I need to escape my life, in SOME way, any way!!!!

I can't stand my life anymore and I have to talk to somebody. The thing is, I don't want any attention from my family or friends so I can't talk to them but they're part of the problem anyway so this is the only place I can turn to. I am so withdrawn that I can barely talk to my family anyway so that is not an option.

Here's my life in a nutshell. I am 38 years old but I have to live with my mom. My parents divorced when I was a teenager but my dad has gotten increasingly controlling and smothering and judgemental and negative, etc. so that's a constant source of stress for me. I got laid off from my good paying job 2 years ago and all I've been able to get are part time jobs, hence why I am stuck living here now.

I haven't been on a date in 3 years and I have only had one real boyfriend in my life which was 10 years ago. I am so lonely for somebody to hold me, I dont even need sex, I just need someone to love who loves me back! I have been deprived of this for most of my life and the longer it becomes, the worse I feel.

I have no interest in any jobs out there, I only take whatever I can get cuz I have to and then it makes me miserable. I am interested in a lot of subjects but I lose interest once I try to do it for a living. I have just lost the interest to work, period. I hate getting up in the morning, I have stopped exercising, I have shut myself down in almost every way possible. I hate talking to and being around my family, and I'm forced to live with my mom and my dad is always making things worse so every day is almost unbearable.

I dont want to turn 40 and be alone, living with my mother, with a part time job I can't even survive off of. But that seems to be the way my life is heading and I can't stop it. I spend all my time fantasizing about how I want my life to be, but I know it isn't healthy to live in a fantasy world all day long, yet my life is so sucky I have to do it just to stay sane.

I don't want to kill myself, but I dont see how my life can improve. I have tried everything I can think of, I just can't seem to fix it.

Last week I had the happiest moment of my life, and I was sleeping. I was having a dream where I stole millions of dollars and escaped to my own island far out in the middle of the ocean, and it had a mansion on it and a secluded lagoon with crystal blue water, and I had a boyfriend, and I didn't have to work ever again, then I woke up and pretty much burst into tears right then and there.

In the past I have posted about my problems on this and other sites but obviously I can't be helped or something, otherwise I wouldn't be in a worse situation now wishing I was dead! I am a spiritual person, believe it or not, and I believe what comes after this is perfect, and I just don't see the point in suffering with this crap.

You poor thing. You are trapped in a box. As far as dating, try a free dating site such as OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish. Being a woman, men will respond in droves. You just take your pick. Of course many men will just want to use you for sex, so use your best judgement. You sound depressed. Normally I'd recommend therapy, but obviously you can't afford it, so I recommend a 12 step program. I attend 1 and it's uplifting to find people more screwed up than you. This is Emotions Anonymous link removed find a meeting near you and attend it. May help you with depression. Good luck.

Hi Rockchick...I can relate to many of your feelings since I too have suffered a few setbacks. I'm still dealing with a good number of issues, so I'm not exactly in a position to get all Tony Robbins on you and be motivational (which you can use). I will however say that you express yourself very intelligently; I've read a number of your previous posts and it seems like you've been on this tailspin for a while now. To steal a line from Bono, you are "Stuck in a moment you can't get out of." I'm sure you've heard that song since you are "Rock Chick," but in the off chance you haven't you'll probably relate quite a bit with it (can find it here).

It might be difficult to believe right now because of what you're feeling, but you do have the power to make the changes you desire. As hrtlsngl7 pointed out, you are clearly suffering from depression so you may not have the right mindset to project the confidence required to secure the kind of job you seek. It's a viscous cycle that feeds on itself. It sounds like you are lacking the support structure you'll need to pull you through it if your father continues to emotionally beat you down each day. You need to find a way to break that cycle so you can see past the clouds and find a solution. Wish I had better insights, but I'm kind of in the same boat trying to make changes in my life to improve my situation too. If I find a magic formula I'll gladly pass it on, but suspect it requires different "ingredients" for each person since no two situations are ever the same.

You poor thing. You are trapped in a box. As far as dating, try a free dating site such as OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish. Being a woman, men will respond in droves. You just take your pick. Of course many men will just want to use you for sex, so use your best judgement. You sound depressed. Normally I'd recommend therapy, but obviously you can't afford it, so I recommend a 12 step program. I attend 1 and it's uplifting to find people more screwed up than you. This is Emotions Anonymous link removed find a meeting near you and attend it. May help you with depression. Good luck.

