Jump to content

He suddenly stopped answering my texts or calls.. I'm confused?


Ms.Lady

Recommended Posts

For about 2 months I was talking to this guy who approached me at a park and we really hit it off well. He was the first guy who I actually took a liking to in a long time.He was so handsome and charming, and even though we didn't talk very long, I really felt like we were so compatible for one another. We never really made things official and we went on a total of 3 dates and the rest were just phone calls and getting to know each other. Things seemed fine, he always seemed genuinely interested in talking with me and getting to know me. He never seemed bored or not into me, when I called he always answered and he always took the time to call me daily to see how I'm doing.When we went out on dates, he never bailed out and we always seemed to have a good time together.

 

For about a week now he's gone M.I.A and I just don't know what to think of it.I tried calling and texting but I've got nothing from him. He's even deactivated his facebook account and I can't help but feel he's lost interest and he's started avoiding me. I don't know what happened but I really hate this feeling of uncertainty and now I'm left with questions. I'm actually hurt because I took a liking to this guy a lot in such a short period of time. I really thought things were going to progress further with us. I feel majorly lost and confused about this whole thing. I feel like I have to move on but I don't because it's rare that I ever find a guy I click with. I don't know what I should do? Should I just move on?

Link to comment

It's the old "fade." It sucks, but some guys just disappear instead of telling you they don't want to see you. Maybe he'd been dating someone else, and it got serious. Maybe he's married or already had a girlfriend, and he got caught, or is afraid to get caught, or decided to back off from cheating. Maybe he's crazy and had a psychotic break. Maybe he doesn't like you. You'll never know, it doesn't matter anyway, and you shouldn't sweat it. It's rude and disrespectful, and you don't need or want a guy like that. I know how you feel. I used to go crazy trying to INSIST a man face me and tell me he didn't want to see me, for whatever reason. It never works. All that happens is you drive yourself nuts and make yourself look like a freak. Drop it while you don't have much invested.

If it turns out he's got some legitmate reason, he'll get back in touch, but don't expect it. I'm so much better now that I've learned to shrug these things off and move on. Don't get hung up on a jerk, you may miss out on a good one. Chin up!

Link to comment

I think that wildchild hit the nail on the head. I think that he is either married or has reunited with a former girlfriend. Whatever it is, he does not want you to find him. Do you know for sure where he lives? Works? If he does not want you to find him, why would you want to find him?

Link to comment
Is it possible he's married? Reason being, is deactivating his FB and completely disappearing all at the same time.

 

I don't know he said he was single but then again anyone can lie. He did mention to me that he had a 3 year old daughter who I've never seen before and he claimed that he and his baby's mother are not together... So I don't know... I hate when guys fade out like this.. It literally drives me crazy!

 

[quote name=Janeiac

]It's the old "fade." It sucks, but some guys just disappear instead of telling you they don't want to see you. Maybe he'd been dating someone else, and it got serious. Maybe he's married or already had a girlfriend, and he got caught, or is afraid to get caught, or decided to back off from cheating. Maybe he's crazy and had a psychotic break. Maybe he doesn't like you. You'll never know, it doesn't matter anyway, and you shouldn't sweat it. It's rude and disrespectful, and you don't need or want a guy like that. I know how you feel. I used to go crazy trying to INSIST a man face me and tell me he didn't want to see me, for whatever reason. It never works. All that happens is you drive yourself nuts and make yourself look like a freak. Drop it while you don't have much invested.

If it turns out he's got some legitmate reason, he'll get back in touch, but don't expect it. I'm so much better now that I've learned to shrug these things off and move on. Don't get hung up on a jerk, you may miss out on a good one. Chin up!

 

I'm really trying not to worry about it but I feel some sort of way about this. I really enjoyed his company and I haven't really clicked with anyone like him in a long time. Now it's back to these lonely feelings and I hate the feeling of being rejected and kicked to the curb. I know I probably need to move on but I feel like I at least deserve an answer about what happened because it's literally got me confused and wondering what's going on in his end or mind for that matter.

Link to comment

I'm leaning that something is going on behind the scenes, something he kept from you. I think if you start looking back, and piecing things together from the time you met until now, you're going to probably see some things that are missing from the puzzle, or may now seem 'strange' whereas at the time you didn't realize it because you were caught up in meeting him and the excitement of it all.

Link to comment

You definitely deserve an answer. That doesn't mean you'll get one. It's fine and dandy you clicked with him. That doesn't mean he felt the same. Sometimes people don't get what they deserve, and bad things happen. Please, for your own sake, protect yourself and your dignity and do your best to drop it. You'll never learn what's going on in his mind, but you may destroy your own peace of mind. Don't!

Link to comment
You definitely deserve an answer. That doesn't mean you'll get one. It's fine and dandy you clicked with him. That doesn't mean he felt the same. Sometimes people don't get what they deserve, and bad things happen. Please, for your own sake, protect yourself and your dignity and do your best to drop it. You'll never learn what's going on in his mind, but you may destroy your own peace of mind. Don't!

 

You're right I'm moving on. I was sad at first but now thinking about it, it just makes me angry. I'm so tired of men always playing these type of games with me. I think after this, I'm going to focus on being single for a long time and even if a guy is interested, he's really going to have to show himself to me. I'm honestly beginning to distrust men because every guy I've met was a loser, even my father. I just find it hard to believe there's decent men out there.

Link to comment

One of the first things to find out about a man you want to date is how long he's been single. If he's separated or mid-divorce or fresh out of a breakup or 'over' someone who he keeps going back to, then he's not dating material--and his chances of flaking like this are wAy high.

 

Chin upward, this is likely less about you than you think. Screen carefully.

Link to comment

Three dates isn't much... it either means he's decided he doesn't want to take it further (and is too cowardly to tell you that so just disappears), or he wasn't really single and hence looking for a short fling before you got serious or you found out that he wasn't single, and just disappears when he thinks it might get dicey and you or his partner find out about each other.

 

In future, i'd insist on more than 3 dates in 2 months... that will weed out a lot of 'taken' guys misrepresenting themselves as single or guys who are players and juggling multiple women at once.

 

Anyone, even a married guy, can find time for three times to sneak out with you in 2 months, but more than that might tip off his wife/GF. If he's truly available, he's see you at least once a week on a weekend night or for most of the day/night on the weekend, and probably more than that if he is actively interested and available for dating.

 

Taken guys will try to schedule hookups during the week when they tell their wives/GFs they are working late, or wait for various times when their partner is busy doing something else and won't be suspicious if they are gone for a while (i.e., choose a day their wife goes to see her parents, or to the spa with her GFs etc.).

 

So raise the bar and expect more from the guy than phone calls and 3 dates in 2 months. He should actively try to date you every single week, and see you more than this guy did.

Link to comment

Three dates in two months? But plenty of phone calls/texts? And I assume you never went to his place?

 

I agree with the others. He has someone else, always has, and wants to move on with that relationship.

 

Let it go. But, learn from this. Dating someone means actually DATING. Not talking on the phone and texting.

Link to comment

I don't think he's playing games -after three dates he might have figured it was more reasonable to just not ask you out for a fourth date - had you seen each other every week for two months I would have had a different opinion. Yes it would have been more courteous to call you but I'm not sure he was obligated and I think your expectations about this relationship, this early on, were a bit unrealistic.

Link to comment
Batya33 I respectfully disagree. I think he should have called her and let her know that he is no longer interested. The OP deserves a closure instead of just having to wonder.

 

To me closure after three dates is not getting a call for a fourth date -with rare exception. When I was asked out for a third or fourth date and wasn't interested sometimes I called and sometimes I didn't -certainly after only three dates over a 2 month span I would assume it was very casual on his part (and wouldn't have gotten my hopes up as the OP did -even if I had that would be my "problem" not his)

Link to comment
I don't think he's playing games -after three dates he might have figured it was more reasonable to just not ask you out for a fourth date - had you seen each other every week for two months I would have had a different opinion. Yes it would have been more courteous to call you but I'm not sure he was obligated and I think your expectations about this relationship, this early on, were a bit unrealistic.

 

My thing is if he realized that if this was not going to work after the 3rd date, I really wish he would not have led me on. We talked about going on more dates after the third one, but he always made excuses about being tied up with work. Funny enough, he always proceeded to call me and text me everyday after this... He made it seem like things were working out. He was always telling me that he was really feeling me and that he enjoys my company so much. We even talked about relationships and that when the time was right, we could get something working but he said that he wanted to get to know me more because 2 months was too soon which I agreed with. Oddly enough before he vanished, 2 days prior to his disappearance, he asked me if I wanted to go to a baseball game and we were supposed to go out last week but like I said he disappeared so I don't know what to think of this situation.. I hope he's alright..

Link to comment

Yes like I said he could have called but in my experience three dates - if he didn't make a specific time/place plan for a fourth date that was your closure - if he wanted to see you he would have made the time and his nice words which he probably meant at the time are inconsistent with his actions (failing to schedule a fourth date). He was honest with you that he wasn't ready to be serious with you and that was consistent with his actions in only making time to see you three times in two months. Texting doesn't require him to set aside time for you -he can do that while out with friends, folding laundry, etc.

"working out" to me means that you are exclusive ,dating for a number of months (regularly, at least once a week if possible and with a major effort to make that happen, emergencies aside) and having specific conversations about future plans. Three dates in two months is getting to know someone casually and for whatever reason he enjoyed being your chat buddy on phone/text - I think you mistook that for serious romantic interest. In my experience a person with serious romantic interest wants to see you on a regular basis in person (putting aside long distance relationships where the reality might be three times in two months).

Link to comment

Quite honestly, and I'm placing money on the table right now, that unless he works for the CIA, the FBI, is an informant for the government, or is lying in a hosptial bed in a coma, the man has another life that includes someone else and it isn't Obama.

Link to comment

A person who goes missing all of sudden is probably with someone else already or they need a break from you, meaning he doesn't want to take it any further. Just respect his wishes and move on, don't sit around dwelling on him. Hes too much of an coward to tell you, so instead he has to disappear from you. This is how you weed out guys who are not capable of having a relationship with you. I'm always thankful that it doesn't get any further with guys like these and again this goes both ways, not only woman but men go through this too I'm sure.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...