Anyone NOT want to get married and have kids?

I am 30 and everyone around me is either married, defacto or starting to have kids. I just don't think I really need any of this.

Most people think that it is just a phase that I am going through and that I will change my mind later on. I have even considered having a hysterectomy.

Are there people that are just happy being single? I mean, I think I might want to have kids, but it is not essential that I do. I have been told that I am perhaps too independent for my own good. I have my own home, great job etc. I have the freedom to do whatever I want at the moment without the baggage of a husband or kids.

What do you think?

Whatever makes you happy is the right thing. Too many people bow to social pressures and wind up married, with kids, and miserable. Hence the reason there are so many divorces and so many kids with separated parents. Don't get married simply because someone expects you to.

Do what ever makes you happy at the present time. I'm in the same bracket and I'm 36. I would like to get married some day, I nearly was a few years back, but I'm still not sure about having kids. All my friends are married or engaged and believe it or not, most of them (the guys anyway!) are somewhat envious of the freedom I enjoy.

Yeah, I don't see why you have to get married and/or have kids if you're perfectly happy without them. What, are we all just put on this earth to do those two things, and if we don't, we're failures?? NO. Even though that's how a lot of people act...which bothers me. Ha, but anyway, I agree, do what makes you happy. If kids and marriage AREN'T in that equation, then you don't have to include them.

i personally don't want to have kids, because I'm not sure if I could raise them correctly.

As far as getting married..i dont know, i mean i can't even find a girlfriend right now.

I am 30 and everyone around me is either married, defacto or starting to have kids. I just don't think I really need any of this.

 

Most people think that it is just a phase that I am going through and that I will change my mind later on. I have even considered having a hysterectomy.

 

Are there people that are just happy being single? I mean, I think I might want to have kids, but it is not essential that I do. I have been told that I am perhaps too independent for my own good. I have my own home, great job etc. I have the freedom to do whatever I want at the moment without the baggage of a husband or kids.

 

What do you think?

Whenever I used to tell people that I didn't want children, they all told me that I would change my mind. I never did. I may have wanted to get married, but children was a whole other matter. The problem with society is that there is a general assumption that ALL women want a, b and c and ALL men want a, b, and c. So if someone says they don't want a and b then everyone is shocked and disbelieving assuming that person really does want it but just doesn't realize it yet...or something must be wrong with them.

I am married but I don't really want kids either. I think I would be perfectly content not having kids, and being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without looking for a babysitter. Not to mention the money that goes into raising kids. I feel like I make just enough money to sustain myself without any obligations to children, and there are a lot of people raising children on an income less than mine.

My husband would like one, but he can't afford one right now either. He skirts by paying his share on the house & for his car, but a lot of times doesn't even have a few hundred bucks in his account at the end of the month. So I know that I would be the one paying for most things for a kid, and I'd also be the one cleaning after it & stuck with it while he goes hunting, etc. He's alright not having a kid for several more years, but if things stay as they are I won't have one.

So no, I don't think it's crazy for not wanting what everyone thinks you should want.

I never married and never had kids. Now it's too late for kids but I'm still definitely still open to marriage. I read a statistic somewhere that almost half of the US population is single....so you're in good company! We're fortunate that we live in a society where you are not judged as harshly for being single or childless. At least not so much in major metropolitan areas, perhaps being childless and unmarried is less "acceptable" in the suburbs or more rural areas.

Sometimes I am wistful and think it would have been nice to have had a traditional life with a husband and children but I am sure that other women who chose this route envy my total freedom. And it's truly miserable to marry the wrong person and have to get a divorce, as what happened to my sister with two kids. The thing about your friends marrying and having kids is that they eventually become part of a social group that you may not feel welcome to or belong to, as married people with kids tend to naturally hang out with other married people with kids. So single people have to make their own network of friends and this network just evolves over life, as people change, move away, either have kids or don't.

I think the key is trying to not let the culture make you feel bad for not being a certain way, having the right kind of stuff or lifestyle, being single or not single. Western culture is always telling people to be better, different, improve, always be producing or making progress in some area. It doesn't make people feel happy to be constantly told that they aren't "right" and they need to change or improve. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with accomplishments or making "progress" but in our culture, this often translates to the beautiful home with the beautiful 2.5 children, the faithful dog, the Volvo station wagon, and the handsome, doting husband who makes well into the six figures. Oh and of course, the woman who has birthed all these children has to have a tight body and an ageless face to go along with all of her accomplishments...perhaps she is studying for her PhD in her spare time. Advertising and the media constantly bombard us with these messages. No wonder the population is so depressed and so many people are on medications, very few people can live up to these ridiculous standards.

Self-acceptance is a lifelong process and it can be a challenge when society is constantly telling you that you're "not good enough". At 30, you still have time to think about what you want and the hell with what everyone else thinks or is doing! Having a hysterectomy seems pretty extreme though, and unless you are having medical issues, this is something you might regret. There is a documentary called "Single" that I got at my local library, definitely worth viewing...

I think the world is overpopulated and that raising children is going to become even more difficult as everyone competes more intensely for resources. So it's probably a wise decision not to have kids.

I didn't think marriage was a good idea for me until I hit my mid-30s. I changed my mind about that around 36/37ish, left the relationship I was in at the time, met someone else and got married about 6 weeks after my 38th birthday. There was no way I was ready to be married anytime prior to that.

I decided at 15 that I never wanted children. It's 30-some years later and I still don't want children. That has stayed constant. I have never heard one "tick" or "tock" from this biological clock some people talk about.

I don't know if I want it..I think I do. It'd be nice to have some 'normality' but I feel incabable of sustaining it. I feel that I would like a child but without a husband.

"I have my own home, great job etc. I have the freedom to do whatever I want at the moment without the baggage of a husband or kids."

I have my own home and am on hiatus from a great career (full time mother) and there is no way I would label my husband and child with the negative connotation of "baggage". Freedom? I had less freedom when I was single because I wanted to be married and so restricted myself from certain activities where I wouldn't have any chance of meeting men (directly or somewhat indirectly)-if I hadn't cared I would have given myself more freedom to live elsewhere, travel more, take certain classes on "date nights" I guess. The freedoms I don't have now because of my family resonsibilties are freedoms I joyfully gave up -rarely feels like a sacrifice.

I do know some happily single women - I think they're fabulous for not succumbing to what their families expect of them (typically) -but I wouldn't think so if they had negative generalizations about relationships - then I would wonder about their reasons, their negativity and perhaps feel a bit sorry for them. Your "baggage" comment makes me wonder what your true motivation is -if it's negative it's likely to eat away at you at some point and it will be an unfair and uphill battle for a man to convince you that he's not "baggage".

You're alloweed to live your live the way you want - baggage free and all. Not everyone wants marriage and kids and that's absolutely fine. Whatever your reasons they are your own. For those of us who are getting married or are married we don't see 'baggage' in husbands and kids but for someone who doesn't want it, I can very well see how it can be seen as baggage. You're human enought to admit you don't want the responsibility of children - and marriage - and you want freedom to do as you want. No one can judge you for how you view marriage or freedom.

I am undecided on children, but I am getting married. I think having a partner to enjoy life with is enriching, but I can see how some would disagree. In the end, each person needs to decide what's best in their individual situation. I do not judge unmarried individuals or childless couples at all...in fact I give them kudos for knowing what's right for them and not succumbing to societal pressures. As for myself, maybe I will have kids one day but I feel at this time in our world, it's not a good time for children to be born. My mom even said that if she was deciding on having children now rather than 20 years ago, she would choose to be childless. If things start seeming not so bleak nationally and internationally, I will consider children.

My mom even said that if she was deciding on having children now rather than 20 years ago, she would choose to be childless.

Heh. At least your mom put a qualifier on it. Mine straight up told me (well, back when I was still speaking with my parents) that she thought she'd be better off if she had never married and never had children.

No marriage or kids for me. I don't believe in marriage, and I'm not emotionally or financially qualified to have kids. Also, I can't stand being tied down to anything...during my brief experiments with serious relationships, I did not do well at all, as I need to be 100% in control of my own life.

I am still not sure about the future (at 31) as far as marriage or children. My life right now is great, better than ever. And I am single.

I know for sure, with zero regrets, of having up to this point chosen NOT to get married or had kids. Because up until this point, there was no way I was in a position to do that the way I would want to, to be happy with what a blessing kids and a good husband can be. In short, it would have probably been a miserable experience for me - and probably would have a divorce already in my past if I would have, and not been the type of wife or mom I would want to be.

So instead I am single in my 30s with no kids or divorces. And happy about that.