Thanks for the reply! As for dating sites, I have tried them and I've never had any luck. 99% of guys I am not interested in, and the few that I am never respond to me (just like in real life!). It also feels forced and unnatural to me. I can't like someone just by looking at a picture of them and reading what they are interested in, and when you meet them in real life it still feels wrong. It all makes me feel desperate and I feel like they are desperate and it just totally ruins something that should feel natural.

I checked out that website, and found 4 cities near me with meetings but they are right in the middle of my work shift, I work 6 days a week and my hours are firm so I can't go to those. I wish there was something like that where the members met online, on a forum or in a chat room.

Thanks for the reply! I have never heard that U2 song before but I liked it! Thanks for that!

Funny you mention Tony Robbins, I actually have one of his programs, the Personal Power one. Why it didn't work for me, I have no idea. Nothing ever does. I feel good while i'm listening to it but then when I have to shut it off and go about reality, I figure 'what's the point of that when I still have to deal with this'. I feel like all the small things I can do to improve my life totally nullify themselves when put up against the big things that are more influential and can't be changed.

I think the magic formula will be different for everyone too, I wish it wasn't so complicated though.

Being trapped in life is horrible, I am essentially trapped right now and so it makes me depressed. It is terrible when you can not make any significant changes in life. Having to live with parents certainly sets people back, but sometimes its just the way it has to be. Life has a lot of hardship involved, if it did not, there would be no point to living. Think of all the people born into wealth. They never had to work a day in their life and as such they do not try as hard. If the whole world was like that things would fall apart quickly.

Hard times in life give us strength, even if at first it seems like all they did was beat us to near death and steal our wallets. There has to be some sort of career out there for you, maybe its time you also had a change in scenery. If you want your life to change for the better you have to make bold strides. I know its hard to do that, nothing is easy when you are feeling down. At the same time I can see a wonderful person who is able and willing to be successful, if you can do that then I know the love of your life will find their way to you.

I can understand that being a little older now might bring thoughts of giving up. Almost like saying "hey I'm older now.. why bother starting over?" Its never too late to get what you want. My cousin is 40 and he just recently met his first girlfriend ever. They are perfect for each other and will be getting married. There is no reason you can't accomplish similar success.

Thanks for the reply! I know we need to go through hard things in order to get stronger, and appreciate life, it just sucks when you see someone who has it so much easier. Parents who are supportive, a clear idea of what they want out of life, etc. I've struggled with a career choice now for 3 years and I'm no closer now than I was then. The story about your cousin made me feel better, I know there are some people worse off than me. It works for a little while, until I hear about somebody who is 16 and has already had 5 partners! lol

Sometimes I just desperately want to escape. My parents are split and my mom's got bad problems so my brother and I couldn't live with her anymore. My dad has his own life with another woman. All my girlfriends ended up leaving the city I'm from cuz its kinda economically depressed. I actually like my jobs but I don't make enough to live on or barely and I have no benefits or health insurance. I too have to to do the part-time thing cuz I cant find a full time job. The job market depresses the hell out of me. Most of my old high school friends don't want to come out cuz they are depressed/problems/moved away or have their own lives. I feel alone a lot, I have my brother but I still feel trapped. I know what you are going through is what I'm saying. I'm shy and bad at meeting new people/ women and I feel alienated from a lot of people too. This is why I also want to just escape or somehow distract myself but I don't see how that is possible. Some people have it worse but I feel like I don't have anyone to fall back on if I stumble. Sometimes theres a light at the end of the tunnel but it sure doesn't feel that way to me.

Aww sorry to hear about your equally crappy life, Big M! The job market definitely plays a huge role in this, if it were easier to get jobs, i'm sure we would both be happy or at least in a better situation where we didn't feel like escaping! The only things I can think of to do is listen to music a lot, sit on the internet, daydream, stay up late at night so it feels like I'm the only person on Earth...I know that sounds like the oppposite of what we need, but I feel more comfortable when I'm alone, people stress me out and make me feel worse. I feel like the more I can escape into my own little bubble, the less I feel part of my * * * * ty reality.

