Does She Have a Crush on Him?

Essentially My fiance had a ONS with some guy she met at a club about 4 months before we met, she saw him twice, he moved, they kept in contact, he invited her to come visit she declined. Nothing came of it. They cut contact, and they have never spoke or chatted at least since we've been together (1 year).

She was friends with him on Facebook, I noticed she would check his facebook updates quite often (ie. posted pictures, new female friends, wall postings, etc..) At one point she checked 4 times in 1.5 weeks. She told me its just facebook it means nothing and sometimes girls compare themselves to other girls. My jealousy and insecurity got the better of me and I asked her to delete him and she did (to make me feel better). She also had his friend on facebook, which she kept as a FB friend, but I noticed after she deleted the ONS guy, she was checking his friends facebook updates a bit. I eventually told her that it bothered me that he was there and she also deleted him. (I know that it was extremely understanding of her to do this and im am being insecure)

Now, besides the fact that I feel insecure aout this, and that issue definitely lies with me. My question is, does she have a crush on this guy and is she still attracted to him? And could that explain what she's doing on FB. And could that be triggering this insecurity in me.

Ive heard that sometimes people have "what if's" with people theyve encountered, but honestly I would find this very weird if she's still having what if's with a guy she had a ONS with 1.5 years ago (and only saw 1 more time after)

Ive asked her before and she's told me, that she never had feelings for him, that it was convenient for her that he lived far away, and he would never have been her boyfriend, and tehy dont share the same interests, and he lives far away. Although she did tell me he was attractive and he was the most interesting guy she dated/hooked up with when she was single.

So do you guys think she has a crush on him or am I looking too much into this?

I know that I am unsecure about this (please try not to bash me too much)

I just wouldnt find it fair if she still wondering what couldve been with some guy, while she's with me. I dont want to be the second choice, because he moved away and she regretted not following through with something with him.

Please give me yoru honest thoughts. Thanks

Im desperately trying to resolve this asap and the truth wont hurt, so if you think its me please tell me, if you think that maybe this insecurity is stemming from the fact that she may have a crush on this guy then please tell me that also.

this is kinda hard so maybe we better define what crush means to us?

i have an ex who is super sexy and handsome. i am COMPLETELY over him and have no interest in being with him anymore. but i still find him hot and interesting and i often check his fb status, what girls are saying to him etc. is that a crush? i don't feel that i do have a crush on him, but maybe to some that is a crush?

if you think so, then yeah maybe your gf has a crush on the guy but not in a way that she would ever again 'go there' you know?

Don't worry about. She had ons with him but picked you as bf..

Does she have you as bf on facebook?

this is kinda hard so maybe we better define what crush means to us?

 

i have an ex who is super sexy and handsome. i am COMPLETELY over him and have no interest in being with him anymore. but i still find him hot and interesting and i often check his fb status, what girls are saying to him etc. is that a crush? i don't feel that i do have a crush on him, but maybe to some that is a crush?

 

if you think so, then yeah maybe your gf has a crush on the guy but not in a way that she would ever again 'go there' you know?

See I could understand an EX, but this is a ONS, she's seen him twice, im more concerned if she has feelings or not. I guess maybe im paranoid or insecure about it.

But I do understand your point here.

Don't worry about. She had ons with him but picked you as bf..

 

Does she have you as bf on facebook?

Well im not on facebook, but she does have engaged as her status

is she having sex with you?

is she having sex with you?

yes, why is that relevant?

How many times are you going to post the same thread asking the same questions before you realize you either need to leave her And work on yourself or you stay with her and work on yourself? Either way, you neednto work on yourself.

How many times are you going to post the same thread asking the same questions before you realize you either need to leave her And work on yourself or you stay with her and work on yourself? Either way, you neednto work on yourself.

What im doing now is working on myself

Well im not on facebook, but she does have engaged as her status

That's great.. Just keep doing what's your doing minus being insecure. It's a major turn off to women. If she doesn't want to be with you. She will tell you..

What im doing now is working on myself

Obsessing about it is not working on yourself. I promise.

How many times are you going to post the same thread asking the same questions before you realize you either need to leave her And work on yourself or you stay with her and work on yourself? Either way, you neednto work on yourself.

