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Thread: Men, Do You View Sex As Separate From Love & Emotions?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ProtestTheHero's Avatar
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    I haven't been with a bunch of women, but I've been in a situation where I was getting with someone I wasn't really invested in and I've been in a situation where I was having sex with the only woman I've ever told I loved.

    To me, sex is nothing more than an expression of something. Sometimes that's love and sometimes it's something else. Just how I feel.

  2. #12
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    I haven't been with a bunch of women, either, compared to players--but I also view sex as being separate from love and emotion. They can be connected sometimes, and it makes it different, but not any better or worse, IMHO.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lerira
    I agree. But didn't you feel empty inside? I mean, I know it's pleasurable but didn't it feel weird at the same time? The person you're having casual sex with doesn't really care for you. He's using your vagina in the literal sense with no care for your feelings.

    I'd feel empty and bad for myself.
    No it doesn't not for me. Sex with someone I love is better. But I don't sleep with people I don't enjoy being around. You can care about a person and not want to be in a relaitonship with them. You can care and not be in love. I also don't think he is using me unless I'm not getting anything out of it. Most people (at least my sex partners and I would HOPE most people) when having sex with someone else _wants_ them to enjoy it.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lonewing
    The more sex a human has, the more partners a human has, the easier it becomes to separate the emotional from the physical.
    But the flip side of that is that the more one separates the emotional from the physical, the more partners one will tend to have.

    I think that's how it starts out.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by tiredofvampires
    But the flip side of that is that the more one separates the emotional from the physical, the more partners one will tend to have.

    I think that's how it starts out.
    I do not believe this happens until after the action has been done. The behavior is learned - and it contradicts the behavior that is taught to most of us throughout our formative years [monogamous relaitonships]. I think it starts when a couple relationships in the early years go sour - one or two bad girlfriends/boyfriends, and all the idealistic stuff goes right out the window. Basically, the heart has to turn off first, and after that, it's no contest; with more and more practice, it becomes easier and easier to use other people and move on quickly.

  7. #16
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    I dated a couple of girls (not at the same time), and I knew I didn't love them when we had sex. I had to 'power' my way through...

    I have had sex with girls I was in love with, and it was amazing every time.

    I would never have sex/make love with anyone ever again unless I was in Love with her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lonewing
    Basically, the heart has to turn off first, and after that, it's no contest; with more and more practice, it becomes easier and easier to use other people and move on quickly.
    That's exactly what I'm saying. You and I are agreeing in our statements. First: the heart shuts down (for whatever reason) and then from there, it becomes a physical quest (which then becomes easier to come by, as you say.)

    Having never had casual sex (where my emotions weren't involved in any way), it's not something I feel completely qualified to speak to. I don't judge those who do it, morally. But I do question how they got there in the sense that something needs to be disengaged for this to happen in the first place.

    How such an intimate act turns into pure recreation is not something I have ever really been able to wrap my mind around.

    I don't see how I could behave in a passionate way without having passion for the man I'm doing this with.
    Last edited by tiredofvampires; 03-07-2011 at 01:08 AM.

  9. #18

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    Personally, I think I only can have sex with people I have some emotional connection with. I have never tried it without any kind of emotions, so maybe I can do that too. Sometimes you never know unless you try it. But I can totally understand having sex without commitment. I don't need to be seriously committed to someone to have sex with them, trusting and knowing them and really liking them is enough.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sparkly Eyes
    But I can totally understand having sex without commitment. I don't need to be seriously committed to someone to have sex with them, trusting and knowing them and really liking them is enough.
    That, I do have experience doing. But that's not devoid of emotions and feelings. That's just devoid of commitment.

    My experience of these interactions though was leaving feeling a kind of de-whelmedness.

    So if it were purely mechanical, I don't think I could find anything whatsoever in that. I don't think.

  11. #20

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    Originally Posted by tiredofvampires
    That, I do have experience doing. But that's not devoid of emotions and feelings. That's just devoid of commitment.
    Well, some people think having emotions means wanting commitment. But you can meet someone on a vacation, spend a couple of days with them and feel comfortable enough to have sex with them, and it wouldn't be emotionless. I totally could do that, but some people still would call that casual sex (which it is in a way) and separating emotions from sex.

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