Thanks for the reply, I know I was a little late to the party but I read your post and I really connected with what you are saying. I say I'm lonely and that does really bother me but I think the job market is a huge reason for me/us feeling the way I do. Like I was saying I don't feel like I connect with a lot of people and they stress me out a lot too so I totally get what you are saying about being alone. If we had good jobs we could at least be content with that and then figure out our social lives! This website is great though and at least we can connect with each other and escape from our problems and the outside world.

Yeah, I always feel like once I finally get a decent paying full time job again, that I can relax and start working on my other problems. And I agree about this site, I ALWAYS feel better when I come here. I know i'm not alone. Whoever named this site summed it all up perfectly!

Hey RockChick. I feel where you are, ive been there and its not an easy place to be. Im 36 male right now and ive had a lot of ups & downs in life. About 5 years ago I was on a high...having months where I made $20,000 with my own business, then the economy turned and ended up losing everything. I worked soooo hard to get there it was my dream but it ended...i lost my business, had $70k in debt, couldn't provide for my family, and felt horrible for having my wife quit her job a year before. I didnt know what to do...i remember one evening i got in my car and just drove. I remember crying and yelling to God asking for help out of this life...i was planning on killing myself that night because i wanted out. Life went on...had to do bankruptcy and start over.

I was down for a while...but things got better and are better. I can suggest doing the following things.... (do this today)

1~God made you perfect and he loves you unconditionally. Pray to God for help...to be happy to show you what you should do with your life

2~write down all the things you are greatful for (health,your sight, legs, arms, family who cares about you,your smart...etc)

3~start with a small list of things you want to change in your life (you can change them)

4~ make yourself exercise everyday(this relieves stress and release endorphines that will make you feel happier and that you can do more things)

5~read self development books (or rent audio books on link removed ) I suggest, Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn and other self developement books. I suggest you watch The Secret.

Things will get better...but you gotta want it and do something about it. I know you can do it. I will pray for you....now go take some action. Each day is a new day. Your small progress each day will create the life you want.

Dear Rock Chick,

You can find all the joy you seek inside yourself when you connect to your pure spirit. life can be a great challenge at times, and we are conditioned to find the solutions outside ourselves, this is what we all do, the island that you dreamed of where you escaped and felt "free" is a place inside yourself and you can access it through the practice of a very special particular type of Meditation Practice which gives actual tangible experience and actualization of "self Realization" any imbalances we get can be very easily corrected through simple clearing techniques using ordinary everyday things. This very special particular type of meditation is always FREE to learn, its now established worldwide and is each persons birthright to achieve this Self Realization which is when we connect to our Divine Spirit within and can be verified on your central nervous system as "vibrations£ which are actually felt sensations, very subtle level of experience, each person experiences it slightly differently. The most important key to this experience is the strength of your desire to know the truth which is all within you. This is not something you can pay for and is a true thing. Where ever you live in the world if you are a true and ardent seeker of truth, there will be a meeting near you. You can also experience it online, I will leave a website link for you to find your country and local meeting, a YouTube presentation by a professor of neuroscience delivering the research that has been done from a scientific perspective (for those that need that) where she demonstrates the proof this type of meditation can benefit you physiologically, physically and spiritually and is more effective in this than any other. Also will post a link for you to Experience it Online Now! Just keep an open mind and open heart and suspend all doubts and see what you feel.

Experience it Now with Shri Mataji the founder of Sahaja Yoga Meditation and source of Self Realization Experience. here is full explanation of the affirmations and how to awaken this within yourself. go to you tube and copy and paste this in: Self Realization with Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi.flv

Websites about Sahaja Yoga Meditation and Self Realization: link removed

The YouTube Video demonstrating the science of it: go to YouTube and copy and paste in this title: Professor Katya Rubia - Health Benefits of Sahaja Yoga Meditation

Wishing you every happiness and joy!

WOW!! I have gotten 2 more replies in this thread and I made this 3 years ago!! How did you even find it?! lol Anyway...

