Suicide when you are a mother

I know I am being terribly selfish for even thinking of it, but often I feel that it would be for the best that I end my life.

The problem is that I have a child, and I feel guilty thinking about what would happen if I die.

The child is 2 years old. How bad would it be for the child if I died? I mean, would it ever be happy and have a normal life?

The thing is that I realized too late I married the wrong man, and I am hopelessly in love with another that I can never have. I find myself feeling constantly depressed, not able to truly enjoy anything in life - not even my child. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it all, only the slightest noise gets on my nerves(for instance if my child drops a toy, spills food at the table), and I can just walk out of the room.

I realize I am a bad parent because I don't think I have the energy and the positivity required for giving my child the best life possible. Sometimes I cry at night out of sheer pity for my child, knowing that it will suffer if I live, and suffer if I die.

I know I will never be happy with my husband, and I also know that I will never be happy if we divorce - because then I'd be a single mother, which would be horrible both for my child, husband and I. Even if I divorce my husband, I could never have a life with the man I love more than anything. I could never have a life with any other man either because I don't see how I can ever love anyone else, and secondly because who in the world would want a single mom? If anyone ever did want me, I would constantly feel guilty of being a burden to him because I have a child with another man.

My life is just ruined, and I can't seem to do much good alive or dead. Yes, I know the child would be extremely saddened if I kill myself, but what if my husband finds a new wife who has the capacity to be happy? Would not that make my child's life better than if I stay around?

Maybe I should just cross my fingers for an accident to happen to me, so I wont have to think about it, it will just happen.

Its the worst thing in the world to grow up without a mother (through the mothers choice), or with a mother who passed away. My friends mother died when she was 12 because she drank herself to death. My friend has SO many issues because of it, insecurity, abandonment...she is borderline alcoholic too now.

If you married the wrong man. You can divorce him and you can move on with your life. Your child can still have two parents just seperatley.

You sound like you might be depressed. You can't KNOW you'll never be happy. You can only take each day as it comes and hope for the future. No one knows what the future holds, but it is what you make it.

You need to discover...what would make you happy? A certain career? Living in a certain place etc?

And lots of men want single mums. A lot of women I know are single parents and find men who love them AND their kids.

I think you should talk to a counsellor or your doctor. It could help

I was a single mom to not one but four children and I found love.

Your child already has a bond with you, please don't do it.

There are a lot worse things than being a single mother. I was in the exact same situation as you, down to loving a man with all my heart that I could never have. I divorced my husband (and that will feel very good, believe me) found me and then proceeded to live. I went back to school, got a good job and have found a man who loves me for exactly who I am and I love him the same way. We have been together 11 years and the man I thought I couldn't live without? We are casual friends and the thought of even kissing him turns my stomach. Life will get better, but you have to work at it, it doesn't just jump in your lap. I am finishing my grad school thesis and have never been happier. Now, start living your life instead of crying about things! You can do it!!!

I've been suicidal throughout my son's life, and he ultimately the one who ended his. Anyway you need a mental health evaluation. Seek out therapy you will be happier as will your family. If you still feel like you married the wrong man after you've received therapy and treatment then you can make a sound decision about you life.

I've been suicidal throughout my son's life, and he ultimately the one who ended his. Anyway you need a mental health evaluation. Seek out therapy you will be happier as will your family. If you still feel like you married the wrong man after you've received therapy and treatment then you can make a sound decision about you life.

I agree, it is time to get some help so you can learn to value your life and your child's life. Life is never hopeless, you never know what is in store for you around the corner, but you can not sit and wait for it to happen, you have to be proactive and help yourself.

I've known women that aren't cut out for motherhood. None of them committed suicide. They left the child with the father and their family and moved on. At the time I thought it was unbelievable. But knowing what I do now, I really think they did the most honorable thing they could have chosen. At least they did no physical harm to their children and they all grew up and had a pretty healthy and normal childhood.

I would think the best thing is to leave your child in good hands until you get your head together. First things first.

I think you need to go to the doctor - as mentioned on your other thread - you might have post-natal depression. please seek treatment. I grew up without my dad (he died when i was a child) and it is very very hard. Please don't do that to her. You are better off getting a divorce and seeking happiness rather than taking your life.

Hi,

I'm not adding anything really new to this thread except a bit of personal history, but i also want to urge you to please talk to someone. Even if you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor or a counsellor right away, please talk to someone.

My father killed himself when I was 9. (I'm 24 now). It was incredibly hard on my mom and me. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel "normal" and understand why he left us. I am better now but struggled with depression and an eating disorder for years. Even today I still have feelings of abandonment and guilt that I did something wrong, even though I was a child. In response to your question, I think it would be nearly impossible for a child whose parent committed suicide to not struggle.

I know you must love your child and many other people in this world a lot. Many people love you too. Please talk to someone.

Sending your warm thoughts.

I was a single mom to not one but four children and I found love.

 

Your child already has a bond with you, please don't do it.

Wow! You are truly lucky. I guess I am one of those people with really low self-esteem, and I would never be able to "put myself out there" as a single mother. Whether I get a divorce or not, love is a past chapter in my life.

I'm glad you were able to find love again. Sometimes I hope that I can feel the same way about the man I can never have as you do about yours, maybe then I could live a normal life.

There is no one in my life I can talk to about this, no one. That is why I write on here. I know it's sad. I am afraid to go see a psychiatrist or counselor, as I fear they will judge me harshly. I honestly doubt I will ever be able to sit accross from a person like that, and be able to actually tell them how unhappy and hopeless I truly feel. Knowing me, if I ever went to talk to someone professional, I'd probably sugarcoat it all, and get advice based on the fake version of the story I will present.

I also grew up with one parent (my father died when I was 8), and I had a happy and normal childhood. I realize it can't really be compared to having a parent commit suicide though, but at least I know from personal experience that a single parent household can work out fine.

I've been suicidal throughout my son's life, and he ultimately the one who ended his. Anyway you need a mental health evaluation. Seek out therapy you will be happier as will your family. If you still feel like you married the wrong man after you've received therapy and treatment then you can make a sound decision about you life.

Sorry to hear your son ended his life. I have no idea how sad that must have been, and is.

I really don't think any therapy in the world would make me love my husband again, I know in my heart and mind he is not the one, and never will be.

Well, how can I ever be happy when I can never have the love of my life and have a chid with a man I don't even love? Even if I get a divorce, I still cannot have that other man, plus I'd be a single mother. I feel glad when I read and hear stories of single mothers that find love and happiness, but I just don't think that will ever happen to me because when I can't have the man I love more than anything, any other man would just be a poor substitute and make me more miserable than even living in a loveless marriage or alone.

The thing is that the rest of my life is fine: I love my job, my siblings, mother, nieces, nephews and the few good friends I have, where I live.

Sometimes I think that one solution would be if my husband, child and I lived quite close to the man I love, so I could have a neverending affair with him. He never wants kids, so if I could live close enough to be with him from time to time as his lover, I think that could bring me the most happiness possible considering the circumstances. But that is just a fantasy that never ever can come true.

I think you need to go to the doctor - as mentioned on your other thread - you might have post-natal depression. please seek treatment. I grew up without my dad (he died when i was a child) and it is very very hard. Please don't do that to her. You are better off getting a divorce and seeking happiness rather than taking your life.

As I replied to someone else advicing me to seek help; I know it would not be much point in it. I am so afraid to be judged, that I probably could not bring myself to tell the whole story, or even the truth. It's only here, under anonymity, I am able to tell things as they are.

Therapist and counselors are not there to judge. That is not their role. Their role is to help you work out your feelings and help you.

I agree, it is time to get some help so you can learn to value your life and your child's life. Life is never hopeless, you never know what is in store for you around the corner, but you can not sit and wait for it to happen, you have to be proactive and help yourself.

I do try to think like that (that I never know what is in store around the corner), but then I snap back to reality and think about the fact that I have a child and so I can never "start over." Sometimes I feel guilty for wishing my child did not exist, and I could be free and happy, maybe even the man I cannot have would have been within my reach then. Now, if I divorce, only utter loneliness and unhappiness awaits, because of all the millions of men available, the only one I want is unattainable and I cannot imagine being able to live through life thinking about him and never getting to be his.

Therapist and counselors are not there to judge. That is not their role. Their role is to help you work out your feelings and help you.

I know. But I feel my story is so insane and sick that I cannot look a person in the eyes and say it all.

I've known women that aren't cut out for motherhood. None of them committed suicide. They left the child with the father and their family and moved on. At the time I thought it was unbelievable. But knowing what I do now, I really think they did the most honorable thing they could have chosen. At least they did no physical harm to their children and they all grew up and had a pretty healthy and normal childhood.

 

I would think the best thing is to leave your child in good hands until you get your head together. First things first.

I know this is selfish, but I don't think I'd be able to just "move on" and never see my child again. I'd wonder about what would happen in the child's life, so it would be easier to just die and then I'd not suffer and hate myself and the world.

I know. But I feel my story is so insane and sick that I cannot look a person in the eyes and say it all.

But is it not insane. I did not judge you at all. I am not a therapist and I did not judge. Why would a therapist? My husband has never been judged by any mental health worker about his issues. Really I am interested that you sort out your feelings and feel better about yourself and your child. It has to be very sad for the both of you.

I know this is selfish, but I don't think I'd be able to just "move on" and never see my child again. I'd wonder about what would happen in the child's life, so it would be easier to just die and then I'd not suffer and hate myself and the world.

Minerva, I didn't mean never see your child again. I just meant if you have someone that would help you out for awhile, your husband's family possibly, then after you work on yourself you could rebuild the relationship. I've seen that happen with LOTS of people, truly. And even if the children can't understand when they are young, eventually they will learn you were only protecting them.

I think that part of the reason why you can't love your husband is because of this other man. Because your husband is not him, you refuse to even try. Some of us do marry the "wrong" person, but they are not the 'wrong" person because we chose them, and they chose us. They just might not who we envisioned marrying. BTW, sometimes we have the grass is greener syndrome. If you were actually with the other guy, you might be thinking there was someone else out there. I seriously would talk to your doc about post partum depression and I would also seek counseling or a support group. I think it might NOT be a good idea to have someone take the child awhile like Miss Firecracker says, because the child gives you a purpose and makes you think twice about ending it all.

I think that part of the reason why you can't love your husband is because of this other man. Because your husband is not him, you refuse to even try. Some of us do marry the "wrong" person, but they are not the 'wrong" person because we chose them, and they chose us. They just might not who we envisioned marrying. BTW, sometimes we have the grass is greener syndrome. If you were actually with the other guy, you might be thinking there was someone else out there. I seriously would talk to your doc about post partum depression and I would also seek counseling or a support group. I think it might NOT be a good idea to have someone take the child awhile like Miss Firecracker says, because the child gives you a purpose and makes you think twice about ending it all.

It is not because of this other man that I don't love my husband. Why should I try to love him again when I know I never will? It would be a complete waste of time and energy.

Sometimes I feel angry because my child exists to begin with, because the father is the wrong person for me. I know it it awful, but it is NOT a case of the grass is greener syndrome.

Minerva,

This sentence really bothered me.

"The child is 2 years old. How bad would it be for the child if I died? I mean, would it ever be happy and have a normal life?"

Anytime a mother calls her child IT, I shiver.

You really should get help right away.

I think this was WAY over the line. I use "it" for anonymity.