I feel rather confident I could be happy and have a good life without the marriage and children, in fact that seems to be the path I may be taking more likely than not. But I could also see a rich great life (and me being excellent as a wife and mom now) that other path now too. I feel very blessed to be where I am now, with such a sense of choices that all lead to 'happy'.

It's going to depend a lot now on whether or not there comes someone in my life who I want to marry or not. That's about it. Up until now, I haven't really wanted to go that way. But who knows.

You're alloweed to live your live the way you want - baggage free and all. Not everyone wants marriage and kids and that's absolutely fine. Whatever your reasons they are your own. For those of us who are getting married or are married we don't see 'baggage' in husbands and kids but for someone who doesn't want it, I can very well see how it can be seen as baggage. You're human enought to admit you don't want the responsibility of children - and marriage - and you want freedom to do as you want. No one can judge you for how you view marriage or freedom.

When someone describes husband/kids in general as baggage I see negativity as the focus of the decision not to marry and since the OP asked for opinions my opinion is that that kind of negativity doesn't supply a healthy basis for an important decision like that. Of course she is entitled to see husband/kids as baggage but from what I read she meant it generally. The judging comes in when someone gives unsolicited input -the OP asked for our input.

I love the relationship I'm in, and if things continue being awesome, I'd love to marry him. But neither of us want kids.

On that note, I don't see why marriage and kids are always a package deal. Many kids are born out of wedlock, and many marriages don't produce children.

When someone describes husband/kids in general as baggage I see negativity as the focus of the decision not to marry and since the OP asked for opinions my opinion is that that kind of negativity doesn't supply a healthy basis for an important decision like that. Of course she is entitled to see husband/kids as baggage but from what I read she meant it generally. The judging comes in when someone gives unsolicited input -the OP asked for our input.

Yes but I wasnt referencing your post. The op may have a negative look at it but who knows why they do - child of divorce, whatever. Most people who don't want marriage or kids cite negative reasoning - they can't stand child, they see marriage as a trap... does that mean all people who don't want marriage/kids are basing a important decision on negarivty? And really ti term it an 'important decision' is based case by case - you and I mat see i5 as a important decision but the op may not.

Yes but I wasnt referencing your post. The op may have a negative look at it but who knows why they do - child of divorce, whatever. Most people who don't want marriage or kids cite negative reasoning - they can't stand child, they see marriage as a trap... does that mean all people who don't want marriage/kids are basing a important decision on negarivty? And really ti term it an 'important decision' is based case by case - you and I mat see i5 as a important decision but the op may not.

I was referring only to the OP. There are people who think highly of marriage and kids but know it's not for them. The OP doesn't seem to be one of then.

I never thought I would get married and I have never wanted to have children. I did end up getting married, but now I question the wisdom of this decision. I say, good on you for knowing what you want! If your life makes you happy sans marriage and children, kudos! If you stumble upon one of those bridges one day, cross it when you get there. Otherwise, keep doing what you're doing! Don't marry and have a family just because most of the people around you are and think you are weird for not wanting the same thing.

I was referring only to the OP. There are people who think highly of marriage and kids but know it's not for them. The OP doesn't seem to be one of then.

But that's her right to not think of highly of it and still make hee decisions. You mat see it as her making an uninformed decision with a negative aspect but that's becaus3 you hold marriage and kids in high regard... she doesn't have to for her decision to still be considered as just unformed as your decision.

But that's her right to not think of highly of it and still make hee decisions. You mat see it as her making an uninformed decision with a negative aspect but that's becaus3 you hold marriage and kids in high regard... she doesn't have to for her decision to still be considered as just unformed as your decision.

Not at all what I wrote or meant. I wrote that it might not be a good idea to make the decision from a generalized negative view of husband/kids as baggage. I have a right to my opinion and she asked for our opinions.

Not at all what I wrote or meant. I wrote that it might not be a good idea to make the decision from a generalized negative view of husband/kids as baggage. I have a right to my opinion and she asked for our opinions.

Yes but that's implying she made the decision from that. We don't know what caused her to make the decision she did - only that that is how she views marriage/kids. You see it as a negative way to look at it because you don't see them as negative... another person who doesn't want that either wouldn't see that as negative.

I don't see it as a bad thing to view marriage/children as baggage. I don't see marriage that way but I know that some others do because of past experience or perhaps something else. They have a right to their own opinions and while I don't see it that way, I don't see anything WRONG with them viewing marriage/kids unfavorably.

I mean seriously, what's wrong about that?