Is sex a really important part of a relationship?

This has always been a huge problem in my past relationships... boyfriend wants sex, I want to wait until the relationship becomes more serious and marriage or at least something long term (ie. more than 3-6 months) seems like a possibility. However, even though the guy promises that it wouldn't be a problem... it ALWAYS is! Around the 3-4 month period, it becomes the reason for constant fights... and ultimately, always leads to break-ups.

I don't want to be pressured into doing something that I'm not ready to do simply to keep the relationship together... so, I was wondering... is sex really such an important part of a relationship?

Must sex be present in order for a relationship to be successful? Am I really asking for too much?

I think it really depends on the individual.

Personally, sex is really important to me, but that's just my preference.

I've known people who wanted to wait for sex, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. There really isn't a right or wrong answer here. It's whatever makes you most comfortable.

If a guy truly cares about you, then they will wait till you're ready. If you're not capable of doing so, then it's best to move forward and find someone that's compatible with you.

I'm with you. I won't have sex unless the relationship is VERY serious. My ex and I waited 2 years, and while the relationship did not last I still feel very good about that decision.

Don't let anyone pressure you. You know you have found a great guy when he is more concerned about making you comfortable than about his sexual appetite.

This guy has no respect for you. I really admire you sticking up for you values on this one.

It entirely depends on the person when they think having sex is ok. Some people are comfortable of getting it on after the first date or two... some want to wait and see if the person is worth it. What this guy is doing is pressuring you. Don't let him. Do what YOU feel is comfortable and right. If this guy truly loved you, he would understand and wait.

Sex is important to me. Not jump straight into bed, but for me it's what sets a romantic relationship apart from a platonic relationship.

I would think any guy who is worth the long term relationship would accept the fact that it's not in the books right off the bat. And it doesn't seem like you are keeping it a secret and stringing the guys along. If they know from the get go, and they continue the relationship, they know what you expect from it and should be willing to respect that.

If a guy truly cares about you, then they will wait till you're ready. If you're not capable of doing so, then it's best to move forward and find someone that's compatible with you.

I know... that's why, right from the beginning, I lay the cards on the table and I let him know that it's not going to happen with me unless things get serious. I actually really respect the guys who tell me that they can't have a relationship without sex (seems more platonic than romantic.) However, in my case, I don't think I deceived the guy. I just wasn't ready yet... and I don't want to make a decision that I would regret.

Personally, I don't see how a relationship can become serious WITHOUT SEX! But that's just me. If a guy told me no sex for several months, I wouldn't go for that at all. It is very important to most people. If I may aska personal question here, don't you get the cravings for sex? Maybe that could be your problem. If you do, but you are just scared of being hurt and don't want to have sex before you feel secure, well, I wish you the best. You just have to find a guy who feels the same way. They are out there. I've briefly dated a couple of them.

I'm with you. I won't have sex unless the relationship is VERY serious. My ex and I waited 2 years, and while the relationship did not last I still feel very good about that decision.

 

Don't let anyone pressure you. You know you have found a great guy when he is more concerned about making you comfortable than about his sexual appetite.

I've never been able to have a relationship longer than about six months because of precisely that reason. Like you, I wouldn't want to make a decision that I would regret. It's getting rather exhausting because... I'm not doing it for religious purposes... it's just a personal preference. I've yet to find a non-religious guy who wanted to "wait until things got serious..." =(

Kudos for being honest and upfront with them. Trust me, not every guy is concerned about sex. Sure, they'd love to have it, but there are actually those that value you much more than trying to get into your pants. In fact, when my bf and I first starting going out, I've tried to initiate sex early on, and he actually rejected me. He told me that he really liked me, and he just couldn't sleep with me that early on because he didn't want to lose respect for me and wanted to wait. I was a little annoyed at that moment, but I also thought it was sweet that he felt that way.

Stick to your values, and don't change them for anyone! Everything has a place and time, you'll know when it's right for you.

You should never feel pressured to compromise your principles. However, you do have to realize that most people won't wait that long to have sex these. Most don't even wait two weeks. lol

You are basically telling these guys you won't have sex until you're engaged, which is a lot of pressure to put on a relationship. Again, it's fine that it's your choice, but just understand it's a pretty difficult position to put a guy in, particularly for a new relationship.

Personally, I don't see how a relationship can become serious WITHOUT SEX! But that's just me. If a guy told me no sex for several months, I wouldn't go for that at all. It is very important to most people. If I may aska personal question here, don't you get the cravings for sex? Maybe that could be your problem. If you do, but you are just scared of being hurt and don't want to have sex before you feel secure, well, I wish you the best. You just have to find a guy who feels the same way. They are out there. I've briefly dated a couple of them.

