Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 38

Thread: What does it mean if an ex wants to be friends?

  1. #1
    paigem
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    24

    What does it mean if an ex wants to be friends?

    So, I have done my research on the net, and I think I understand why my ex who broke up with me in November and said we could stay friends and tried to keep a little bit of contact through facebook even though I didn't respond to any of it....because he still probably had feelings and wanted to still keep me in his life in some way as he tried to move on. But, he and I haven't had any interaction since January (I'm counting from January since that's when he stopped his facebook Likes on my statuses and pictures) and he might be more moved on...yet, I heard he told a friend that he hopes to be friends in the future and to tell me he said hello. I'm just wondering what anyone thinks that's about? After FOUR MONTHS after BU, I heard about this "tell her I said hello and I'm happy to hear she is doing good " and this hope for friendship in the future.

    So, what does it mean when an ex wants to/plans to be your friend in the future? What does it mean if they are thinking/hoping about this a few months post BU?
    Is this a bad sign or a good sign.

    Also, what is there to gain from being friends with me? It really hasn't been too long post BU yet, so why might he already be planning and hoping to be friends unless there is some sort of outcome or something he thinks he might gain from it...
    Last edited by paigem; 03-28-2011 at 01:03 AM.

  2. #2
    22n32
    Gold Member 22n32's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,158
    Thanked
    5
    this is not always the case.. but generaly

    for men its sex..

    for women its to keep options open and keep u on the backburner..

  3. #3
    chiqueangel
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    69
    It depends on the situation. Maybe he just wants see you as a friend more than someone who he can reconcile with. Or maybe it's the idea of being friends make him feel that the BU had a good ending to the both of you.

    My ex wants to be friends with me too. He said that he'll stay in touch with me. But for me, just let him be. Don't care about what he wants for the both of you. Care about what you want to make your life better. Let him feel that you're in control and you're not expecting anything from him, whether friends or not.

  4. #4
    Robin2904
    Platinum Member Robin2904's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,148
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    147
    I think it can be the latter for men also 22n32. I think sometimes they (Both male and female) just want to know you'll always be there. By keeping someone as a friend they can always go back if they decide to. It kind of sucks and I'm going through something similar now.

  5. #5
    jumper11
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    541
    Thanked
    1
    A friend to them is just a friend that you don't see much, it's like how ton of us have 'facebook friends' but we don't necessarily keep in touch with all of them.. they don't want to FULLY cut you out of their lives but they also don't really want you in it either in my opinion. Just a way of easing things.. I'd delete from facebook if you still have feelings for him.

    If you want ANY hope of reconciliation even though it's slim to begin with, you have to disappear. Also this helps you heal. By being around, even by letting his access your facebook page, you're just helping him move on. Mine left me in December and only after I did these things did he actually start behaving crazy because they are used to you hanging around.

  6. #6
    paigem
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    24
    jumper11, well the way we are right now is basically facebook friends who dont talk or see each other. But we also don't even do anything anymore on each other's facebook pages or anything. So, could he really genuinely want to be friends in the future? Because clearly he doesn't mean how we are NOW which is friends who don't see each other or talk or anything. I know he means friends who can hang out and talk and text. Because he has a lot of friends who are girls who he texts and talk with and especially a few exes. It's just so strange to hope for the idea and then profess it to my friend knowing she might tell me. It's like, why?

    And when did you stop the facebook contact? Right away after your BU? I do hope for reconciliation but it seems hopeless. It's been four months so deleting him probably is pointless since he maybe moved on completely.

  7. #7
    jumper11
    Silver Member jumper11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    541
    Thanked
    1
    It took me 2 months after the breakup, it took me finding ENA. 2 months since I *fully* stopped any contact.. and that's when I deleted him from facebook. You're best deleting him, I thought the same as you, but by keeping facebook open to him, you're letting him see you if you know what I mean. If you delete him and change your settings to friends only he can only see your profile pic and name. Your break up really wasn't all that long ago and its NEVER too late to do something that will help you. Even if you don't use facebook every day, you are allowing him to see your pics and to see what you're up to.. plus the best thing is by deleting him you are taking a stand for yourself, and making it clear that this *isn't* okay. Plus it helps your healing..

    So it's never too late. It took me 2 months, and ever since, things have really gone for the better. PM me if you want

  8. #8
    Alpha Ghaz
    Member Alpha Ghaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    84
    My ex wanted to stay friend with me too. I know its just to keep me around as a safety net, which infuriates me even more since she * * * * on all the trust I had for her.

  9. #9
    90_hour_sleep
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    bc
    Posts
    2,913
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    117
    that's a good question.

    maybe it's nothing other than a desire for platonic friendship. sometimes relationships don't work as relationships...but they thrive as friendships. i know most of us that have been broken up with don't care to entertain that possibility...because usually we're so focussed on the outcome of getting back together that we're completely blind to the obvious realities of the situation. we see what we want to see.

    but...really...if you can't see being ''just a friend''...try not to delude yourself into thinking that it's going to work out any other way. if someone says he wants to be a friend...what reason could you have to take that for anything other than face value? easy to overanalyze...try to find meaning where there is no meaning. sometimes things are only as complicated as we choose to make them.

  10. #10
    Love145
    Member Love145's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    45
    As the dumper, for me being friends is leaving a door open. Having someone I trust so much around in case I ever need him. Also a way to know what he's doing and how his life is going; you can call it control if you want to. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, so it also makes me feel less guilty knowing I've him as a friend.

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
HARD TIME MAINTAINING NC TODAY Help
I almost called him today.... But things are a mess with my divorce. I don't want him followed and harassed. I want to pick up the phone and
Exhaustion and Sadness vs Depression
There are days when this whole heartbreak thing is too much to deal with. I'm exhausted. Do you have those moments when you just feel like no
He contacted me...
If you guys need a recap, please check out my previous posts. It's all really messed up (moving in with him after 7 years, him cheating on me after
1 step forward 10 steps back. Becoming exhausted.
6 weeks now since we broke up. Last week I was feeling pretty good, I had found out she had already moved on and yes it hurt but it gave me a kind
Is it normal to feel sorry for my EX's new boyfriend?
My EX having a new boyfriend is old news to me. So I long ago worked through the feelings of being "replaced", how quickly she found someone else
I don't understand my ex at all
We broke up a long time ago, I definitely feel like I'm over him, but at the same time, I'll always still love him. We have quite the history
HELP how do i begin to heal :(
So- I was seeing a man for about a year. Truthfully, he did a lot of things that hurt me or made me unhappy-it was selfish stuff, he took advantage a

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up
Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two
Does he really think I'm trolling him/can't trust me or is just an excuse?
Met a guy last summer. I broke it off with him 3 times in 6 dates, over concern about distance, but kept apologizing. The last break off he said he
My 8 year old won't go to sleep or stay asleep 😣😣
Feel like I am losing my mind. My 8 year old just won't go to bed.. or she at least won't stay in bed. She is still up now at 9.45pm (after being
HSP in LDR, about to move to be with him and get married
Im a Highly Sensitive Person. I get very overwhelmed very easily. If i dont sleep well, if theres too much noise, if there are too many
Am I being selfish or unreasonable?
Hi everyone, Sorry for my first post to be one of all doom and gloom, but I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I want to start by saying that I
Stomach flu fears
I have a huge fear of stomach flu, if i am exposed or know someone has had it a have really bad anxiety and stress over it. Yesterday at 11am at my
Boyfriend Likes Questionable Pictures on Instagram– Should I Be Worried?
Long story short, he's been liking some questionable pictures that this other woman (whom he knows irl) posts. In one of the pictures he liked, she's
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •