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Thread: "I'm going to move on, and so should you." Sound familiar to anyone?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member staying strong's Avatar
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    "I'm going to move on, and so should you." Sound familiar to anyone?

    Some of you have read my story:

    So this past Monday, I was supposed to meet her, but she sent me an email instead saying that she is going to move on and I should too. I have been on strict NC since then and no attempts on either end to contact.

    My question to everyone (mostly to the dumpers) is: Have you said that to your dumpee(s) but actually kept in LC or even reconciled after a period of time after NC?

    Everyone I have spoken to has said that she will contact you eventually because once she is over her anger, she will realize what she has lost/going to lose.

    I'm not expecting her contact me. I know I need to concentrate on myself for right now. I'm almost at the end of the grieving stage of this, but i did have a breakdown yesterday. This is the most painful BU i have every experienced.

    Please share your insights/stories on this topic.

  2. #2
    LovedHim321's Avatar
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    I am the dumper. I feel your pain, but there's a reason that preempted the breakup and the no contact. It's that reason, that I tell myself over and over again, that I keep NC. It doesn't stop me from thinking of him, crying, wondering, and wanting to be a fly on the wall and see what he's doing, know what he's thinking, how he's coping. I haven't seen or heard from him since the break up 2 weeks ago, and that was my choice, and probably he's rejoicing. Who knows or cares. But anyways my point to you is I guess if you can do what you can do to remember why you broke up and concentrate on what road you're on in life, and how to stay on it, that will help. I use my free time to give blood, volunteer, and chose a career as a caregiver and medical assistant to help others. Helping other people do things on the weekends like mowing lawns or helping them move places helps too. Helping people takes your mind of your former girlfriend and yourself and puts it on people who need you in a different way. I don't know about you, but it really helps me a lot to do things for others like that.
    I wish you the best every day. Take it minute by minute and enjoy things that you can

  3. #3
    Bronze Member staying strong's Avatar
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    I've come to a point where I'm starting to let her go, even though some days are extremely hard. I have been keeping super busy and actually going out tomorrow night with some buddies and having a good time. I'll be honest with everyone, sometimes i drive myself crazy thinking that she is already in the arms of another man. I know that it's not healthy, but it does creep in my mind from time to time.

    I've already taken every last knick knack that she has left (hairbrush, hair ties, pics) and placed those items along with our engagement album and pics in a bag and put it in my storage. I just got done rearranging my room so it's a new look. Keeping it the same would just remind me of her getting in bed with me. It feels like a new room now. I was tempted to throw away the bag with her things, but my therapist suggested that to leave them in storage until i'm ready to let them go. She said if i did throw things away, i could regret it later on, so it will sit there and i'm sure with time, i will forget that it's even there.

    I do miss her, but i have more awareness of everything now and i know that it's probably for the best. Even though she didn't admit it, she has major issues of her own to deal with right now. As for me, I will continue to learn from my past mistakes, go to therapy, read, and just be me for awhile. Like they say, 'everything happens for a reason' and i'm a firm believer in that. I'm leaving everything in God's hands now, and He knows best.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member staying strong's Avatar
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    there has to be some stories out there!

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  6. #5
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    hello staying strong. i say, NC for now. at least in the next two weeks if you can. i can see the love between the two of you, but perhaps she just needs some space for now and who knows, the space might help you more than you ever know. i.e. long term plans, being strong for each other, holding on.

    i am the dumper and ever since the BU, NC strictly. no looking at facebook, no writing emails, no asking common friends how he is doing. NOTHING. it is heartbreaking. at times i would cry all morning and wonder if i can ever get through the day. although the nature of our break up is totally different from yours, if one of you even thinks about ending things, it hurts regardless of the reasons. (note - i was "compelled" to dump because he was giving me the silent treatment for the longest time and for his refusal to even talk and work things out).

    you do not have to decide what to do in your life or this girl right now. allow yourself time to get your act together and no matter how long it takes, if you guys are meant to be, it will happen. do not answer her calls for now, or make it clear that you need time for yourself, if she seeks out reasons for your NC. once you are ready, and believe me, there will come a time that you will be, then initiate the conversation and go from there. i agree there are people worth fighting for, and fighting for her means clearing your head for now. you did the right thing putting things away for now, but don't throw them or even return them yet.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member staying strong's Avatar
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    Hey Shelly,

    Thank you for posting! Even though she left me, i did all of the classic dumpee things (begging, pleading, etc) for awhile. The only thing is she is always up and down and my emotions were totally shot. When i got my closure from her, i felt relieved. I am definitely going strict NC for right now, for healing, not because i want to punish her. She is the one who said to move on, so I am. I definitely will not be throwing away our memories quite yet. I'm just moving on day by day.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I've been the dumper in all of my past relationships. It was never "out of the blue", I had been unhappy for a while and had tried to work on the relationship but it didn't work.

    I told all my exes that it was for the better, that I was hurting but was going to move on and they should too. Then I went NC for BOTH our sakes. It's CRUEL to give them false hope that I would come back. When I made it clear that I was going to move on, that should have been the final nail in the coffin for them in terms of wishing for "us" again. I wanted to move on and I wanted them to do so too.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    I think if the dumper themselves tell you to move on, it is most definitely over by then, if it wasn't before.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member staying strong's Avatar
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    i guess it depends on the person. I'm just wondering if there is any successful reconciliation stories from situations like this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    I know that it's easier to think that you are the exception, staying strong, than to face the truth. But your ex has told you yourself to move on. I don't really know, personally, how a reconciliation could come from someone telling the other person to "move on". I think you should save yourself time and heartache and stop delaying the inevitable and accept that it's over.

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