Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: How do i stop obsessing over my boyfriend??

  1. #1
    dte2011

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    4

    How do i stop obsessing over my boyfriend??

    I have been going out with my boyfriend for six months now and recently i have started feeling so obsessed with him. When i'm not with him, I am constantly thinking about him and checking my phone for a text from him. When i don't hear from him, i get so angry at him and emotional. I have been crying a lot lately because i feel so helpless about my feelings and emotions. He's told me so many times that he loves me a lot and considers me to be his best friend. But even this won't change my feelings. When i don't hear from him, or know that he is on a night out with his friends, or when he cancels coming to see me for something else, i feel his love for me is starting to fade, i feel so helpless as i said.. and don't know what to do!!

    Also, in bed....i ALWAYS initiate sex, this was the subject of a recent argument that we had. His answer to this was that sometimes he just likes to cuddle and not for everything to result in sex. But i don't feel that it's like that in the first place, i just love sex and am willing to do it anytime! i love him so much and just feel that he doesn't feel the same sometimes. I'm just so confused and depressed, any advice would be great at this stage

  2. #2
    Capricorn3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    11,212
    Thanked
    1225
    Keep reminding yourself that you are being irrational, by getting angry, over emotional, constantly crying, too much texting, obsessing about every little thing in general, are ALL potential elements to drive him away, forever. If you don't want this to happen, then you know what to do.

  3. #3
    CarnelianButterfly
    Platinum Member CarnelianButterfly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Too far from home
    Age
    35
    Posts
    4,874
    Gender
    Female
    I know how you feel. I catch myself obsessing over my new boyfriend, but I just tell myself to relax. You should have things to do that are not involving your boyfriend. When you find yourself obsessing, start reading the news or a book. Get your mind off your boyfriend and on something that is good for you.

    Its not healthy to be angry when he hasn't contacted you or to feel emotional about it. Have you had problems like this with past relationships?

    It sounds like he may not be as sexually driven as you are. Different sex drives can cause problems, if you want sex, but he wants to cuddle, it may make sex feel like a chore for him. To him cuddling could be as emotionally connective as sex. Maybe you need to meet him part way, for every few times you want sex and he just wants to cuddle, just cuddle. Give him a chance to do what he wants to do.

  4. #4
    dte2011

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    4
    thanks for the advice. i find the problem goes deeper though- as i know that my thoughts are irrational! but still cant budge them!!

  5. #5
    dte2011

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    4
    i have never had a relationship like this before, its ridiculous the way i feel. even today, he told me he couldn't make it up to see me for the week and i just burst into tears. keeping my mind off him, does help slightly too, but he's always in the back of it niggling away.
    I think i might resist initiating the bedroom stuff too. give him the opportunity to do it, when he wants it. hopefully i'll get some at some stage!! thanks tho.

  6. #6
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    This is anxiety and it will drive him away. Be a bit selfish and focus on YOURSELF. What do you like to do?

  7. #7
    hexaemeron

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    BLAM!
    Age
    36
    Posts
    6,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by dramallama [Register to see the link]
    This is anxiety and it will drive him away. Be a bit selfish and focus on YOURSELF. What do you like to do?
    Actually, she's being too selfish as it is. All I see from her is I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED. Need without end. She needs to be LESS selfish and realize this relationship isn't just about her needs alone, but his as well.

  8. #8
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    What I meant was that she needs to find out her own interests, instead of relying on him for happiness. But yes, I agree.

  9. #9
    dte2011

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron [Register to see the link]
    Actually, she's being too selfish as it is. All I see from her is I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED. Need without end. She needs to be LESS selfish and realize this relationship isn't just about her needs alone, but his as well.
    I agree with you. I am perhaps being selfish by wanting to be with him more often that he needs to see me, but being selfish shouldn't result in me crying all night and getting angry. I find it hard to concentrate on work because i feel so down all the time and just end up taking it out on him. Right now, it feels that the relationship is focusing on his needs, it is purely down to him when the next time will be that we see eachother.

  10. #10
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    So what? Does it really matter all that much? If he loves you, chances are it wouldn't be too long before he wants to see you again. Right now you aren't giving him the chance to miss you because you are (I would guess) contacting him and clinging on. He needs space. People need space, including people in relationships. Just let go, and enjoy time by yourself. Find your own interests. This isn't even about him, it's about your insecurity but it's stifling and it kills attraction. If you are so frustrated that you cry all night and get angry, perhaps you would benefit from talking to someone to get to the root of the problem.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
How do I gain his trust back?
I have an amazing boyfriend that I have been with for over 2 1/2yrs. We lived together, had pets together, and were building our lives together. Last
I just can`t trust her (PLEASE HELP ME URGENTLY)
I am married for 2 years, we didn't have much of a relationship before that, we met during my vacations and she got pregnant right after we met. She
Featured Threads
He took my sisters virginity!
Well.. Here goes nothing. I don't have anyone to talk to and hoping to get some insight. My mind is confused and my heart is completely
Dating after working in the sex industry
Hey all, I'm coming out of a difficult time in my life where i worked as a sex worker. I just wanted some opinions on how to handle this when I begin
My boyfriend hangs out one on one with his ex am I right to feel uncomfortable?
Hi everyone, I posted here before about how my boyfriend and his ex are close friends. Long story short, they date for two years, realised they were
What does this mean?
I'm a 24 year old man and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. But I'm feeling like this relationship is built on blind trust
Is this just "The 21st Century Woman?"
For the past 5 years, every woman I've dated (ages 25-32 we'll say) has had to stress to me immediately, before anything gets going, that they are
Venting I guess... I miss having sex.
So... I don't know if there is any real advice that can be given here. But I'm sure people here can at least relate and maybe share their
My boyfriend curses at me but says he's joking?
Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months and while everything has been great so far except that he curses at me but says
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •