Love Language -'touch' versus 'he just wants my body'?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 4 months now and we are both in our early twenties. We love each other very much but there is something that is confusing the hell out of me...

We recently learned about the '5 love languages' and this has been helping us to put our emotions into words. My primary love languages are definitely quality time and words of affirmation, while his is touch hands-down. He is not an inherently romantic person AT ALL, so there is a bit of a love language gap between us. However I have recently talked with him at length about this and we have agreed that we will work on getting him to understand my love language better so he can reciprocate.

I am not so much a touchy person myself. I definitely have touch as a love language too, but definitely to a lesser degree than he does. Oh I love to cuddle up on him and hug and kiss and rub his chest/ belly/ back and just generally be in direct physical contact with him. I believe proximity is a huge factor in feeling close to someone and showing you love them.

However, he seems to want it to be more...erotic. I am not an erotically-touchy person AT ALL. He knows that I am uncomfortable with such things at this stage in our relationship, but he claims that being able to snuggle naked/ less clothed and being able to touch me is his love language. Though it is not particularly my pleasure, I've let it evolve to the point where I let him fondle me and all. But he still wants to take it further -not sex necessarily, just less clothed and more touch. I've suggested to him that this is his 'sex language' and not his 'love language', but he insists that it is his love language.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm doing him an injustice by refusing to go further to speak to him in his love language. I WANT to show him how much I care for him, but with me putting up this barrier I feel like I can't. Is this REALLY his love language as he insists, or is this just his sex drive talking?

Edit: I know my post kind of makes him sound like a douchebag, but he's really not. He earnestly wants to work out the conflicts we have in our relationship, and he is a very very patient person and rarely brings these things up. He's usually quite content to just accept me as I am, but these talks do occasionally come up.

Your boyfriend "hands down" sounds just like my boyfriend. We don't talk in the words of "Love language" I have never even heard of it. The first thing we ever did together was have sex, we are a high sexually driven couple but I know exactly what your asking for and yes, he tells me the same thing...I asked him to define his idea of being romantic and its by "touch." Im livid with him because it seems like thats all we do is have sex and we just aren't connecting in other ways..I found a text on his phone, and yes I know I should be looking but I found one saying " whenever you have some time, can you call me =-@ ...not sure what the @ sign supose to mean the persons name was not on his phone only her number...

Since Im in the same exact situation. I asked him to come over for dinner tonight and even though hes gonna be right accross the street later on to see his friend...He told me not to be mad at him if he doesn't end up coming by....So I hung up on him and txt him telling him im completley livid with him...He called me a seconde later and I couldn't answer...I just didn't want to...Its like we have been having the same exact talk for the last 6 months...Not to mention, found undies in his room that weren't mine...a empty condom wrapper...and everytime I come over his pillows are on the ground in front of his couch in his room which is what he does when he is having sex or getting head...

Sooooo right there tells me to get out! Not only that but nobody wants me to continue seeing him anymore...Maybe you should do the same...lay low for a little bit, im not saying to break up with him, but definetly try to be less touchy feely, verbally and physically hold yourself back and if you can't, just seem busy...

Well I have no reason to believe he's cheating on me. I'm pretty sure I know him better than that, not to mention the fact that we're practically together every waking moment we're not at school/ at work. To clarify though, we've never had sex. In fact I'm still a virgin. He knows that and tries to be courteous.

Your guy, however, is definitely cheating on you for sure. I would break up with him too if I were you. Hold up that pair of panties and ask him "What the are these?" If my guy ever so much as hints that he's been sleeping around I'll kick him in the balls and leave.

I think you're confusing the issue with all this pseudo-language of "love languages". Can you describe the issue in basic terms? I presume your boyfriend wants to have sex (which is a pretty standard desire for someone in love) and you're not comfortable with that?

Well, no, this is not about sex. He respects that I don't want to have sex yet. This is about how we express our love for each other and what makes us feel loved. It might be helpful to google 'love language', because it's a very insightful concept and very true of everyone.

Layman's terms, he claims he'd feel more loved and feel that he could express his love better if we were both naked and he were able to touch me more. To me, this sounds like he just wants to see me naked and that he wants to push his boundaries as far as he can without having sex.

So is it just his sex drive talking or is this truly an expression of pure love? Because there is a difference.

Here's the part where I think things are being confused. You know that article you read? Part of it doesn't apply to you.

For whatever reason, you have decided that sex is not to be a part of the relationship right now. That's fine. But what that translates to is that you are saying that this particular means of expressing love is not appropriate or necessary at this stage in your relationship. That you would both like to focus on the other areas of expressing love.

If you want to incorporate some touch, you can do what you are doing. Cuddling, kissing, rubbing his tummy, etc. I think it's completely crazy to think that getting naked, rubbing and groping will not lead to sex or make the situation worse (ie: he'll want sex more).

Saying "I don't feel like you love me unless you get naked with me" is the same as saying "I don't feel you love me unless you have sex with me". It's a form of pressure.

Sex is most definitely a form of love language (actually, it's the form I respond the most to as well). That doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the other languages. Just to a lesser degree.

If he is trying to push your boundaries as far as he can with out having sex, he isn't being respectful of your wishes to not have sex.

He should accept that you are not comfortable with the level of erotic touching he wishes to engage in, I know he is telling you that you leave him feeling unloved enough by not letting him touch you but can you see that you have just as much right to feel loved and respected?

Weather it is his sex drive or 'an expression of pure love' you guys should be able to find a compromise where he respects your boundaries.

To be honest I think it's a combination of both sex drive and love. I don't think they are that easily separated, especially for blokes.

See, that's all what I assumed too. He just thinks he knows everything about relationships and how love works. Thanks for reaffirming my thoughts, guys. I was beginning to think that I might just be dead-wrong and that I was just being too up-tight. I realize that I have tighter boundaries than most, but I was afraid that I might be seriously denying him something he needs.

Guess I just need to sit him down and convince him that this desire has more to do with his sex drive than he would like to believe. That it's just not something I'm into yet.

Heh, actually I kind of wish you guys had told me I was being too uptight, so I would have an excuse to force myself not to be so apprehensive about things like that.