Hahaha. Thank you for your honesty. =)

I do have cravings for sex... but, to be honest, I haven't met a guy that I felt strongly enough about that I would want to sleep with them. Being hurt is a big thing... since physical intimacy is very emotional for me, I just don't get very excited unless I'm in love (or like the guy a lot). I do realize it's not the same with a lot of people... I've yet to meet one of the guys you describe. =(

Every guy who ever laid that, "You are worth more to me than sex"bit on me was lousy in bed. I like the guy who goes for it and then can take it if you want to wait a bit. By a bit I mean a couple of weeks. Sex is beautiful and you only live so long. I have had mostly long term relationships (5+ years) and most of them started with sex on the first or second date. I have never felt the guy didn't respect me. Most of them eventually proposed, in fact.

Haha... not necessarily engaged... but, something a little more serious than 6 months. As soon as the honeymoon period ends, usually the relationship also ends for me. That's why I wanted to wait for something a little bit long-term...

Haha... not necessarily engaged... but, something a little more serious than 6 months. As soon as the honeymoon period ends, usually the relationship also ends for me. That's why I wanted to wait for something a little bit long-term...

You do realize that if a guy can still dump you even after six months, right? How would you feel then?

I don't think putting such weight on sex and using it like a manipulation tool (even though I don't think that's your intention, it's certainly how it's perceived) is going to work out well.

I've never been able to have a relationship longer than about six months because of precisely that reason. Like you, I wouldn't want to make a decision that I would regret. It's getting rather exhausting because... I'm not doing it for religious purposes... it's just a personal preference. I've yet to find a non-religious guy who wanted to "wait until things got serious..." =(

Six months is an awful lot to ask of a guy to wait for sex. I think you are doing yourself a disservice and probably chasing off a lot of good men. I'm not trying to attack your principles, but very few guys will wait anywhere near that long. That is a fact. There are probably a few, but they are most likely desperate.

You do realize that if a guy can still dump you even after six months, right? How would you feel then?

 

I don't think putting such weight on sex and using it like a manipulation tool (even though I don't think that's your intention, it's certainly how it's perceived) is going to work out well.

I've actually never thought of it that way... That totally wasn't the intention! Interesting perspective though... but... if I don't present it upfront and I'm just not ready when they want to.. what do I do?

Six months is an awful lot to ask of a guy to wait for sex. I think you are doing yourself a disservice and probably chasing off a lot of good men. I'm not trying to attack your principles, but very few guys will wait anywhere near that long. That is a fact. There are probably a few, but they are most likely desperate.

Thanks for your honesty. =) That's the whole point of this thread... to see if I was being extremely unreasonable.

I've actually never thought of it that way... That totally wasn't the intention! Interesting perspective though... but... if I don't present it upfront and I'm just not ready when they want to.. what do I do?

Well, that's the difficult thing, hon. You don't want to compromise yourself, and I would never suggest you do, but, at the same time, you have to realize that waiting xx months is still no guarantee of a future.

I think you should tell a guy that you want to wait until you're in love.

I think sex is important, but I also think that there's nothing wrong with waiting until you're ready.

Personally, though, 6 months is a long time to spend on someone only for you to realize later on that there's no chemistry in bed.

These are just our opinions, again do what is most comfortable for you.

Why not just going with the flow, and telling the guy you want to wait until you're ready? There's no need to put a time frame on it. When you know that you're ready, then you'll know. It's pretty much as simple as that.

There are no guarantees to anything, but one thing for sure is, if something doesn't seem right to you, it usually is.

I don't think you're extremely unreasonable, you're just setting preferences for yourself, and that's perfectly fine.

I think its an important part, def not the only or most important part.. sex really allows me to get closer to her and allows the true feeling to develop..

even though as a guy the animalistic side and chemistry towards her wants sex sex.. but on the other side i get the feeling of being closer and caring about her more..

if i really liked a girl and we were dating six months chemistry and everything would be there, and there was no sex, i would almost feel like that wall up and we could never move to falling in love..

This guy has no respect for you. I really admire you sticking up for you values on this one.

Just because he desires sex that does not mean he disrepsects her as a person. Most people out there would indeed get frustrated at the 3-4 month mark. I suspect the only way the OP could avoid confrontation is if she explicitly dated someone with the same values as her. ie, perhaps guys she meets at church.

The other thing, and I don't know if it works this way for guys, but I imagine it does, but if I were dating a guy, and I really wanted to have sex, which I would, and soon lol, if he told me we had to wait, I would totally lose my sexual desire for him. If I knew my attraction couldn't grow and be encouraged, I would lose all interest in him sexually.

For me, sex really bonds me to a guy. Without it, he is a friend.

The other thing, and I don't know if it works this way for guys, but I imagine it does, but if I were dating a guy, and I really wanted to have sex, which I would, and soon lol, if he told me we had to wait, I would totally lose my sexual desire for him. If I knew my attraction couldn't grow and be encouraged, I would lose all interest in him sexually.

 

For me, sex really bonds me to a guy. Without it, he is a friend.

agree, and yes it does thru her into the friend zone for me, after a certain amount of time of course.. but when i like someone and theres attraction and potential for rel, the chemistry and playfullness is there, and to get closer and let everything grow u need the sex to bond and pull closer towards eachother

and this takes me off the market from other girls..

The OP needs to find a religious/very traditional guy. Most guys (and probably most women) won't wait that long.