Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Sexual Anxiety? Can't get an erection?

  1. #1
    lover12333

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    4

    Sexual Anxiety? Can't get an erection?

    I've been having this issue for the past few months now, whenever i'm with a girl, i can't get an erection. This has got to be the most awkward and most embarrassing feeling for a man to experience.

    I recently just turned 18 years old, and I am far too young for this to be a physical problem. Every morning I wakeup with hard morning wood, and it stays until i get out of bed.

    I have just recently started dating this girl that i have been moving slow with to avoid this EXACT situation, and it happened again today. Every since the first time this happened, it has been constantly on my mind, that i can't get hard.

    This led me to do some research, and I've self-diagnosed that it must be sexual anxiety. To my knowledge, this means that because i'm always worried that i won't be hard when i need to, my mind won't let me be hard.

    Does anyone else has this problem or know more about it? This is the worst possible thing in my relationships lately. SEX is a HUGE part of highschool/college life.

    Tips to keep my mind straight and not always be worried about getting an erection.

    All help is welcome.. I hope no one else has to experience this curse.

  2. #2
    FathomFear
    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    36
    Posts
    4,646
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2
    When this happens do your find yourself obsessing over your "performance"? Or do you believe you're relaxing and just trying to enjoy the moment?

  3. #3
    corrin
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    213
    It's just performance anxiety. Everyone goes through it at some. If you get erections in your sleep and the morning, it's unlikely that there is something physically wrong with you. Just try and relax and enjoy.

  4. #4
    lover12333

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear [Register to see the link]
    When this happens do your find yourself obsessing over your "performance"? Or do you believe you're relaxing and just trying to enjoy the moment?
    I believe that i'm obsessing over my performance. This whole thing is on my mind all the time, I need to find something else to think about ?

  5. #5
    WockaWocka
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,811
    Thanked
    1
    As a woman who's had a few experiences with this, I'd say the worst thing you could do is to get so upset over it that you halt all activity. Try to carry on. If you get hard in the morning then what happens when you're with a woman is just a temporary setback. Keep making out, touching, kissing, caressing, etc.... If your mouth and fingers still work then there's no reason you can't still give her a lot of pleasure! you could also let her try giving you a bj or handjob and presumably even if you didn't get hard you'd still feel pleasure.

    I predict that carrying on with activity regardless may also have the pleasant side effect that you get hard. I've seen it happen a few times. A guy continues to enjoy all the other ways to give and receive pleasure and .. boom! But even if this doesn't happen, you can still make it a night for her to remember - and that's super sexy!

    Cheers.

  6. #6
    Ministottie
    Member Ministottie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    England
    Posts
    30
    Gender
    Female
    My boyfriend currently has this issue, and decided to stop everything so we no longer had any sexual contact and that is the WORST way to go about it. I would completely agree with Wocka! Just keep trying, try not to let it embarress you if it isn't working and move on to a different type of pleasuring

    Don't treat it like the end of the world as my partner did, it always ends badly.

  7. #7
    lover12333

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    4
    Thanks for the advice Wocka, and Mini. I really appreciate all the help, I just need to put all this into action.
    What do y'all think of taking pills?

  8. #8
    WockaWocka
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,811
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by lover12333 [Register to see the link]
    What do y'all think of taking pills?
    I don't think you need them. There are two basic types of ED: physical and psychological. The best indicator of which one you have is if you can ever get hard by yourself or with porn. Since you said you have morning wood it seems like your physical equipment must be in working order. You could check with your doc to be sure. But it's very possible that if you stay in the sexual situation with your gf long enough without feeling performance anxiety then you will get hard on your own, assuming you're sufficiently aroused.

    Speaking of arousal, what if you watch porn by yourself - do you get hard? If so you could try looking at it right before things get steamy, or if she's not threatened by it you could bring a dvd or magazine into the bedroom with you.

    If you frequently masturbate you could also try stopping for a few days until you're with her, that way you'll be *much* more sensitive to the slightest stimulation. Just something to try out, as difficult as it may be!!

    But the bottom line is that even if you don't get hard you can still give her a lot of pleasure. Lesbians around the world manage to please their partners even without equipment... so can you! (And hopefully she will reciprocate).

  9. #9
    lover12333

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    4
    Yeah whenever i watch porn i do get hard. Recently I have stopped masturbating for the same reason as you said, easier arousal.

    Thanks again for all your help its so much more helpful if i have someone to talk to about this!

  10. #10
    Glowguy
    Platinum Member Glowguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,108
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    8
    I've been through this and actually struggled with it for a long time. My initial experiences were not good at all and the embarassment really set me back. In some ways I feel like I've never been able to enjoy sex as much as most people but it has gotten much better. It's just performance anxiety and I agree with the other posters. Avoiding sex is absolutely the worst approach to take. Confronting the situation head on will make you more confident and help you get over it much faster. My advice is to find a supportive partner who won't judge you or react poorly when it happens. Be up front with her about it. Try meditation or tea to clear your mind before doing the deed. Reading up on anxiety will help too.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Should I Tell Her I'm a Virgin?
Hi everyone, I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now. Everything is somehow going very well - I use the word "somehow" because i'm a
My bf is very...non-physical
Rarely do we ever kiss, hug, cuddle. We have sex 2-3 times a month. Have only had sex in our bed, an that is also the only time he will freely
Husband Won't Go Down on Me
SO.....when we first started dating I gave him oral and he didn't return, I never had oral from a guy, or a girl,,lol,,,but I just thought since we
I have no interest in having any form of intimacy with my boyfriend.
Hi, first ever post on here - I'm just in need of some advice on something. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 29 - we have been together for almost a
With the fiancÚ
So we are getting hitched in July I reckon. I'm not going to lie our sex life hasn't been all that great the past few months, I understand that w/
Gentlemanly/shy guy feeling inept with initiating sex
We have been dating only 2 1/2 months, and have taken things intentionally slow. So we are just now getting to the "getting intimate" stage. We've
Did my Military Husband Cheat on Me?
Hello again! I have another question I would love to get advice on. So.....my husband was caught texting a coworker. How did I catch him you ask?
Featured Threads
Ugly pictures
We had a professional photographer come in at work. I used the photo and put it on my dating profile. But when my Roomie saw it,she said take it
Not being "too" available.
I posted a few days ago about the younger guy I've been dating for 6 months and how he doesn't want to use BG/GF labels. I got some great feedback
I am having difficulty accepting my boyfriends bisexuality for no reason
So here goes; the main reason why I got this account here is probably because I am so ashamed of myself and that because I am surrounded by either
relationship advice
hi... I'll start by saying i'm a guy, i just really needed a woman's point of view for this, so i hope you can help me! My mom is paying for my
Seeing ex tomorrow..so confused. Need advice!
Hi everyone. I'm really confused with my ex. Dated two years; he was very hurt by the breakup. He hasn't dated many people, and I was his first
Needing advice and/or support with ex girlfriend
Ok. Long story short... I ended up in a serious relationship with my best friend of 7 years. The last 3 years of which we were in a serious
I really need some advice and a outside opinion
I really don't know what to do ... My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now she is no longer attracted to me but tells me she loves
Ask For Advice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •