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Moved On, They Come Back?


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Okay, so I don't really have personal experience relating to this but I've heard this has happened many times before. Does an ex come back to you after you've completely moved on? I mean, it'd be great if she came back at this point because I've done so much self-improvment but I was wondering, do they come back after you've fully healed?

 

Stories, experiences, any inside info?

 

Any comments appreciated as usual, thank you.

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I can give you my experience.

 

1st ex: Over a year relationship, he ended it with me, we got back together on his terms, I ended it finally cos he was emotionally abusive. He got angry, asked for me back instantly. I declined. And I havent heard from him since then...almost three years.

 

2nd ex: Over a year relationship. compulsive liar/dissapeared on me several times and I guess it was a mutual break up in the end. NEVER heard from him again.

 

3rd ex: Just under a year. Ended on bad terms. he tried to get me back straight after but I was having none of it. havent heard since initial trying to get back together.

 

So out of my long term relationships the guys seem to try and get me back straight away, and if they dont suceed, they disappear off the radar/give up.

 

HOWEVEr out of short term relationships I've had, one was literally like a month, the other a week, both I ended as they were rebounds. They both literally stalk me now, constantly texting or trying to chat on facebook.

 

Weird.

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1st ex tried for years broke up with me, as soon as I had a new man he was wanting me back

 

2nd together 9 months he has been trying 2 1/2 years to get me back he broke Up with me also

 

3rd we are on a "break" so I'll let you know what happens. Initiated by him

 

One short term relationship he dumped Me, I tried for a few days and we haven't talked since

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I dated a girl for 3 years.. she shattered my heart to pieces. but i moved on. took about a year.. She just text me last week! we broke 4 years ago, so the answer to your question is maybe. sometimes they contact you to see how you are doing and sometimes to reconcile. she has not mentioned reconciliation but kind of funny to hear from her.

 

generally i think girls move on for good, my opinion.

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I once dumped a girl and she did everything wrong she could ever do and pushed me in the arms of someone else. later on we became friends and everything was good. 6 years later I visited her for a week. she already had a kid and broke up with her last boyfriend. we had some awesome days and lots of sex. it was like being in a timemachine. all the great memories came back though she totally moved on and changed a lot. yep, I started having big feelings for her again. just my head didn´t wanna handle the situation with the kid and the father being around all the time..

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ex fiance dated for 3 years - got in arelationship 2 weeks after me never contacted

 

next girl i dated for like 4 months she dumped me, 5 months later msg on facebook basically how shes been thinking of me blah blah, deleted dint reply

 

last girl i dated, we broke up a year ago, yet still "talk on and off" but i doubt we will get back together.

 

 

to me it all depends on how you treated them and how the relationships ended.

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There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

 

For me, personally, yes...about the time that I finally decided to go NC in order for me to heal and move on, he came back. We've been reconciled for 12 days now, after being apart for 6.5 months.

 

I think honestly, it's probably just a coincidence when it does happen, because the vast majority of breakups never result in reconciliation.

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It all depends on the situation.. It really does, and it's hard to say! Because I'm in the same boat as everyone.. HOpe hope hope..

 

But, i guess i NEED to move on for my own sake, the ex has, why should i swallow in remorse because of the ex and her new bf! Liars and cheaters!

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  • 3 weeks later...
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

 

For me, personally, yes...about the time that I finally decided to go NC in order for me to heal and move on, he came back. We've been reconciled for 12 days now, after being apart for 6.5 months.

 

I think honestly, it's probably just a coincidence when it does happen, because the vast majority of breakups never result in reconciliation.

 

Did you not talk to him for 6.5 straight months?

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In my experiences, all of my ex's with the exception of one (which was like a 2 month deal) have contacted me again. I have been the dumpee in all situations, except for one, in which I ended it. For me, it hasn't always been when I've fully moved on... but more when they sense you are moving on. What I mean by that is that, when you are basically no longer worrying if they come back or not, doing your own thing, hopefully dating new people, thats when you're ex (if female) can like literally smell it and will try and creep back into the picture. It's as if some women have this 6th sense, and if they get even the slightest scent of another female's vagina going anywhere near you, an alarm goes off, and they reach out to you. Sometimes they do it just to stroke their ego, to make sure they can still get you back at the drop of hat, which is why it's so important to ignore meaningless texts, and messages during the NC period. They won't come back until they get the impression that they might be losing you for good unless they act on it fast. That's when the power of the break up switches, and the dumpee in effect becomes the dumper, because now the dumper is reaching out, and not getting the responses they expected.

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  • 2 months later...

In my personal experience, my ex really came back right when I was ok with how my life was, and I was starting to meet people. I met and started liking someone and literally within the week my ex really came around.

 

It really depends and everyone is different, but in my case, yes, he came when I had started to be okay with how things were. The timing of it all is actually really odd.

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Has happened to me three times -- in fact each long-term relationship I've had in my life in which I was dumped. Each time it took at least three or four months from the breakup, and didn't take place until I had almost completely given up (and had certainly given up trying) and at least begun to move on. I think it was, let's see, 6 months (year-long relationship -- about 3 months after I'd given up), 18 months (15 year relationship -- about nine months after giving up), and 5 months (year-and-a-half realtionship -- about 3 months after instituting near-NC and shortly after giving up hope). So yes, it does definitely happen.

 

Important note: I never succeeded in "winning" anyone back -- they all came back entitely of their own accord after I'd given up. There was no grand design that paid off.

 

Not sure what the reasons are, but there is a pattern. I think there's something in human psychology that is repulsed by begging from someone you've rejected -- probably an adaptive thing that helps people move on. And people get annoyed when you don't accept what they've told you ("Geez, it's all about him!"). There's the whole power dynamic thing ("oh, I can always go back to you, so you're not worth my attention right now.") Self-respect and dignity are very attractive qualities, and you don't demonstrate that when you're groveling or begging or hanging around hoping for scraps. I'm torn about LC though... I think limited, non-stalkerish LC is OK unless you've been told firmly to go away. And I think maybe you don't initiate it until you'e emotionallly healed/ strong enough to not be crushed if you're rejected.

 

Keeping your dignity is key, so sometimes you need to imnpose NC in order to prevent yourself from humiliating yourself while you're in that in that vulnerable emotional state. You definitely tend to do more harm than good when you're begging, crying etc. Step away with dignity and you maximize your chance. However, I don't necessarily think it's bad to keep some limited contact. You just can't wallow in self-pity or obsess too much. Channel your pain into something positive, like exercise...

 

Just got dumped a few days ago out of the blue by someone I really felt close to, and the closesness felt mutual... has knocked me for a loop. Have stayed away so far (10 days or so). This was a short but pretty intense and, I thought, very happy relationship... I skipped the begging after about 5 minutes of "Are you sure? Why?" and stepped away with dignity intact after telling her I didn't want to be friends just yet (she said she wanted to stay friends), kissing her goodbye and walking away. Man, it never gets easier. We'll see what happens. This is the first time I've actually had a plan...

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This is a GREAT post. Just thought I'd say that.

 

Would like to make a note that the one ex that never reached out to me that I mentioned in that post (the 2 month deal) reached out to me about a month ago, about 2.8 years later, lol. So truth is, all of mine have come back in some form or another.

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