It just keeps getting worse...

My loneliness.

Girls don't like me.

When I'm not at school, I can't leave my bed.

The few friends I have just go on with their lives, living their dreams; I live with my parents and have nothing.

I have no confidence. No self-esteem. It's been that way for my entire life. I don't know how to be any other way.

I can't think of one reason why I should even be living. I can't connect with anyone; and whenever I try (especially girls) they just blow me off.

Forget them all. There's no reason for me to even be alive.

You need professional help for your depression

I second ForumGuy - I highly recommend you seek counselling.

I've been in and out of counseling for four years now.

I'm hopeless. This is just how I am.

I've been in and out of counseling for four years now.

 

I'm hopeless. This is just how I am.

If you have been in and out of therapy, my guess is that you haven't stuck with a therapist long enough to see any real change. What kind of therapy were you in? My personal opinion is that CBT is the only way to go for social anxiety situations, because it requires action, as opposed to talk therapy which does not.

You probably know lots of people who would not have had any success in any area (work, school, relationships) if they had simply said, This is just how I am.

If you have been in and out of therapy, my guess is that you haven't stuck with a therapist long enough to see any real change. What kind of therapy were you in? My personal opinion is that CBT is the only way to go for social anxiety situations, because it requires action, as opposed to talk therapy which does not.

 

You probably know lots of people who would not have had any success in any area (work, school, relationships) if they had simply said, This is just how I am.

My experience with CBT was not helpful because so called professionals kept telling me how I ought to feel after certain actions and as I am trained in CBT myself I was fortunate enough to find that counselling was much more helpful and didn't prevent me or deter me from taking action needed, on the contrary it made me feel more involved in my own development through understanding of what I was experiencing and why before `just doing it'.. I appreciate CBT might work for some people, but it just wasn't for me.

Counselling is often down to the type of counselling and most of all, the skill and expertise of the counsellor.

A great counsellor will move you on leaps and bounds. Four years of therapy for you to say what you have said in the post below suggests the counselling wasn't as efective as it might have been.., so I would suggest seeking a better more specialised therapist. Also, have a look at the counselling thread on this site by DN.. I and others have contributed info' to it about counsellors and counselling.

To answer your thread: you aren't hopeless and you aren't necessarily depressed either, although that would outwardly appear to be the first thing that could be said of you - you just may have struggled to connect for familial/situational reasons.

I have worked with many clients in the capacity of coach and what many struggled with was seeing the wood for the trees, recognising others as well as their own responsibility in what is happening to them and how they feel, and taking charge of their situation in realistic ways.

There is negativity and pessimism and there is depression. A sympathetic medical professional could possibly diagnose depression but I would not assume it or claim I could diagnose you.. that requires a professional.

You have done well to come on here and post.

You are also relatively young and apathy can hit you for all sorts of reasons to do with diet and medical reasons, not related to depression.

Sometimes your interpretation of situations can contribute to self-defeating thinking that can get you in to a viscious cycle, that is not simply a case of depression.

I would like to know about why you feel girls have `blown you off', as it seems this may have significantly affected your self-esteem or perhaps your perception of yourself as interesting or not etc has contributed to you not feeling you have had any success with women.

My experience with CBT was not helpful because so called professionals kept telling me how I ought to feel after certain actions and as I am trained in CBT myself I was fortunate enough to find that counselling was much more helpful and didn't prevent me or deter me from taking action needed, on the contrary it made me feel more involved in my own development through understanding of what I was experiencing and why before `just doing it'.. I appreciate CBT might work for some people, but it just wasn't for me.

I agree, CBT is certainly not for everyone. I had a positive experience with it so I think that definitely makes me sing its praises more. But then, I have the tendency to overanalyze anyway, so talk therapy felt like it was keeping me stuck in my own head, if that makes any sense.

I've been in and out of counseling for four years now.

 

I'm hopeless. This is just how I am.

If you've been in and out of counselling for four years, would this be because you don't follow through and give up before anything constructive can happen? It seems you give up too easily, and if it's not that, then I would strongly suggest you find another therapist who works for you, because obviously in four years you haven't found the right one. Can you tell us what kind of therapy/counselling you go to?

You should try and look at things in a more positive light. For example, I just read that in the UK the average person is around £8400 in debt. Yes, you live with your parents - but I'd rather live with my parents and have no debt than live on my own and be loads in debt. You say your friends live their dreams. How do you know they're not in debt? We don't always know exactly how our friends lives really are. A lot of people hide things. Do your friends for example know how bad you feel?

I'm sorry you feel so bad - but maybe you need to find some new hobbies or something that you can enjoy and get out and do things. Not everything costs money - and if you get out a bit more you're less likely to be dwelling on the fact you haven't got a girlfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend for over 15 years - and while sometimes I'd really like one, I also have a great life and live it as best I can. I'm usually so busy that half the time I haven't got time to even think about guys - and don't know how I'd cope if I did have one, as I have no time for one! And for the record, I don't have much confident either. But I still go and do the things I love.

I agree, CBT is certainly not for everyone. I had a positive experience with it so I think that definitely makes me sing its praises more. But then, I have the tendency to overanalyze anyway, so talk therapy felt like it was keeping me stuck in my own head, if that makes any sense.

I totally understand.. especially the latter part of your post about knowing your own needs based on things like a tendency to overanalyze things.. yes, it does make sense.

For me counselling worked in the opposite way ie as a positive in tandem with my analytical nature to help me be more objective because I had somebody to bounce off, which helped me gain clarity, make clearer and better decisions whereas CBT purported that if an approach was applied it should create a desired outcome but it ignored if the approach wasn't `right for you' and focused on the idea that once the approach has been followed step-by-step the desired outcome should happen and if it doesn't happen the client user has failed to do something right, so I found it's application and inflexibility around different personality types very limiting and frustrating.

Thank you for the responses everyone, but it's all pointless.

I have decided to not think about women anymore, and focus on more important things. Most women my age are immature and stupid anyway (as they have proven to me many times), so I am no longer going to waste my time and energy worrying about getting their attention.

It's almost getting to the point where I am starting to hate women. All they want are jerks and a**holes anyway. (Women will constantly deny this, but they are lying to themselves. Hell, one of this forum's highly regarded denizens suggested some articles to me that backs me up on this: link removed.)

So, I'm done. I'm done thinking that there must be something wrong with me because some idiotic, stuck-up twenty-something b***** calls me a "creep" and makes me feel less than human.

There is nothing wrong with me! And I'm done thinking there is.

I don't need cognitive behavioral therapy either. We live in a sick culture -- a culture that actively makes men like me feel less than human. Cognitive behavioral therapy won't change that. The culture is rotten, and I don't need treatment -- this sick culture does!

So, I'm done with women. They can have their jerks and players.