Since it's been 3 years, I should give an update. I am now 41, a year and a half ago I was lucky enough to get my dream job, which I believe I created/attracted using manifestation/law of attraction, whatever you wanna call it. Because it is the perfect job for me and I had no idea a job like this existed. My criteria were; to make a lot of money, to work overnights, to work with food, to not have to deal with the public, to not have to pay for a place to live but also not live with my mom anymore, and to have a job I loved. I got ALL that and more!!! I have never been so happy at a job in my life. I get to live at work for free, I get all the free food I want, I work with food, i work overnights, and i'm making more money than i've ever had in my life! I am able to travel, meet new people, it's just wonderful in every way.

The only problem is...lol (hey nothing is ever perfect, right?) I met a guy here, a coworker, and at first I thought he was my soulmate since my entire life was changing for the better, I thought, 'of course, a man, icing on the cake!' But turns out he doesn't want a relationship. But for the first 4 or 5 months I thought he was my boyfriend so I fell in love with him, only to find out that wasn't the real him. We are still kind of close but we don't act like a couple anymore so I am really heartbroken over this and can't get over him since I work with him 12 hours a day for a month straight (yeah, we work A LOT here!). So, the only problem left in my life now is that I am forced to suffer being around him every day when I thought he was my soulmate and he isn't even my boyfriend. I really don't want to have to quit my job just to get over him.

Thanks for the replies, Snowdrop and Up2u, and i'll check out that meditation thing too!!

Hey Rockchick.. I only wish I had found this site sooner. I'm in the mood you were back then and I just want to talk with someone who knows what it's like. It's not as bad though cuz I'm only 21, but I don't feel like my life is going to improve at all. Living with my parents, can't find a job, never have successful relationships and pretty much impossible for me to start a relationship in the real world (as opposed to online) because I'm too scared. I just had the best dream ever last night. I forget what it was about, but it was so good, that when I woke up, I just wanted to go back so badly or just escape life altogether by killing myself. And I don't believe in anything good after killing myself. I believe that it will just be... gone. Nothing left. And I'm an Atheist so I don't want to pray or anything like that. I know the dream was mostly about a perfect love life. And it just made me depressed more than ever. I think the main thing that would help me improve my life is having a successful relationship. But I'm terrible at that in the real world, and I really hate online dating, after my last 2 relationships being online and long distance. Long distance is awful for me. I just want to be with someone... I have nobody to connect to here... I know this isn't gonna help you in any way and I kind of feel selfish just putting my problems on here, but I need to talk with someone... I'm on the deep end and I feel like giving up on life... I have a handgun in my closet, so it would be nice and quick. But I desperately need something to hang onto... or I'm finished.

I don't want therapy or anything like that, btw. Need someone to connect to.

Zhiro, please don't go for that gun! I will reply to this better when I can, I'm using my phone right now so its hard to type. Hang in there!!,

It's not as bad though cuz I'm only 21, but I don't feel like my life is going to improve at all.

As I've gotten older, I've realized something younger people cannot possibly know. Since you've only been around so long, it will seem like nothing will ever change, like the rest of your life will play out exactly like what you've lived so far. But if you live the normal life expectancy, that means so far you've only lived 1/4 of your life! Imagine if you were looking at a timeline of an entire lifetime of the average person, seeing all the stuff they did and went through. You certainly wouldn't expect the entire thing to be exactly the same right? There will be ups and downs and changes all over the place. You can lead an ENTIRELY different life a few times. So for someone to say they don't think their life is going to improve at all, that's just not rational. The odds of it improving are high, since you have more of your life left than you've already lived.

Living with my parents, can't find a job, never have successful relationships and pretty much impossible for me to start a relationship in the real world (as opposed to online) because I'm too scared.

I lived with my parents til I was 26. I didn't go on a single date until I was 26, either. I worked in fast food for the first 5 years until my dad got me my 2nd job, which I didn't enjoy, in fact it took me until I was 39 to find a job I loved. I'd even say most people are not happy with their jobs, if they even have one. You're not alone. I was unemployed for 9 months then after that I bounced to a few part time jobs that I didn't like, thinking i'd never find anything full time let alone anything I liked!

I think the main thing that would help me improve my life is having a successful relationship. But I'm terrible at that in the real world, and I really hate online dating, after my last 2 relationships being online and long distance. Long distance is awful for me.

