new here, wish i would have found this site earlier. Well how to start.... My wife and I have been together for 8 years now and just recently had our first child together last year. When our Daughter was born, it was decided that i would be a stay at home dad since she made more than I. Since the baby sex was few and far between, I just attributed this to the fact she had a natural birth and things needed to heal. My wife also seems to have an issue with the way she looks now, (stretch marks and a little baby weight) but i continually tell her how beautiful she is. Well after she healed sex still did not return to normal.
I would try and try but would get brushed off, so i decided to give her more time. Well I started keeping track and 6 months went by and nothing. My wife was very sexual before the child, id say 5 or 6 times a week (I would even catch her using a toy if i was not around). well I started to wonder, so i took the batteries out of her toys to see if she would say anything, thinking maybe she was just using them when i wasn't around, but she was not.
But i had noticed all the sudden she started working out, which i thought was great and i encouraged her. Id make passes at her when she got home from the gym saying wow you look good and tried to see if i could get some kind of intimacy from her...but she was always tired or felt gross. well a few weeks later she decided to throw everything out of her closet and went shopping (and by everything, I mean everything, i took 15 bags of clothes to the Goodwill). At this point i welcomed anything that made her feel better about her body image.
She bought a lot of nice work clothes, some very low cut shirts in the front. At this point i started getting worried that maybe she wasn't dressing for me anymore but kept silent. I also started to notice she would talk about a guy at work a lot...how he was dating a girl and she was going through bankruptcy and how she got pregnant to keep him. Still i said nothing, all the while i got less and less help with our child. She would come home eat dinner and go to bed, not even cleaning up after herself anymore.
My gut was telling me something wasnt quite right, but my head told me to believe in her. Well my daughter and I went to town to pick up a few things and hope to meet my wife for lunch. I called her at work and on her cell and couldnt get her, which isnt normal. When she got home from work I asked her what she had for lunch today and she said she ate at the office, When i asked what she told me the name of a resteraunt in town that we like, and the guy she talks about a lot bought it and brought it back.
I told her that her daughter and i tried to meet her for lunch in town but couldnt get in touch with her, and inquired as to where she was, because she wasnt at her desk. She then told me she went with this guy to help him carry it (I found it strange she left that part out). Now that gut feeling started really screaming at me. Well the next week starts talking to me about where i would want to move too if i had the chance, and said she had been looking to switch jobs. I replied that that isnt smart considering the economy.
Later she wanted to buy me a new truck, ( something we had talked about when we had the money) but she knows we dont have the kind of money. Well the next day i decided to try and pressure her harder for intimacy. When she got home I told her how good she looked. followed her to the bedroom, tried to kiss her and tell her how much i loved her only to be shot down and told i was being strange. So after i put the baby to bed i told her we need to talk. I was calm and loving and geniuenly concerned and asked "this is going to sound strange, but i need to ask you a question and i need you to answer honestly".
She looked scared and i asked "have you ever or are you now having an affair, emotional or otherwise?" She looked me in the eye, laughed and said no. I felt relieved and let the matter go. The next week was great, all the sex i could handle she cleaned up after herself told me she loved me. But then i started to wonder why the big change. So i kept pushing, and my bright sunny wife went to a dark place. the next week was hell she told me she thought about crashing into something on the way home and killing herself, told me i deserved better.
I was in shock, i didnt know what to think. So we had another serious talk about what as going on with her, and she broke down and told me she had cheated on me before we got married, she Said that she kissed another guy and let him fondle her but didnt have sex (this issue had been brought up before and she told me nothing had happened with this guy). I have trouble buying that nothing happened judging by her reaction...but it was before we were married, so not much i can say about it now.
But I still am having trouble trusting her about the her current state like she told me that just to throw me off the trail or something. So now i have resigned myself to let it be and give her enough rope to hang herself if something is going on, if i dont i feel she may leave me because i dont trust her. I really dont know what to do now. sorry if this isnt coherent, just needed to vent.