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Thread: How do i stop obsessing over my boyfriend??

  1. #1
    dte2011

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    How do i stop obsessing over my boyfriend??

    I have been going out with my boyfriend for six months now and recently i have started feeling so obsessed with him. When i'm not with him, I am constantly thinking about him and checking my phone for a text from him. When i don't hear from him, i get so angry at him and emotional. I have been crying a lot lately because i feel so helpless about my feelings and emotions. He's told me so many times that he loves me a lot and considers me to be his best friend. But even this won't change my feelings. When i don't hear from him, or know that he is on a night out with his friends, or when he cancels coming to see me for something else, i feel his love for me is starting to fade, i feel so helpless as i said.. and don't know what to do!!

    Also, in bed....i ALWAYS initiate sex, this was the subject of a recent argument that we had. His answer to this was that sometimes he just likes to cuddle and not for everything to result in sex. But i don't feel that it's like that in the first place, i just love sex and am willing to do it anytime! i love him so much and just feel that he doesn't feel the same sometimes. I'm just so confused and depressed, any advice would be great at this stage

  2. #2
    Capricorn3
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    Keep reminding yourself that you are being irrational, by getting angry, over emotional, constantly crying, too much texting, obsessing about every little thing in general, are ALL potential elements to drive him away, forever. If you don't want this to happen, then you know what to do.

  3. #3
    CarnelianButterfly
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    I know how you feel. I catch myself obsessing over my new boyfriend, but I just tell myself to relax. You should have things to do that are not involving your boyfriend. When you find yourself obsessing, start reading the news or a book. Get your mind off your boyfriend and on something that is good for you.

    Its not healthy to be angry when he hasn't contacted you or to feel emotional about it. Have you had problems like this with past relationships?

    It sounds like he may not be as sexually driven as you are. Different sex drives can cause problems, if you want sex, but he wants to cuddle, it may make sex feel like a chore for him. To him cuddling could be as emotionally connective as sex. Maybe you need to meet him part way, for every few times you want sex and he just wants to cuddle, just cuddle. Give him a chance to do what he wants to do.

  4. #4
    dte2011

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    thanks for the advice. i find the problem goes deeper though- as i know that my thoughts are irrational! but still cant budge them!!

  5. #5
    dte2011

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    i have never had a relationship like this before, its ridiculous the way i feel. even today, he told me he couldn't make it up to see me for the week and i just burst into tears. keeping my mind off him, does help slightly too, but he's always in the back of it niggling away.
    I think i might resist initiating the bedroom stuff too. give him the opportunity to do it, when he wants it. hopefully i'll get some at some stage!! thanks tho.

  6. #6
    dramallama
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    This is anxiety and it will drive him away. Be a bit selfish and focus on YOURSELF. What do you like to do?

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    hexaemeron

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    Quote Originally Posted by dramallama [Register to see the link]
    This is anxiety and it will drive him away. Be a bit selfish and focus on YOURSELF. What do you like to do?
    Actually, she's being too selfish as it is. All I see from her is I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED. Need without end. She needs to be LESS selfish and realize this relationship isn't just about her needs alone, but his as well.

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    dramallama
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    What I meant was that she needs to find out her own interests, instead of relying on him for happiness. But yes, I agree.

  9. #9
    dte2011

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    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron [Register to see the link]
    Actually, she's being too selfish as it is. All I see from her is I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED. Need without end. She needs to be LESS selfish and realize this relationship isn't just about her needs alone, but his as well.
    I agree with you. I am perhaps being selfish by wanting to be with him more often that he needs to see me, but being selfish shouldn't result in me crying all night and getting angry. I find it hard to concentrate on work because i feel so down all the time and just end up taking it out on him. Right now, it feels that the relationship is focusing on his needs, it is purely down to him when the next time will be that we see eachother.

  10. #10
    dramallama
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    So what? Does it really matter all that much? If he loves you, chances are it wouldn't be too long before he wants to see you again. Right now you aren't giving him the chance to miss you because you are (I would guess) contacting him and clinging on. He needs space. People need space, including people in relationships. Just let go, and enjoy time by yourself. Find your own interests. This isn't even about him, it's about your insecurity but it's stifling and it kills attraction. If you are so frustrated that you cry all night and get angry, perhaps you would benefit from talking to someone to get to the root of the problem.

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