I don't know how to be social

After finally talking to the people in the group therapy thing I've been going to for well over a month, it has dawned on me just how unskilled I am at being social and making friends.

I don't have anyone to talk to at school; I eat lunch alone; I don't hang out with anyone. This is the way it was when I was in school over five years ago as well.

I literally don't know how friendships are formed. I don't understand how relationships form. I have tried to reach out to a few people, but they don't respond to me, and I think it's because I am so awkward that they just don't want to be with me. They would rather be with someone else. But how am I supposed to get practice forming friendships if people won't give me a chance, if people won't suspend judgment about my awkwardness and let me in?

Well, after that last session at group therapy, it's finally dawned on me: I don't know how friendships are formed -- at least for someone like me, who people seem to be put off by for some reason.

I don't know much about how friendships are formed but I can easily talk to people. Either ask them something about themselves or talk about yourself. The funnier or interesting the story the better. Most people love attention and if you talk to them they will like it. If your in some group therapy session then the subjects could be anything, sport, TV, films, the news, something funny you saw etc. And if your stuck the weather !

Well, after that last session at group therapy, it's finally dawned on me: I don't know how friendships are formed -- at least for someone like me, who people seem to be put off by for some reason.

Many friendships start from shared common interest(s). Find a way to meet people that you share those in common with and kick off a conversation on that subject. From there, you can move on to asking/talking about yourselves more. I don't think anyone has figured out the science of friendship formation, but I think it has a lot to do with two or more people conversing in complementary ways.

People are put off by me often as well. I either seem too distant and detached, or too awkward etc. I am a mystery, people cant read me, and they take what crumbs are there and dont know how to piece it together. I am a difficult person behind the mask, but when you take into account that im very shy, have social anxiety and generally dont mesh with a lot of people, well, its not hard to see why i have problems.

Everything you said there though, i can relate to. I tend to eat alone, i am more in my own company than not. I am a lone wolf for sure. I cant say i dont know how friendships are formed, but i dont have many people that are close to me. I treasure trust and connection, things i rarely find. Connection even more rare.

I know though, people are very quick to judge me without facts. I get labelled quickly, often if not almost all the time wrongly labelled. I am a natural people repellent it seems lol.

As a previous poster pointed out, friendships are often based on a mutual interest. What do you do for fun? The trick is to find groups that you are interested in and that way you have an automatic starting point for conversations with people.

I would also suggest reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It gives tips on making conversation that are extremely helpful, and stories to back up those tips. One thing he emphasizes is how little one actually has to speak to be considered a good conversationalist. It's more about listening to people, at least in the initial stages of a friendship.

If your anxiety is so severe that you can't even carry out the first two suggestions in this post, then I would suggest some low dosage of medication to take the edge off until you can put those into practice.

As a previous poster pointed out, friendships are often based on a mutual interest. What do you do for fun? The trick is to find groups that you are interested in and that way you have an automatic starting point for conversations with people.

 

I would also suggest reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It gives tips on making conversation that are extremely helpful, and stories to back up those tips. One thing he emphasizes is how little one actually has to speak to be considered a good conversationalist. It's more about listening to people, at least in the initial stages of a friendship.

 

If your anxiety is so severe that you can't even carry out the first two suggestions in this post, then I would suggest some low dosage of medication to take the edge off until you can put those into practice.

It doesnt always work out this way. I have many hobbies/interests. Practically none of which i can obtain friends through, i do them because i get something from it, enjoyment, some kind of fulfillment.

Though yes, generally it does work like that. So, its worth exploring if you havent yet. Get involved in things you like, things you want to do. In theory you should meet like minded individuals, which then might become friends.

It doesnt always work out this way. I have many hobbies/interests. Practically none of which i can obtain friends through, i do them because i get something from it, enjoyment, some kind of fulfillment.

Are they hobbies and interests that involve other people, or are they things like online gaming, which is solitary? If they do involve other people, do you make an effort when you meet with them, or do you go there and isolate yourself?

Obviously, if you want to make friends, then yes, you do have to expand your interests to the types of activities that will put you in contact with others, in person, working together.

Are they hobbies and interests that involve other people, or are they things like online gaming, which is solitary? If they do involve other people, do you make an effort when you meet with them, or do you go there and isolate yourself?

 

Obviously, if you want to make friends, then yes, you do have to expand your interests to the types of activities that will put you in contact with others, in person, working together.

I do online gaming yes, but im not counting that as a hobby/interest with social possibilities dont worry.

My hobbies/interests do have a social side, i just dont meet like minded people within these cirlces. But then, if i put it like that, ive practically never met a like minded individual in person before, well, maybe 1 or 2. But like i mentioned earlier, i have social anxiety. Im sure this isnt helping, well i know it isnt. Im not exactly all of party guy lol, i do tend to like my own space. But, i do make what could be deemed as casual friendships, but they are more like contacts to me. People i can call up for different hobbies/interests, like sport for example. But there is always a barrier, we get on during that activity, but take away that common thread, the situation and we dont get on. This is common for most people i know, but with me its amplified. Its practically everyone i meet, bar a few.

I probably have met someone in life who is me, except female. But it crashed and burned. Someone said to me recently it sucks to be me, cant make it work with my reflection, cant with my opposite. Guess that means im screwed lol.

But like i mentioned earlier, i have social anxiety. Im sure this isnt helping, well i know it isnt.

You're right. Also the negativity needs to go.

As a previous poster pointed out, friendships are often based on a mutual interest. What do you do for fun? The trick is to find groups that you are interested in and that way you have an automatic starting point for conversations with people.

 

I would also suggest reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It gives tips on making conversation that are extremely helpful, and stories to back up those tips. One thing he emphasizes is how little one actually has to speak to be considered a good conversationalist. It's more about listening to people, at least in the initial stages of a friendship.

 

If your anxiety is so severe that you can't even carry out the first two suggestions in this post, then I would suggest some low dosage of medication to take the edge off until you can put those into practice.

That book you mentioned was the first 'self help' thing I did when I was about 24. It was a good book.