Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 42

Thread: "3 times a week, that's a lot!"

  1. #21
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    160
    Gender
    Male
    Pinky, what I presented was a counter to your argument. If you say that emotional connection alone is enough to marry, without firsthand knowledge of sexual compatibility (and no, that cannot be accurately estimated without actually having sex with the person), then I make the counterpoint that it follows from your contention that sexual compatibility alone is also enough to marry, without firsthand knowledge of emotional connection.
    Which of course is absolutely not the case.
    True, couples must work toward total sexual satisfaction with each other, but there are many couples that will NEVER attain sexual satisfaction, no matter how hard they work toward it. Many people are not sexually compatible with each other, and in many cases there is no way to know this without actually having sex.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    31
    Posts
    2,041
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by pinkelephant
    I have a strong feeling that she was shy and perhaps lying about the whole oral sex/69 thing.
    You'd be surprised... I was raised in a VERY religious and conservative home. While I picked up on most sex terms just by paying attention putting two and two together, my sister (while engaged, no less) still didn't even quite understand how it all "worked."

    Anyway, liars aside (people who are trying to trap you into marriage or do not reveal that they have no sexual feelings whatsoever), I believe that it is totally possible to discover if you are sexually compatible before having sex. Before getting married (we waited to have sex), my husband and I had already discussed every aspect of sex. Of course it's not the same as actually doing it, but we talked openly and freely about our expectations. We both knew he'd have the higher sex drive, but that it wasn't a big enough difference to really mess things us. Even though I probably had a worse experience than 95% of girls during my "first time," we are doing just fine now. We were both really committed to making it work, and we knew we would be because of our previous conversations. And trust me, it'll fit. Eventually.

    OP, I think the bigger problem is that she shies away from talking about sex in a serious way. My parents pretty much never had sex when I was growing up, so I would have been surprised by the idea of three times a week at some point as well. Are you guys quite serious? If you are starting to think about getting engaged, you really do need to discuss this kind of thing. Maybe her lack of willingness to discuss it is a sign of incompatibility in and of itself.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    160
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Firiel
    I believe that it is totally possible to discover if you are sexually compatible before having sex. Before getting married (we waited to have sex), my husband and I had already discussed every aspect of sex. Of course it's not the same as actually doing it, but we talked openly and freely about our expectations. We both knew he'd have the higher sex drive, but that it wasn't a big enough difference to really mess things us. Even though I probably had a worse experience than 95% of girls during my "first time," we are doing just fine now. We were both really committed to making it work, and we knew we would be because of our previous conversations. And trust me, it'll fit. Eventually.
    I don't know... Too much of a gamble for me. I don't take such risks.
    There is no 100% guarantee that it will "fit" eventually, for example. Some girls are incredibly tight, no matter how wet and and turned on.
    Also, many people "know" that they will love sex and be so sexual because they are such horny virgins who think about it non-stop. Because they believe it so strongly themselves, they're just as shocked as you are when they start having sex and realize they can't handle it. Many girls suddenly have horrific emotional responses to the loss of virginity that they never overcome, even with counseling, and many of these girls honestly thought beforehand that they were ready for sex.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    31
    Posts
    2,041
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by vilos
    I don't know... Too much of a gamble for me. I don't take such risks.
    There is no 100% guarantee that it will "fit" eventually, for example. Some girls are incredibly tight, no matter how wet and and turned on.
    Also, many people "know" that they will love sex and be so sexual because they are such horny virgins who think about it non-stop. Because they believe it so strongly themselves, they're just as shocked as you are when they start having sex and realize they can't handle it. Many girls suddenly have horrific emotional responses to the loss of virginity that they never overcome, even with counseling, and many of these girls honestly thought beforehand that they were ready for sex.
    It's fine if it's too much of a gamble for you.

    I don't want to go into the gory details because... well, ewww... but I think my experience is enough to guarantee that 99.9999999% of the time, it'll fit. And you know what? My bad first experience(s) was (were) tough to overcome. But we made it there. Even things like... ah, I can't remember what it's called, but where female muscles contract and cause pain upon intercourse, can be dealt with through physical therapy. And when it comes to not understanding your own sexual drive, a lot of it depends on really knowing yourself. I have always been very self-aware, so I knew I was not fooling myself. Two mature people who are prepared for compromise and difficulty and who are self-aware should not have an insurmountable problem should they choose to wait for sex till marriage.

    But... I understand people not wanting to wait for marriage, especially when religion is not a factor. I don't blame you in the slightest for not waiting. It is, however, a viable alternative if both people are okay with it.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    160
    Gender
    Male
    No argument that physically it always SHOULD be able to fit, but some girls, no matter how much they want it and how turned on they are, will never be able to loosen those muscles enough.
    Therapy does not solve all problems.

    Agree that everything depends on the people involved and what they want.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    31
    Posts
    2,041
    Gender
    Female
    The odds of a girl being unable to loosen her muscles enough to have decent sex even with the help of physical and psychological therapy are very small. You could also choose not to get married to someone because they may get into a terrible accident and be unable to have sex for the rest of his/her life, but the odds are low enough that it's not something you really consider.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    160
    Gender
    Male
    OK. I'll tell that to the 3 women I can think of off the top of my head who are incapable of inserting an average-sized or larger penis, even after years of counseling.
    I hope that will change everything for them and they will FINALLY get to enjoy normal sex.

    On the other end of the spectrum, also remember that the complete opposite might apply. Many people are convinced they'll hate sex, that they'll be terrible at it, etc. but they realize after finally having sex (or after finally having sex with the right person) that their concerns were unfounded.
    I've known plenty of girls who were disgusted by the thought of sex as virgins but did a complete 180 after they became sexually active, as well as sexually active girls who hated sex because they had only been with incompatitble partners, and upon finding the right guy changed their opinions.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Firiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    31
    Posts
    2,041
    Gender
    Female
    Then you know a statistically unlikely number of women who suffer from vaginismus.

    Vaginismus is not a common problem. It affects fewer than two percent of women in the United States.
    link removed

    And that's all women who have it, including those that can overcome it with counseling and/or physical therapy.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Day_Walker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    California
    Age
    37
    Posts
    7,323
    Gender
    Male
    If you want to have sex more than three times a week then this girl isnt for you.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Age
    29
    Posts
    15,335
    Gender
    Female
    No pre-martial sex or not, I think it's very clear already that you guys are NOT going to have the same sex drives.

    You think it's fine 3x a week and healthy. She thinks it's "a lot". Plus she wants to wait til marriage. She's definitely on the low end.

    I wouldn't marry her if I were you.

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •