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Thread: the alcoholic's side of the break up

  1. #11
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    Today I talked to her. As so many have said, yeah, she cant risk getting hurt again. She was the reason I decided to do this. But im afraid getting back with her wont happen. I know it wont. Today, she really let it out to me. All the times she needed me and had her friends come because I wasn't there. The times I broke up. I wish I could take it back, but the truth is, I ruined a beautiful relationship to a woman that I love. I can never make up for it. I turned to this drinking because I didn't know how to cope with my daughter getting taken to Japan w/my ex and held against my will. But, in the end, it was me who made that decision to turn to destroying myself, and those around me. Trust me, I want to drink so badly rite now, but I wont. All its done is bring ireversable damage. I am a carding person. But I messed up. I need to face it and deal with it. There's no easy way out. 3 years of putting her through this. And now, she loves me, but she's gone. It's the price I have to pay. I don't have the rite to ask her back. Not after the hurt I put her through. It's my last apology. I will never give up and go back to the horrible person I was. I will change, regardless of heart ache, sadness, lonlyness, hating what I did. If I don't change, my loss was for nothing. Its just so hard to keep moving.

  2. #12
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    I do want to thank you all though for taking the time to read my thread. I guess it helps me to at least voice this to you and have someone listen and even reply. I feel like I woke up from a bad dream since I came to my own realization. I wish it was as easy as catching my breath. I have others to be here for, and as silly as that sounds, I want to be there for my ex, as long as she doesn't decide to push me out completely. So, as much as I want to crawl under a rock and cry my eyes out, I know I have to learn and keep on moving. I've been through tough things in my life, but this by far is the worst. Im just happy she isn't getting hurt by me anymore.

  3. #13
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    Stay strong. It's pretty common for family and lovers of an alcoholic to be resentful. Not sure how long you've been sober, but it can take a long time for the people around you to start trusting that you're going to stay that way. Make yourself proud, do right by them, and over time things will start to fall into a better place.

    Head high.

  4. #14
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    Yeah, I guess I am atleast proud that I'm not going back into the destructive cycle of things. Taking a break from my thesis that's due tomorrow, my daughter is patiently waiting for my homework to be done. Ultametly though, I'm never going to be ok with this.

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  6. #15
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    i didnt really think about it until now, the second time i broke up with her, was because when we were both drunk, we got into an argument and she punched me in the face... twice... then kicked me when i turned. she was very appologetic the next day. i told her i needed @ least 2 weeks to figgure it out. i still wasnt ready to fully be with her because i still needed some time. she told me i had to make a decision, i told her i wanted to work it out, but REALLY needed a little time. she said either we are back, or we break up. so i said then that she was making the decision because there was no way i could just be back that fast. months later, we got back. i was with someone else for a little bit while we were broken up. i can fully understand she is upset by that. i would be hurt by it too. the last fight, she tells people that i was so angry that she thought i would become physical. now lots of them believe im like that. i havent hit a female since kindegarden. honestly, the thought never crossed my mind...we still talk, its up and down, im actually checking myself and waiting, chainging, what the hell do i do?

  7. #16
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    Concentrate on your own recovery. Leave her out of your decision making process for now. This sounds a very unhealthy relationship which risks putting your recovery in jeopardy if you continue to focus on it. Don't start any other relationships, either.

    You need at least a year of sobriety before starting any significant relationships - you really, really do!

  8. #17
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    i need to tell her this, unless it really is over, but i dont want her to think that i am pointing the finger making an excuse for my behaviore...

  9. #18
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    ill deffinatly consider this.

  10. #19
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    Just explain that you are serious about your recovery, and that the advice is not to have any significant relationships within the first year. That's not pointing the finger at anyone; it's just letting her know you're in earnest.

  11. #20
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    Yeah nutbrown, I think you're write.

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