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My girlfriend has such low self-esteem.


zgrocks9

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Ive been dating my girlfriend for about a year now and i love her more than ive ever loved anyone before. she is so beautiful, both inside and out. she is amazingly kind and generous and her looks are astonishing. however, this isnt what she thinks. she is constantly putting herself down and saying things like, "im so ugly, im such a * * * * * " and it breaks my heart seeing such a gorgeous person like that. whenever i try to give her a compliment she literally shakes her head and says, i dont believe you. i love her so much and i wont give up on her but nothing im doing is helping. she doesnt listen to what im saying. i tell her to look at how she treats people and how much people love her, even complete strangers she barely met treat her so good because she did to them. but none of this works. Please help me help her!

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Be there for her.. encourage her.. love her.. and reassure her is all you can do. In the end she's got to help herself .. i.e. .. SELF esteem. I know it can be extremely frustrating to be with someone like that.. I was with someone for 4 years who hated herself.. I gave it my all to try and help her see she was beautiful.. smart.. and everything else.. everything I did ended up only being temporary .. and in the end she wasn't willing to help herself and never changed. Hopefully the end result is different for you. Good luck.

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I actually think she may be a little insecure even though you can see all the wonderful things about her. She may look in the mirror and see something different. I guess some people are just like that and are always needing emotional support and attention to see them through. My first love was very similar, lovely looking girl etc... etc... although she always complained about how ugly she was. We all have are insecurities to differing degrees although we have to give other people that extra support sometimes to help them through.

 

Be supportive but not too much over the top. She also has to stand on her own to feet.

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How about posting her photos? lol J/K

 

If / when you tell her that she's beautiful, don't stop there but tell her why do you think she's beautiful, her eyes are like stars, her skin as soft as.. I don't know etc etc.. well, you get the idea. Don't overdo it though, just try to make her believe that you are telling the truth and not empty compliments.

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My ex was the same way very low self-esteem when we first started dating. She had just moved and had close to no friends and always thought she was fat, unattractive etc. where as I was the more known guy who was always upbeat and positive with I'd say decent physical qualities. Was it irritating? of course but as long as you keep complimenting and cementing how great she looks, how much self-worth she actually has and how she shouldn't be feeling down it will get better! Keep pushing on how amazing the person is.

 

At about the 4 month mark she wrote me a letter about how she was sorry for being such a downer and wondered why I was still with her, she always though I was out of her league which upset me but in that letter she stated how much I had changed her and made her feel like shes worth it and from then on she never brought up being ugly and a loner anymore this is ironic because I ended up turning into a downer and insecure at the end of our relationship due to life issues haha. Although she ended up dumping me I'm happy I had such a great impact on her life and she mine and by far it was the greatest year and a half of my life. If I had given up I would not have been able to experience the happiness I did with her

 

It will be an uphill battle but if you don't give up you can make it better!

 

Sometimes the role of an individual is to merely pick someone up while they are down and show them how great life can be.

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How about posting her photos? lol J/K

 

If / when you tell her that she's beautiful, don't stop there but tell her why do you think she's beautiful, her eyes are like stars, her skin as soft as.. I don't know etc etc.. well, you get the idea. Don't overdo it though, just try to make her believe that you are telling the truth and not empty compliments.

 

IMO, I don't think this is the right approach. Convincing her that she's pretty/beautiful will only bandaid the underlying problem, which is the fact that she associates her physical appearance with the bulk of her self-worth. This is a common problem especially amongst young women. You don't address this but spending your time convincing such people that they're attractive; you concentrate on changing how they "rank" their physical appearance in the grand scheme of things.

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IMO, I don't think this is the right approach. Convincing her that she's pretty/beautiful will only bandaid the underlying problem, which is the fact that she associates her physical appearance with the bulk of her self-worth. This is a common problem especially amongst young women. You don't address this but spending your time convincing such people that they're attractive; you concentrate on changing how they "rank" their physical appearance in the grand scheme of things.

 

I agree with you on the inner-beauty part, and I also agree with your solution (physical appearance rank thing). Maybe there are more stories here than what the OP told us, but I gave my opinion based only on what he wrote, that is how to make her realize that she is in fact, physically beautiful. Should the OP said that she isn't so beautiful and therefore has a low self esteem, then my advice would be more or less, just like yours. Don't get me wrong, I believe that while it is okay if someone realize how physically beautiful they are, if it doesn't come with inner beauty then the girl will be likely turn into some kind of sick-narcissist-bit*h. But looks like it is not the case we have over here

 

she is so beautiful, both inside and out. she is amazingly kind and generous and her looks are astonishing

 

so I was being a pragmatic, and trying to solve of what I think is the nearest problem.

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  • 1 month later...

My girfriend and I known eachother for 5 years we have a long distance relationship but it is great we both trust each other a lot and text most of the day except when I go to school. We talk to each other on webcam and on the phone we both seen pictures of each other of our entire body. The problem is she has a very LOW self esteem. I truly believe she is perfect and don't get how she doesn't see it. She doesnt believe me when I say she's beautiful or say she has a nice body she experts herself to be perfect when I think she already is. We are going to see each other for the first time in 1 month and lately she has been trying t lose a lot of weight. For me I don't think skinny is attractive and she acts like she wants to have a model body. How can I boost her self esteem and make her believe me? Its really making us fight a lot because I get upset when she talks about how bad she thinks she looks. I love her so much she means everything to me

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Personally I can relate to your girlfriend, having low self esteem myself. I find it very hard to take a compliment and have had to teach myself to smile and say thank you when my boyfriend says something nice about me, rather than just tell him I don't believe him. There is only so much you can do to help your girlfriend, as someone else mentioned its called self esteem becuase it's how you feel about yourself, no amount of someone else telling you you're beautiful will change your mind if you don't trutly believe it yourself. Personally I think the best thing you can do is talk to your girlfriend. Tell her when she compliment her you truly mean it and that it hurts you when she dismisses it, and suggest that instead of thinking you're lying that she should hear what you have said, believe it, smile and say thank you, and let herself feel good about herself for a minute. Let her know often that you love her, why you love her, and remind her of all the things that make her a good person. As I have said, there is only so much you can do though, these feelings probably come from and issue your girlfriend needs to deal with, she may even benefit from talking to someone professionally.

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