Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 14 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 134

Thread: Reasons why you shouldn't be friends/in contact with your ex! (add your own)

  1. #21
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    916
    Gender
    Female
    -They're an 'ex' for a reason

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    31
    Gender
    Female
    - Because they will USE you, and they won't even be aware of doing it.

    -Because they will lie to you and tell you what you want to hear when it's convenient and then tell you the truth later. Or they will say they "were confused and didn't mean what I said."

    -Because it hurts more to get dumped AGAIN and you will get your hopes up.

    -Because they aren't worth it.

  3. #23
    Member ladyninja30's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    411
    Thanks for posting this. My thoughts are though that even if someone doesn't see a future with you, that doesn't mean you didn't see one with them. I still hate seeing my ex with her. He recently brought her to a party where everyone knew him and I as a couple and even more so everyone there knew me and know the story of how he wronged me. I admit that I loved hearing from a bunch of the people I work with come back and tell me she's hideous but allI in all I refused to go to that party because I didn't wanna be around them. I guess I'm not one who is going to face this situation with dignity.

    - it lets your ex use YOU as their emotional tampon (where you have to soak up all of their problems)
    this is hilarious, remind me not to read your posts when I'm eating LOL

  4. #24
    Silver Member vivia12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Land of plenty Aloha's
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female
    Exactly,Drama. Its as if every time I interact I have to walk on eggshells not to reveal to much or want to much. Sure we flirt a bit but I know its not really want to go further. When it does,it will be a long while. Still there is this thing you said about being in Limbo,which is soo true. Its a place I dont want to continue to stay in. Unless I can be friends and not expect much,still difficult. Rock and a Hard place.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    465
    • If there's a true basis for friendship, it will still be there in six months, a year, or however long you need to heal and move on. There's no rush.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    211
    Great thread and for me a much needed one. Amazing how many of the "points" on here are sooooo correct and how I have felt after speaking with the ex. The being "cool" with it parts are exactly what my dumb butt has being doing and telling myself how "cool" I am while actually I was only helping her ego and helping her when she was lonely. And with her, I damn sure know when she does find someone else (and she will if she hasn't already) I will fall completely fall off her radar. Time to regain some self respect and not call her or contact her in anyway and move on with my life.

    Quick question? Does it make any difference if you tell them this and announce NC to them or just go cold turkey without saying a word to them? Reason I ask is I don't hate her and wish her well (I guess) with her life. I just need to move on and she has already moved on with hers. Truth be told she probably doesn't give a damn either way.

    Thanks for this thread once again!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Age
    58
    Posts
    3,241
    Gender
    Male
    Here is a list I put together on a post I made awhile back.

    You make it easier on them to move on
    You live in pain while they transition to the new relationship
    You relieve there guilt
    You become the perfect back up plan in case they get lonely
    You suffer daily
    You hold onto hope that they may want you back
    You lose sleep
    You get to hear about who they are dating and fk n
    You can't heal and move on
    You constantly read into everything they text or say
    You obsess
    You lose your self respect
    They lose respect for you
    You always end up saying something you regret
    You get friendzoned and have no chance to get them back
    You live on breadcrumbs
    You give them all the power even though you think you have it

    Sounds like a great offer!

  9. #28
    Silver Member vivia12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Land of plenty Aloha's
    Posts
    380
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by badhabits
    So you don't have a meltdown when you find out they have a girlfriend over facebook, drink a bottle of wine and have a smoking relapse, leaving you incapable of going to work the next day (this just happened to me).

    At least I have a sense of humour about it.

    I think I found mine on FB but i knew he already had someone,he didnt bother telling me he had FB till now-didnt friend me or anything. Hey a nice bottle of wine is not bad,just dont add scotch or anything else with it. It will get better!

  10. #29
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    465
    Yeah, I tried being "cool" for a few weeks after the breakup. I wanted to prove something to myself, and to not let him know how much I was hurting, and to hang on to the illusion. Saw the writing on the wall, though, and eventually bounced from the sitch.

    Re: announcing or not: there are arguments for each approach.

    Like you, I didn't hate my ex. There was no abuse or infidelity -- just rejection. I went NC without announcing, but with the idea that if the ex asked what was up with the silence, I'd probably explain, and return to NC. He didn't ask, so it was a moot point.

    Some people like to clearly articulate that they are open to being contacted IF and only if the ex wants to reconcile. That can be a form of closure. I didn't feel right in my case, since I saw NO hope of him wanting me back. Nor did I feel the need to ask permission to go quiet for a while, with the option to contact him later to resume the friendship. I felt like that would just put me in another weird limbo state.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,183
    Gender
    Female
    I like the compromise that twitchyfingers suggested that IF your dumper ex contacts you, THEN you can ask them to respect your need for space UNLESS they want to clearly reconcile. That way you aren't assuming that your ex would have even wanted to contact you anyway. It doesn't mean that they will respect your need for space though, because a lot of the time the opposite happens.

Page 3 of 14 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •