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Thread: Men, Do You View Sex As Separate From Love & Emotions?

  1. #31

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    I prefer sex without the complication of a relationship or an entanglement. Less judgment, less expectation, more freedom, no attachment. It's the perfect distillation of enjoyment without all the heinous emotional guerrilla warfare of "Where is this going?" "Show me you're serious"

    Gag.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by lerira
    I know this isn't necessarily true. But I am curious to see how MEN think of sex: Do you view it as simply a physical act or do you view it as an extension of love? Or can you think both ways?



    So maybe some men just want the carnal pleasures out of sex and others want both?
    For some men, it evolves over time.

    I know that before I met my wife, it was just an act.....an emotionless act that was about pure gratification.

    Then I met "the one" and truthfully, the first time with her was basically two adults having fun for a night. She was the best I had ever been with on a physical level.

    Over the next few weeks, we fell in love. Sixteen years later, we still call each other soulmate.

    And for me, our lovemaking escalated on emotional levels that I never could have imagined. As good as she was that first night, it's nothing compared to how she is now that we have made and maintained that emotional connection as husband and wife.

    To put it bluntly: it's pure bliss when we make love. So far above what "emotionless" sex was that it is hard to put in words.

    Hope this helps you out.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Circe~'s Avatar
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    Love is an emotion and sex is a physical act. They might be reinforcing on each other in the sense that having one makes the experience of the other better - but of course they are separate things.

    And I can't imagine its just men who can think that way. I'm not really sure how you can say they are not separate things.

  4. #34
    Gold Member FrogIsFree's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lerira
    My boyfriend told me
    that's just your boyfriend's point of view.. but men I have spoken to both in and out of relationships see `pleasure' as part of an emotional connection with a woman, and by definition a man might say that sex gives him joy and pleasure and that love and emotion doesn't have to have anything to do with it, but joy and pleasure are are emotions - so there is by definition no detachment.. This involves a guy working out if he can control his emotions to not feel something for a woman he wants to have sex with in a "no strings attached" kind of a way but then again, he might find himself in a scenario that is less black and white than that and falling for the woman he intended to have sex without feeling any love or affection for her.

    So to go back to what you specifically asked: you in part already answered your own question: some men just want the (physical `get off' pleasures of sex without `loving someone' and others want more, but the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive from one another, it's just that the man might have decided he is going to take a detached approach, not let his emotions get in the way or get the better of him.. but whether that means they are separate is a debatable matter -no matter how much a man may insist that they are.

    He is entitled to say they are separate, but I think it is debatable. That's my opinion, noone has to agree.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tiredofvampires
    But the flip side of that is that the more one separates the emotional from the physical, the more partners one will tend to have.

    I think that's how it starts out.
    My ex was like this...after we broke up a year ago she has slept with about 9 other guys. She liked them at some level but for her it was all about the excitement and sex.

  7. #36
    Gold Member FrogIsFree's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Live-N-Learn
    My ex was like this...after we broke up a year ago she has slept with about 9 other guys. She liked them at some level but for her it was all about the excitement and sex.
    My x too.. and after a while, it was like a drug until he started to come full circle and reconnect with his emotions and realise it was like a drug, because he said it was about not having to have any emotional responsibility.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FrogIsFree
    My x too.. and after a while, it was like a drug until he started to come full circle and reconnect with his emotions and realise it was like a drug, because he said it was about not having to have any emotional responsibility.
    Yeah, she has even said.."what's wrong with me, I think I'm a sex addict". She will figure it out someday. I know she has been hurt a lot in the past so she has learned to disconnect her emotions from the act of sex. She def likes sex though, it is like a drug to her.

  9. #38
    Gold Member FrogIsFree's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Live-N-Learn
    Yeah, she has even said.."what's wrong with me, I think I'm a sex addict". She will figure it out someday. I know she has been hurt a lot in the past so she has learned to disconnect her emotions from the act of sex. She def likes sex though, it is like a drug to her.
    Yep, can concede there, my x admitted `he couldn't help himself' and that emotional disconnection was prevalent in his family and virtually every member of his family had dysfunctional relationships so he saw himself as failed before he even got there and to him just sex meant he didn't have to care and pay any emotional prices.. he got more and more unhealthy over many years and viewed it as a way to express his anger for being emotionally barren - the reality was the anger was the lid on the rest of it - he used sex to keep the lid on what was beneath the lid..

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