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Thread: What does it mean to invalidate someone's feelings?

  1. #1
    KarlaW52
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    What does it mean to invalidate someone's feelings?

    I understand what invalidate means, but could someone give an example? I've heard that invalidating someone's feelings is very hurtful, but how important is it? If someone does that to you, is it a breaking point in a friendship or any kind of relationship? Just having a hard time grasping the whole concept..

  2. #2
    DN

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    Say a partner says something that hurts your feelings and when they express that hurt you dismiss their feelings as silly or infantile even though most people would also be hurt under the same circumstances.

  3. #3
    KarlaW52
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    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    Say a partner says something that hurts your feelings and when they express that hurt you dismiss their feelings as silly or infantile even though most people would also be hurt under the same circumstances.
    People have done that to me many times, and I think that feelings aren't really right or wrong.. because every person is different.. but would a partner doing this to you be a good reason to end the relationship? Or just if they did it repeatedly? I've heard people talk about how important it is not to do this to people.. would you agree that it's incredibly important in a relationship or friendship? I feel like people who do this have no consideration for others' feelings.

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    Moontiger
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    If some I was dating did this to me, and I spoke to them about it, but nothing changed? It would be a reason to end the relationship.

  5. #5
    whes
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    Invalidating someone's feelings is basically giving them the message that their feelings or their reactions aren't noteworthy, aren't important, or aren't valid. It's a way of suppressing someone or establishing dominance by making their feelings or opinions inferior to your own.

    it would definitely, definitely be a reason to end a relationship if it happened again and again and again with no change, no matter what was said. It devalues that person's worth as a human being and that is never okay.

  6. #6
    KarlaW52
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    Quote Originally Posted by whes [Register to see the link]
    Invalidating someone's feelings is basically giving them the message that their feelings or their reactions aren't noteworthy, aren't important, or aren't valid. It's a way of suppressing someone or establishing dominance by making their feelings or opinions inferior to your own.

    it would definitely, definitely be a reason to end a relationship if it happened again and again and again with no change, no matter what was said. It devalues that person's worth as a human being and that is never okay.
    Thank you for the reply. What about in a situation where someone has an irrational fear of their partner leaving them, etc.. if they have an irrational fear and no reason behind it, are their feelings still valid? Some people can be irrational but does that mean their feelings are too? Or can feelings not be irrational? Sorry I guess I'm just very curious haha.

  7. #7
    whes
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    An irrational fear is still a very real fear to the person experiencing it. It exists for a reason. The fear that your partner will leave you is usually based on past experiences of being left, insecurities about being alone, or maybe because you don't trust the person. All of those reasons, over time, can be resolved as long as they are taken seriously and treated as real.

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