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Thread: My boyfriend is very indifferent towards me, from distance. Any advice please?

  1. #1
    strange brew
    Member strange brew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011

    Unhappy My boyfriend is very indifferent towards me, from distance. Any advice please?

    I'm in a long distance relationship for 4 months now (I'm 18, he's 22) and I feel like things aren't very well with my boyfriend (I'm a girl). Everything has changed in the last 1,5 month, he stopped being cute and caring towards me, saying sweet stuff on the msn, all I get are bored, short replies like "yeah", "ok", "interesting". It seems like he has lost interest (on the msn). When we are together though, he's great. We meet twice a month.

    I'm thinking that since our relationship is based on the long distance communication, things should be great about it as well. However, the more I talk to him on the msn, the more frustrated I get. I told him that he has changed, but he isn't willing at all to realize it himself and the rare times he did, he wasn't willing to change it. Like, change the way we communicate. I suggested that we should stop the msn for a while and start the phone conversations, but he didn't want to. I told him that my assumptions for his boredom are that, he was all cute and interested on me on the msn while he was trying to make me consider the relationship for real, flirting me etc, and now that he kind of knows me (because I tell him everything I feel), I'm not longer a mystery for him, so why try spice the things up a little bit? His answer towards my assumption was "yeah, you might be right". He also told me that he was bored only on the msn and not while we are together. I am so frustrated because, while I have located the problem, he doesn't care about fixing it, or becoming more concerned about it so that things will get better in distance. His attitude is "yeah, ok, we'll see, just stop grumbling..."
    I really don't know what to do. It's my first relationship ever and I feel like I'm too attached on him, and I'm afraid that I make things worse with my complaints about him being distant. What should I do? I suggested that we should do a few things for LDR couples like watch movies together, or read books together, or send stuff to each other, and he said he didn't want to.
    The funny thing is that he was blaming me for being indifferent towards him at the beginning, (I wasn't really, I just had a hard time showing my emotions) and I changed it for him. :S

    Any ideas on how to treat him from now on? I am in love with him, but I stopped having the feeling of being in a relationship from a distance, it's like talking to a bored friend of mine now, constantly.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ForumGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Dark Side of the Moon
    You are on the right track in knowing that pressuring him into things he doesn't want to do will make it worse (chatting and the things you list for LDR couples to do). He has set his terms....he likes it when you are together, but is unwilling to try to fix the issues you are having with the rest of the time. You need to decide if you can live with this, because like I said, pressuring or "grumbling" as he puts it will drive a wedge farther between you. It sounds like if you want to keep the relationship going, you are going to have to find other things to do with your time rather than rely on him to entertain you from afar.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    Dump em

    I use to be like you guys.i had a long distant relationship, and sometimes i use to say things to my ex-gf to get her upset or say things to make us argue so i could hang-up on her phone calls,or disconnect my msn.hes a male and at that age you beta be a 5ft irresistible diamond,cause he's proberly lonely and thinks of no lasting hope with yous that distant.sometimes they meet some1 or have onenight stands and feel * * * * about it. Dont know how to tell you,and get bored of you.have you ever spoken and he's like HUH? Not paying attention,nothing you say sinks repeatively ask him things and he gives closed answers.DUMP EM NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE..he'll drive you crazy xox

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Why doesn't he want phone conversations? They're more 'real' than msn and can't be misinterpretated as much. Next time you're due to msn, be offline but call him instead - 'I wanted to hear your voice' and take it from there. His non commital answers sounds like he's doing other things on the net (nothing bad!) instead of focusing 100% on your conversations. You meet twice a month, that's not bad going for a LDR! Don't grumble, make free time to do things with friends instead. Maybe you're expecting to talk every night? That can be boring if there's nothing to say or you're raking over his lack of answers. No-one wants a whinging partner.

    I would never expect my bf to watch movies together or read a book together online for something to do and it would drive me mad too! We talk (always laughing) about our days at work, with friends, whatever crops up. We're not a LDR, more of a commute and see each other once a week or so. 'Heavy' stuff, in my opinion, should be discussed in person, not over a few lines of msn text which can easily be misconstrued.

    You can have the odd day or night off and away from him and msn, it would bring something new back and would help you to be less needy, which (sorry) you appear to be a little.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Sometimes guys don't like to be told to change. I've experienced it before, but instead of MSN, it was skype. my ldr boyfriend used to be really eager to skype with me all the time, but eventually that feeling died off for him, cause he started to adapt to his new place and knew that i'll always be there waiting for him to come on skype. maybe he sees that 'watching a movie' or 'reading books online' together as more of a obligation that he doesn't feel like doing, cause he sees you twice a week. 'grumbling' and pointing out to his mistakes will only bring you so far; he'll change for a bit and then it'll be back to square one. i suggest that you take some time off, have your own time, instead of waiting for him to come on msn all the time. of course, i'm not asking you to completely not talk to each other for a few days, just maybe some occasional texts. and then he might even initiate to give a phone call instead of only chatting through msn cause he'll miss you a lot

  6. #6
    Member chatelaine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Thumbs down

    Simply put, you deserve better. Long distance relationships really test character. He's showing you who he truly is, so believe him and move on. He obviously doesn't value your feelings or your relationship.

  7. #7
    Gold Member OrangeMoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    You are not getting what you feel you need?
    He doesnt seem willing to give you what you feel you need?
    You have explained to him what you need..and he brushes it off the table..
    You are not asking for something way out have simply uttered reasonable wants for staying connected to your boyfriend..
    its always easier to show love when someone is there.. you are only there twice a month. You should look at the signs when you are not there..that time covers the bigger part of your relationship.

    Your being apart from each other should make him feel more desire to spend time with you..
    If he is already in that 'i could care less..unless when I see you' me that is not a good sign. To me that just says he is not ready to end it ...YET.

    I agree with one of the posters that chances are very likely that he has his eye on several other girls right now. to give attention to several women, can leave you worn out or at least indifferent. its like that initial desire and longing for you died a little, because he is having his emotional needs met elsewhere..
    I am not saying he is cheating..but most likely he is flirting here and there.

    The thing to focus on is yourself. What do YOU want, are you getting what you want or need. Can you gíve yourself what you need.

    My advice would be to hold back a little and go focus on you and only give when he decides to give back..or when he initiates contact in the right way..
    If he is unwilling to come to you, then this might end..and he will probably blame you for it. If he is contacting you and he is doing in that same 'habit'-mode..That means you have better things to do with your time. You are many hours away from him. If he doesn't feel that he might loose you, than he just doesn't care enough to begin with.

    if you feel in your heart that you deserve more than what you are getting..make sure you start giving it to yourself first. If you are not his first concern..dont make him yours either. Relationships are two way street..not always 50/50..but you can sense when there is a natural balance to it. You feel the imbalance right now..and that is why your gut feeling is crying out to us...listen to your gut. She is always right...

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    When the suddenly get distant and disinterested that is usually a red flag they are seeing someonelae or seriously thinking about it.

  9. #9
    Silver Member hrtlsngl7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Break up. LDRs are a waste of your life.


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