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Thread: Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex! (add your own)

  1. #31
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    Hey a nice bottle of wine is not bad,just dont add scotch or anything else with it. It will get better!

    lol thanks viva

  2. #32

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    Originally Posted by Dryyoureyes
    -staying friends might justify unfair behaviour like cheating for an ex! Itīs pretty much an egopush for them and a relief of their guilty conscience. It also makes you look weak because you are cool with such behaviour. If you still want to be friends....now the ex knows by the latest that he/she can do anything with you.

    d amn straight. Thus why I've done 5 months of NC =) yay.

  3. #33

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    I can't be friends with sb I don't trust or respect.

  4. #34
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    So basically "if" she calls tell her that this isn't working for me anymore and I need not to hear from her anymore. If she doesn't call it's a moot point anyway.

    She called last Thursday to check on me (storms), spoke with her then she sent a text on Saturday night but I didn't respond. I tried to call her twice on Sunday but only got voice mail. I sent her a text on Monday asking if she was alright and she responded she was and I responded glad to hear that and since then NC from either of us.

    I feel so much better as I see I was settling for "bread crumbs" from her. Guess just having two intense years together and constant contact was harder to break than I originally thought. Also someone mentioned how the dumper had already moved on and how the dumpee was kinda left wondering what the hell had just happened and that kept them wanting any kind of contact from the dumper. Now I see the light much more clearly.

    Thanks again!

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  6. #35
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    Just what I needed to read today Drama! Thanks Again.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    Some more...

    - if your ex is already in a relationship/dating and you keep in touch with them it will give them an ego boost and it will make their new relationship MORE successful than if you weren't around. Why? Because you are a good distraction for what might be going wrong in their new relationship. If their new relationship is only half as fulfilling, they will go to YOU to fill in the gaps, then when they cuddle up to their new partner at night, the ex is fulfilled. But if you go away and make yourself scarce, then your ex must make a choice as to whether his new relationship is fulfilling in all the ways as they would like.

    - it won't give your ex a chance to miss you if you stay in contact, any contact. People only appreciate something when it's gone or when they don't have access to it. Think about someone or something that is in your face everyday - a friend/acquaintance who contacts you a bit TOO much, your favourite food that is always in the fridge, a shirt that you like to wear that is hanging in your wardrobe. You take for granted something when it is available.

    But when you can't have it, you want it MORE. You feel a bit more lonely now that your friend that hasn't been contacting you at all and you realise just how fun they were to have around. Your favourite food has gone out of production and so you start craving some to eat because it's not available to buy anymore. Your favourite shirt has gone missing so you turn the house upside down looking for it because you realise just how great it looks on you.

    I'm not necessarily saying that it will make your ex come back, but it IS basic psychology to appreciate something that is not available anymore, and that goes for your dumper ex appreciating the great things about you. It also lets the negative reasons why they broke up with you to fade away, and for the good feelings to return. Even if your ex is begging you to stay friends, this point STILL applies!

    - They can't miss you if you are hanging around like a bad smell. If you take them at their word and leave and disappear into the fog, it WILL make your ex re-think their decision and whether it was the right choice to leave you, even if they only end up considering it for a split second. Doesn't mean that the decision will be reversed in your favour, but they will ask themselves, "did I do the right thing?"

  8. #37
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    I've remained friends w/nearly all my exs. It helped me get through it, there was never sex involved and it turns out 1 instance I went 800 miles to help an ex after 7 yrs. she found out her bf was cheating. No sex, and from 11 yrs. ago my gf is working as a caregiver for my Mom and Dad who are disabled and they love her, I do too just as a great person. BUT YES SOME SERIOUS TIME LIKE A COUPLE YRS. HAS TO GO BY FIRST IF YOUR THE 1 DUMPED AND YOU ARE BROKEN HEARTED, WHICH I WAS OVER THE NOW CARE GIVER GIRL.

  9. #38
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    This is a really great thread.

    I want nothing more than to go with complete NC right now. I'm on day one post-breakup. It was tough for most of the day, but ENA has helped snap me back to reality. NC today for sure, and I have most things boxed away, messages and contact info deleted from my phone etc. As I come accross anything I've missed (which I'm sure I will), that will be thrown out or boxed right away too. Eventually I'll remove the box from my life too.

    I have a dilemma/problem that I'm hoping you good folk can help me out with. My ex and I work together, same team (and a team of only 3), and we share a cube wall. I didn't go to work today, but I'll be going in tomorrow. Earlier I felt weak for staying away from the office today, but to be honest I think it was needed.

    I really have no idea how to handle work and contact there. I know I need to keep things strictly work related, and have no other communication outside of that. But still, how should I act/react should she attempt communication unrelated to work? What about bumping into her in hallways, exiting/entering our respective cubes etc.?

    I feel like I should have a plan, at least something for starters, and I hope you can help with suggestions. Otherwise I'll do or say (or ignore!) something stupid that is a detriment to my healing, our professional work relationship, or even come off in a way that's detrimental to my character (mean or hurtful). I want to heal, and I want to do it with my head held high. Thanks.

    Edit: Also we have some things of each others that we need to exchange, and I know she won't bring this up. How should I go about that? I'm not sure I'm ready to do that tomorrow, but I guess the sooner the better.

  10. #39
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    - they just want the idea of you being with them and not urging that they want to be with you. they just want you to fill their needs without even reciprocating them.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    TOG - treat her like a stranger - polite but distant. If she tries to find out what's going on with you, just say that you think it's best if you two didn't talk about anything personal. It's about putting up boundaries. Doesn't mean that you can't say hello and "how's the weather?" but anything beyond that she shouldn't know about. It's always a risk when you work with someone to get into a relationship with them. Because if you break up you have to see them. I would look into transferring.

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