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Thread: how do you say goodbye to an ex, when you still love them?advice?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010

    how do you say goodbye to an ex, when you still love them?advice?

    ill try to make this short. my ex and i dated for about a year and a half. he broke up with me at the beginning of his senior year in college, not because he lost feelings but because he didnt know where he was going with life after college-pretty normal and he didt want to lead me on all year. he was very honest, he just cant settle into a commitment right now, which i understand. i didnt want the breakup, and ive been trying really hard all year to heal, and he has too. right now were "best friends", but bottom line it still hurts me. im separated myself at times to go on with life, which i have, but feelings still remain. im pretty sure he still has feelings, and is not shuting the door to possibilities, if the time is right. but im not depending on that. ive met other guys, no interest in them. im still open-minded to meeting new people, but its just a negatory right now, which im fine with being single.

    im doing the best to move forward and taking care of myself, and i honestly do just want to be there for him, and so does he. my lfe is pretty much great, but my feelings havent changed...basically, i could handle him moving on, but ill be honest, yeah id be jealous if he dated someone soonish.

    i dont really care for the "dont ever talk to him again" attitude and hate...i dont want that. bottom line, whether were together or not we still wish the best for one another.

    has anyone gone through a similar confusing situation?

    hes graduating and moving home in a month, i dont know how to handle the do it? not do it? any suggestions? i dont want to be dramatic about it. to sum up, im bummed and dont know how to do the "goodbye for now" .

    would it be out of line to ask him if he just loves me as a friend? not as a lover anymore?


    if its meant to be, itll be.....anyone had success on getting someone back eventually without being controlling?
    Last edited by lor90236; 04-14-2011 at 11:41 AM.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    I think the reason you arent getting many responses is that you are both so young...many of us "older folks" remember these types of things...and how they worked out well, either with getting back together, or growing into something better. I have just lost a age 49...and I would simply say to authentic...say what you feel and then let everything sort itself out from there...dont left anything unsaid. I think thats counter to a lot of advive on here

  3. #3
    Member garretp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Ok, well I just had to do the same thing with my ex. Except it was because she broke up with me and started dating someone else a week later.

    So I asked if I could she her one last time to say goodbye and I had something I wanted to give her (I didnt tell her what, and I think she still thinks I meant all the stuff I gave back to her, But it was just a hug, just wanted to give her one last hug).

    So I got there I looked at her and cried for a little bit, I stopped and was very calm after that (I think she was a little surprised how well I was taking it....I wasn't I was just making it look like it). So we talked for awhile, and I said goodbye and hugged her (she wouldn't let go) and I turn to leave and she stopped me saying she didn't want me to go. But I simply said with a smile "I have to, you love someone else" I again said goodbye and she hugged me this time (again very long). At this point shes crying and I feel REALLY bad.

    So I left with a smile on my face, and that's what I hope she remembers, my smile and all the good times.

    So to you I have to say try and say goodbye with a smile (It is not easy, especially when you love them so much). It'll help you feel like you did something good, and I was proud of myself for being able to leave there like that.

    Your right if its meant to be it will be. Just keep on going, you never know what life will bring. Im sorry about what happened. I know how it feels. Be strong and speak to him from the heart and say what you need to say.

    And about your question "would it be out of line to ask him if he just loves me as a friend? not as a lover anymore?" I would just say what you feel, you love him, so If I were you I would say it no matter what he feels I would say "I love you" because you do, and if he says it back then he says it back, if not then at least you were able to say it before it was to late. right? That's what I did, and she ended up saying it back.

    good luck. and if you want you can let me know how it goes. Id be happy to talk.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    i was in your situation and i never let go of my ex and now im more messed up than ever. if i had my time over, id have cut my ex out of my life instead of ruining it. there is no possible way to stay in touch with each other without you getting hurt when u still have feelings for him because you will always be secretly hoping you will work things out.

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