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Thread: Will ignoring him work?

  1. #1
    Aniken
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    Will ignoring him work?

    My crush and I went out on 2 dates last year, nothing since (think he got cold feet after), but i know he likes me.

    On Valentine's Day he bought me a box of chocolates which I thought was really sweet (he's never bought me anything before other than paying for the dates) - I sent him a text thanking him and he had the audacity to tell me that it wasn't because of Valentines Day that he bought it, he just thought I might enjoy it as he knows I like chocolates.

    I thought that was the biggest load of hogwash and have been ignoring him since.
    He can't seem to admit how he feels and he lies about things to make it seem
    as if he doesn't care for me (it's not the first time he's lied about something to me).
    He unfortunately is not the kind of guy that I can sit down and speak to about feelings
    and emotions - I want him to come to me and ask me what the problem is and maybe then he'll be willing to listen.

    Do you think the ignoring approach will work or only send him further into his denial shell?

  2. #2
    ForumGuy
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    I think you are not far enough into dating him to be thinking like this. I read his "not because of Valentine's Day" statement as "it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day for me to buy you chocolates, I will buy them becasue I know you enjoy them". Not a good idea to play the "ignoring" game to try to manipulate him into doing what you want him to do. There is a chance he is simply shy and trying not to come on too strong.

  3. #3
    ToF
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    He can't seem to admit how he feels and he lies about things to make it seem
    as if he doesn't care for me
    You know ... There is a small chance that he actually does not have romantic feelings for you. Just keep that in mind.

    (it's not the first time he's lied about something to me). He unfortunately is not the kind of guy that I can sit down and speak to about feelings and emotions
    So he's lied to you multiple times and you can't speak to him about feelings or emotions. What makes you want to date him??

    I want him to come to me and ask me what the problem is and maybe then he'll be willing to listen.
    Rather than approaching him about this honestly, you're trying to play a game and manipulate him into showing his "true" feelings. Why is that even worth it? Why be with someone who isn't willing to reciprocate?

  4. #4
    Aniken
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForumGuy [Register to see the link]
    I think you are not far enough into dating him to be thinking like this. I read his "not because of Valentine's Day" statement as "it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day for me to buy you chocolates, I will buy them becasue I know you enjoy them". Not a good idea to play the "ignoring" game to try to manipulate him into doing what you want him to do. There is a chance he is simply shy and trying not to come on too strong.
    But why specifically Valentines Day...he could have given it to me on any other day. He says things to me that only a guy who is seriously into someone will say e.g. he knows all the pairs of shoes I have in my closet and I'm sure every jersey AND its color, he always compliments me and staring the is the norm. He is very reserved though...

    Also, I've already expressed my feelings to him as well, so the above puzzles me further...

  5. #5
    Aniken
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToF [Register to see the link]
    You know ... There is a small chance that he actually does not have romantic feelings for you. Just keep that in mind.



    So he's lied to you multiple times and you can't speak to him about feelings or emotions. What makes you want to date him??



    Rather than approaching him about this honestly, you're trying to play a game and manipulate him into showing his "true" feelings. Why is that even worth it? Why be with someone who isn't willing to reciprocate?
    Yes, he has lied about certain things in particular but I figured it was just his insecurities - I am an assertive and confident person and he is neither.

    As mentioned above, I expressed my feelings to him and all he gave me in return was a rather stunned, blank stare and the topic was never discussed again...

  6. #6
    Ariel85
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    Here's the rub.

    You have two dates last year, and nothing since.

    But, you are convinced he still likes you. I think it sounds like friendzone all the way.

    However, what's the point and what is that worth, if he's not going to act on it and date you again?

    I'd move on. This doesn't seem rewarding for you at all.

  7. #7
    Aniken
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ariel85 [Register to see the link]
    Here's the rub.

    You have two dates last year, and nothing since.

    But, you are convinced he still likes you. I think it sounds like friendzone all the way.

    However, what's the point and what is that worth, if he's not going to act on it and date you again?

    I'd move on. This doesn't seem rewarding for you at all.
    His colleagues have mentioned his change in behavior since he met me (not the same when I'm around), and one of his very close friends has hinted at his feelings for me, so I am pretty sure, obviously not 100% because I haven't heard him say the words.

    And one of the reasons I'm also ignoring is because he hasn't acted since the dates and yet still feels the need to "show" how he feels while denying it if that makes any sense...

  8. #8
    HeartGoesOn
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    I think the bigger picture is the fact that he only dated you twice last year, and here we are almost in March of this year, and he hasn't asked you out again. How is he keeping in contact?

    Since he's not stepping up to the plate, I'm not sure how ignoring him will change that. It seems that he has you in limbo, which wouldn't sit well with me.

  9. #9
    Aniken
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn [Register to see the link]
    I think the bigger picture is the fact that he only dated you twice last year, and here we are almost in March of this year, and he hasn't asked you out again. How is he keeping in contact?

    Since he's not stepping up to the plate, I'm not sure how ignoring him will change that. It seems that he has you in limbo, which wouldn't sit well with me.
    We had 2 dates towards the end of last year , then there were 6 weeks of me being out of town. Having to get back to where we left off when i returned was really difficult as he is not the most forthcoming person when it comes to feelings/dating.

    We work in the same building, so I can see him if I want or not... This might not make sense to you, but at most times I can see how he feels - he is almost transparent without him realising it..the irony!

    The limbo thing is what bothers me - the reason I'm hanging on is the "have no regrets" thought...I want to know that we've both decided it wasn't worth it and move on, but at least we should/could/would've tried. I know that he is extremely sensitive and ignoring him would hurt him - I hate to have gone that route as it seems so childish and immature, but thought I would give it a shot before I do throw in the towel...but I'm not sure if this is really the answer...

  10. #10
    ny guy
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    What difference is throwing in the towel or ignoring him?

    If you threw in the towel, you wouldn't be speaking to him. And you're not speaking to him anyway.

    You've obviously got a thing for him, or else this hogwash wouldn't bother you in the least bit. Like said above, there's a huge chance that he's just really shy and he may think that since you two have a spotty dating relationship, he thought that a little thing on valentines day could open the door up. I'm sure he did not intend to insult you or mean anything weird by saying that the chocolates were merely a thougthful gift. He probably didn't want to presume too much in giving a gift on valentines day, it's such a touchy day to begin with and I give him some credit for manning up a bit and taking a step, albiet a very small one.


    So have you spoken to him at all since the valentines day incident?

    It sounds like you have a load of thoughts going through your head, without any interaction with him. Could you be overthinking things?


    And as far as limbo goes, I think that's a bit of BS, no offense at all. You went on two dates, a long time ago. You sound like one who likes to have the upper hand on things, not that there's anything wrong with that. I say let the chips fall where they may, don't try to control things so much.

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