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Thread: Men, Do You View Sex As Separate From Love & Emotions?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sparkly Eyes
    Well, some people think having emotions means wanting commitment. But you can meet someone on a vacation, spend a couple of days with them and feel comfortable enough to have sex with them, and it wouldn't be emotionless. I totally could do that, but some people still would call that casual sex (which it is in a way) and separating emotions from sex.
    Yeah, that's the kind of thing I can't envision myself doing. Just fling-type stuff with people where you don't know them at all and you'll never see eachother again.

    Trying to flesh that scene out, I see myself face-to-woodgrain with one of the bedposts while I'm flipped over and thinking, "Why again did this seem like such a great idea?"

    But that's just me.

  2. #22

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    Originally Posted by tiredofvampires
    Yeah, that's the kind of thing I can't envision myself doing. Just fling-type stuff with people where you don't know them at all and you'll never see eachother again.
    hmmm, you can't say that you don't know them at all...A few years ago, I went on a trip and met a guy who was also from another country. We spent a couple of days together exploring the city. We couldn't do anything because he had a girl friend, so we stayed completely platonic. But at the end of the second day, I felt such an amazing bond with him, we had so much in common and we talked about a lot of different topics and well, he was very attractive. If he was single, I probably wouldn't have minded sleeping with him.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    I'd have to really be in that situation to know for sure. In rare instances, I've met people who after a few hours I felt I'd known a whole lifetime...which is a bit mystical. And that might change things.

    But that's an extraordinary type of situation. I'm talking about the more common, run-of-the-mill situation of just hanging out at the bar with someone and just deciding my primary need is to get laid, and asking him to my place (or going to his). Nay on that.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
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    I'm female and to me, sex can be fun or sex can be a deeply romantic, loving, experience. I usually feel the first. It's hard for me to connect love with sex. though I have in the past. Even with my bf, we have sex, we don't make love. Love is how we treat each other OUTSIDE of bed. I think he treats me better than a lot of guys who act all romantic in bed and then act like complete a**holes after. It's easier to come when you take emotion out of it, too. I've had guys tell me I'm like a guy when it comes to sex. Whatever.

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  6. #25
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    I agree with Sparkly Eyes - I once went on a trip to Japan, met this great girl and explored the town for the day before being separated.. Spent the next week and half searching for her in the country, through FB updates and arranging meetup in other cities. Our schedule finally matched for one day. I spent an 4 hr train ride to meetup and we spent the next 16 hrs together enjoying a festival. We slept (PG) under the stars, and given the opportunity (hotels were all booked nearby) probably would've made Love, and I would be open to a LDR as we were both leaving for home, which was the same country, just opposite side.

    Maybe it would've been 'casual sex' at the beginning, but there was a ton of emotions there and it was something I definitely wanted to develop into something more.

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by thejigsup
    I'm female and to me, sex can be fun or sex can be a deeply romantic, loving, experience. I usually feel the first. It's hard for me to connect love with sex. though I have in the past. Even with my bf, we have sex, we don't make love. Love is how we treat each other OUTSIDE of bed. I think he treats me better than a lot of guys who act all romantic in bed and then act like complete a**holes after. It's easier to come when you take emotion out of it, too. I've had guys tell me I'm like a guy when it comes to sex. Whatever.
    Ok, this is when it gets tricky. I don't need love to cum...cumming is all about dirty thoughts and physical pleasure for me. However, I need emotions to feel comfortable to have sex in the first place, otherwise my mind wanders around too much for me to be able to enjoy sex. Sex with someone you love is the best because you really trust them, are at ease, and can show your true horny self.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by lerira

    I've never had one night stands, or a friends with benefits, nor do those appeal to me. I think I'd feel empty inside, particularly if I've had sex with a stranger!
    ?
    I am a male who ties emotion with sex. Out of all the guy friends and relatives I know, I only know one other guy who "walks" with the same mentality. I say "walk" because some men claim to be not interested in one night stands but when the situation is put in front of them they "slip."

    Almost all my buddies are very good at seducing women. My luck is horrible. They have told me because I need to think about "laying her instead of knowing her...change your approach to just lay her and things will turn around for you."

    I am very handsome, smart and all of the above (I can cook too, lol) but for some reason... I am fascinated to know how a lady feels, her opinions, views and beliefs. I guess quality over quantity! This actually makes many women I approach uncomfortable because its not the norm from what they likely experience and a part of me understands that. I once was approached to have a one night stand with a hot lady but I turned her down! I feel the same as you do... no emotional connection will make me feel so empty and a waste of time.

    Physical beauty means a lot to me though but sexual and emotional connection are tied together. Hopefully I will find a women who shares the same views as yours but men who think like me are out there.

    If you saw me, you would think I was a some kind of person who parties and does tons of crazy stuff! I DO but sleeping around, having FWB or anything beyond drinking isn't part of it... lol

  9. #28
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
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    I'm not a guy, but sex started out for me as purely physical, and it wasn't until I learned to associate love and sex that it became an emotional thing for me.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    I know my fiance does not enjoy sex outside of a relationship. For him, those work hand in hand. He wants the emotional & physical connection together. He tried a one night stand and hated himself for it at how cheap and empty it felt.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by tiredofvampires
    That's exactly what I'm saying. You and I are agreeing in our statements. First: the heart shuts down (for whatever reason) and then from there, it becomes a physical quest (which then becomes easier to come by, as you say.)

    Having never had casual sex (where my emotions weren't involved in any way), it's not something I feel completely qualified to speak to. I don't judge those who do it, morally. But I do question how they got there in the sense that something needs to be disengaged for this to happen in the first place.

    How such an intimate act turns into pure recreation is not something I have ever really been able to wrap my mind around.

    I don't see how I could behave in a passionate way without having passion for the man I'm doing this with.
    From what I have seen, the heart shuts off after it has been broken. In short, once the person has been hurt once, or twice, or enough times to "get it," they stop caring about others and go get theirs without any thought about the other person. I can see how it develops. Eventually, the person gets to the point that they understand that the sex felt great but it was that person who hurt so much, so they simply stop feeling for the person they are with and simply treat them as a sex object to satisfy their urges in that moment and then get them out of their life as simple as yesterday's newspaper. It's not men, it's not women, it's the current flavor of this era we're in...Disposable Partners, to be used once and then discarded just like everything else. Because we don't have time for anything serious, nor energy nor space to mentally carry around something large and bulky which might conflict with our minimalistic interior decor.

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