ex had hardly any mutual friends. I just feel very disappointed we broke up again. I really didn't expect it..he was like a good friend too ya know?

    I've found those kind of people are really hard to come by where I live regardless of the gender.
    That's a shame. It is very important to be around other creative and sensitive people if you're like that. I would have lost it if it wasn't for my colleagues and my job.

    I also get a bit scared of getting too close to anyone in case they leave or die.
    I only have this fear since the recent events. Because I am shocked with the losses.

    thank you for your support..

  10. #29
    Platinum Member JonasWaingaro's Avatar
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    Lose is unfortunately one of the side effects of life and living. It's never easy. It's just not controllable unless we become closed off and isolated. That's not a good life, and certainly not you. It's not easy being vulnerable. With all my lose this year I can tell you it's normal to pull back to try and save yourself more lose. It takes time for the shock to fade. Ya know? Being scared is okay. We are all scared. It's the human condition to be scared of lose and change. We just have to transcend ourselves and not let that rule us and our hearts. Not easy at all. As to your friends, they have not left you. They are still here. They are within you and always will be. Your friend that died lives in you. He will always be an extension of your life. He will live through you, and the others he touched in life.

    Beautiful days are a dilemma. I've seen many many glorious days through the haze of sadness. It's okay. Not every beautiful day can be appreciated. Again that's okay. Maybe it gives the awful crappy days when you feel great more meaning - more substance. I dunno. Sometimes the gray days are more lovely. Hope you feel better! ((hugs))

  11. #30
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quirky
    No..I have 3 best friends here in the UK. One died and the other moved abroad and I have the one left now. Me and the ex had hardly any mutual friends. I just feel very disappointed we broke up again. I really didn't expect it..he was like a good friend too ya know?
    I can see how such a break up can hit hard, when that person was always a very important friend.
    I did read about your concern of a friend possibly passing away, although I did not know he did.
    Sorry for your loss.

    That's a shame. It is very important to be around other creative and sensitive people if you're like that. I would have lost it if it wasn't for my colleagues and my job.
    Making friends like that here is pretty hard to find.
    I only know of one acquaintance who does not live very far from me, but due to his very busy lifestyle, gf with a bun in the oven and a four year old child who was become crazy, it's very hard to just hang out anymore.
    So I try my best to find alternative methods of dealing with it, which is via the internet in most cases but even then, it can become flaky due to not being able to actually met up in the same place.

    I only have this fear since the recent events. Because I am shocked with the losses.
    thank you for your support..[/QUOTE]

    Understandable when the situations which happened to you happened so close together.
    It's a lot of emotional baggage to have at one time and it will affect people.

    Hopefully you will come accross new acquaintances which lead to close friends and what you feel now will blow over sooner rather than later.

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