Boyfriend overseas for 2.5 weeks - haven't heard from him

Hi there,

My boyfriend has just taken his first overseas holiday with one of his mates. He's had a very rough couple of years and I'm excited that he's getting the chance to travel as I've done much of it myself and it's my passion. He's never travelled before.

However, in the 2 weeks that he's been gone (he returns next week) he hasn't contacted me at all. Before he left, I said to him, "Give me a call if you like, I won't call you".

We've been together for about 3 years and he wants me to move in with him when my lease expires at the end of the year. We chat every day normally, and see each other a few times a week.

Before he left, I told him not to be alarmed if he doesn't miss me much because when travelling, you're cramming so much into your time and everything is so new and exciting that you don't really have the opportunity to miss people (I went to Europe last year for 2.5 weeks and sent him a text when I got there and when I was about to leave; that was it. He didn't attempt to contact me while I was away).

Like I said, he's had a rough couple of years (nothing to do with our relationship) and was very stressed about things before he left.

I guess my problem is that I'm just not used to having no contact at all with him. I won't attempt to contact him while he's away, as this is the first time in his life he's ever had the opportunity to travel overseas and do his own thing. His last long-term girlfriend was incredibly stifling and controlling, and he was never "allowed" to do anything for himself. She was a freakin', aggressive nightmare, just quietly.

Should I be worried he hasn't contacted me or should I just let it go? I guess it doesn't help that the mate he's travelling with is a total party animal who will pick up any woman that takes his fancy... makes me rather uncomfortable, actually.

I totally understand that after a couple of years of absolute crap, he should be able to get out there and have a break from everything. I'm not even sure if he brought his cell phone with him as he was scared of accruing massive charges for international roaming. I told him before he left that I wasn't happy that we'd be incommunicado for the duration of his holiday, but well... I've heard nothing. I just don't know if I'm overreacting as I've always been the kind of person that lets their loved ones know when I've arrived at my destination. He doesn't really do that. I'm rather confused.

Thanks very much.

Let him be. He's having fun and like you said, is too busy to contact you. He will fill you in when he gets home and I bet he thinks you are the best gf EVER for letting him travel without checking in with you all the time. Guys are strange, but you gotta love 'em!

Thanks for your response I want him to have a great time (and hopefully catch my travel bug!). He deserves this holiday, which is why I told him I wouldn't contact him and suggested he contact me at his leisure if he likes. Not to mention, he's visiting his brother, who he hasn't seen for about a year.

Also, I don't want to be *that* type of girlfriend... you know, the one that constantly nags or checks up on him. Maybe he'll appreciate that I'm absolutely nothing like his ex!

Yeah don't worry about it. You're over thinking it.

If you've told him to not contact you why are you worrying that he has not made contact?

Although his actions are not acceptable in my opinion.

I wouldn't worry and I would let this go. You said it yourself you won't be calling and told him to call at his leisure. Sounds like he's having a good vacation and is too busy to contact. Next time, if you want communication, you should specify that you would love one or two catch up emails.

I think that if you expected him to contact you, then you should have told him so. As far as he knows, you don't mind him not contacting you because you told him to only give you a call if he liked to.

I don't think you're over reacting, however maybe you don't have any reason to worry. When overseas sometimes it's difficult to make international calls perhaps? Different scenarios are possible.

It's good that you're not trying to be controlling and letting him have fun. If he's never given you a reason to worry, I wouldn't overthink it. When he comes back ask him.

I remember the first time my bf went away for a week, I didn't hear from him and was really bummed/missing him and his voice. I even tried calling his hotel to see if he arrived ok and to try and get a minute with him.

But when he came back I realized I'd been worrying for NO reason. He actually walked 8 blocks trying to find an internet cafe or phone, but with no succes. When you're overseas everything is new and sometimes it may be hard to get communication back home.

I guess you gave him that option which makes me wonder how the overall relationship is? He could at least called you once a week in my opinion.