OMG - Thank you!

Creating new threads with different titles but the same content within will not change how people reply to your ongoing question.

Im not sure why you are asking others to assess if your GF has a crush on him? Only she knows this?

And yes, Its possible to have feelings for someone after a ONS if they knew the person before the ONS or after.......

I don't know. I don't understand why she would be checking him out so often unless she's interested in him. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd find someone who is more into their relationship and doesn't feel compelled to stalk former ONS on facebook. I think if she really, really dug into the root cause of why she's so interested in checking him out so often it would expose some problems in your relationship - but she's probably not even thinking that deeply, she's just doing what she wants to.

I would look at other guys too if my fiance were constantly checking up on me and asking me all sorts of questions about my past.

So what do you guys suggest I do from here? There's people saying its possible she has feelings, others that its in my head, another who say's there's problems in our relationship and she does have interest in him.

Ive spoken to her about it, ive asked her to delete him and she has, whats next?

I would look at other guys too if my fiance were constantly checking up on me and asking me all sorts of questions about my past.

Thats unfair, because the checking of other guys happened before I checked up on her and asked her questions on her past.

What's next is you work on yourself and GET OVER IT.

Thats unfair, because the checking of other guys happened before I checked up on her and asked her questions on her past.

Know what I do when my husband acts insecure and jealous of other guys? I continue being me and doing what I do bc that's his problem, not mine.

So what do you guys suggest I do from here? There's people saying its possible she has feelings, others that its in my head, another who say's there's problems in our relationship and she does have interest in him.

 

Ive spoken to her about it, ive asked her to delete him and she has, whats next?

DROP IT!

You have said all you can say. You have done all you can do. Maybe try to enjoy the relationship rather than sabotage it by snooping.

They say you get what you put out in the universe. With this "Shes cheating" or "She likes this guy, I know it" mentality, you are putting it out there. Keep up with this behavior and I gaurantee you will push her into someone elses arms. If not his.

Know what I do when my husband acts insecure and jealous of other guys? I continue being me and doing what I do bc that's his problem, not mine.

without telling me to get over it and that im being insecure, do you think what she's doing is normal or is it a cause for concern?

DROP IT!

 

You have said all you can say. You have done all you can do. Maybe try to enjoy the relationship rather than sabotage it by snooping.

 

They say you get what you put out in the universe. With this "Shes cheating" or "She likes this guy, I know it" mentality, you are putting it out there. Keep up with this behavior and I gaurantee you will push her into someone elses arms. If not his.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer me.

So I should drop it, although you yourself said she may have feelings for him, how is that right?

Because I was simply speculating. No one knows if she does.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but EVERYONE has a crush on someone at some point in their lives. Including while being in a LTR. What separates us is those who act upon it, and those who realize its a silly crush.

Ive had a crush on someone for years. We were friends, we had a ONS and then she left. I crushed on her while I was in another relationship, I crushed on her when I was single. I still have a soft spot for her now.

And shes not the only one. I know others who have had crushes on someone else as well while in a relationship. But just cause you have a crush, it doesnt mean you love your partner less or will cheat.

You don't pay attention to anything except the things that look like they're validating your concerns.

Its normal bc I do it, my friends do it, my mom does it. We all look at people from our past bc that's facebook. It doesn't mean anything at all.

i think that she can do what she's doing and STILL be totally in love with you and committed to the relationship. so in that case i would say it is no cause for concern. if you are snooping then you are gonna find things that would make anybody insecure. are you snooping? if so its time to make a decision.

decision 1. stop snooping, do major work on your insecurities, give all to your relationship and accept what will be will be.

decision 2. leave this relationship, do major work on your insecurities and find someone who has more similarities with you,

coming from a person who was in a very insecure relationship(me) and snooped and was jealous all the way through it. one day you will wake up and realize how damaging all that is. even if the person behaves in inappropriate ways, there is still no excuse for sabotaging a relationship with questioning and spying.

You've already talked to her about it. She's not going to do anything differently and her stalking this dude doesn't sit well with you. It wouldn't with me either. I'd tell her you're done, let her go have her thing.