I can relate, i've always felt that I would be totally happy with a relationship. I have only had one, and he wasn't the right guy so I was never truly happy. And that was 13 years ago, so i've been single since then and feeling like it's never going to happen for me. You've already had 2 relationships which is more than i've had, yeah they were long distance but at least it was something. All I ever find are guys just wanting to use me for sex, or i'm simply not interested in them. It's never a mutual thing. It makes me wonder how anyone ever gets together. But anyway...let me try to suggest some things for you. You say you're too scared in real life...do you feel scared around anyone or just girls? (or wait, are you male or female? lol) I think the easiest way to get close to people is to just try to focus on making friends first. I pretty much only meet people through work, since I have few friends and they don't know each other so when i'm with them it's just me and them. But at my jobs is where it's easier and natural to get to know people. Now since you don't have one, this would kill two birds with one stone. Focus on finding a job and I'm sure the relationships will fall into place. Or even just friends to hang out with. Do you hang out with anyone else right now? Since you're young, your chances of running into other young single people is good. It's very hard for a 41 year old to go into a bar and get dates, let me tell you LOL So you have your age on your side. Or if you're not into the bar scene, I know it sounds cliche but maybe take some classes or join some clubs of things you're interested in. What do you enjoy doing?

I don't want therapy or anything like that, btw. Need someone to connect to.

I didn't want therapy either because I knew my problem was just a lack of love in my life (in the form of a romantic relationship), i'm sure it's the same for you. Well i'm here if you want to keep talking, I just had to respond as quick as I could because I didn't want you to go into that closet and make a bad decision!

First of all, I'm male. Secondly, I've had 2 jobs before. Both of them working in Deli/Bakery, and I don't want to work with food anymore. There's someone living with us atm and we hang out by just playing video games, but I never get a chance to tag along whenever he goes out and hangs with his friends (they also just play video games). I'm not scared to talk to girls or anything. I just can't ask a girl out. I don't have enough confidence. And all I enjoy doing is watching TV/movies and playing video games. Not a very outgoing person.

and

Basically, you're saying you're doing this to yourself.

Which means, to some extent, you DO have some control over this situation. If you have coverage for it, state or health insurance, don't balk at the idea of therapy. It can be a nudge, not so much to solve all your problems - but to give you some oomph to start chipping away at things a bit at a time.

Part of what it appears to me is - you have so many things going on it's like a pile of bricks weighing you down - and it's hard to find a starting point, and to keep any kind of motivation to keep pushing through to remove those bricks one at a time. A good therapist can help by offering support, and by helping you step back and look at what, of your many obstacles, are the ones weighing on you most heavily. What you can control, and help you get that control back. Which ultimately impacts how you feel about yourself and reflects on how attractive you are to others, and how healthy you are emotionally to be able to form a really strong and healthy relationship with someone. And in the end, that's the goal, isn't it?

There's someone living with us atm and we hang out by just playing video games, but I never get a chance to tag along whenever he goes out and hangs with his friends (they also just play video games).

I understand, my 2 best friends, they dont know each other and when I hang out with either of them, it's always at their house. So I get how hard it is to meet new people when you're always at someone's house doing something like video games!

I'm not scared to talk to girls or anything. I just can't ask a girl out. I don't have enough confidence. And all I enjoy doing is watching TV/movies and playing video games. Not a very outgoing person.

I can't ask guys out either, so I understand you there too! I think the way to sneak around that problem is to ask a girl to hang out with you and your friends doing a group thing, that way you're not really asking for a date but she'll get the idea that you like her!

Alright so you just like tv, movies and video games, how about finding girls on forums about your favorite shows, movies and games? Or meeting people at conventions (like ComicCon for example)? There are meetup groups for that stuff too, i'm sure!

If you have coverage for it, state or health insurance, don't balk at the idea of therapy. It can be a nudge, not so much to solve all your problems - but to give you some oomph to start chipping away at things a bit at a time.

I work 6 weeks at a time 12 hours a day with no days off, and when i'm home it's only for a week. There is no physical way I could make it to a therapist on a regular basis.

Part of what it appears to me is - you have so many things going on it's like a pile of bricks weighing you down - and it's hard to find a starting point, and to keep any kind of motivation to keep pushing through to remove those bricks one at a time. A good therapist can help by offering support, and by helping you step back and look at what, of your many obstacles, are the ones weighing on you most heavily. What you can control, and help you get that control back. Which ultimately impacts how you feel about yourself and reflects on how attractive you are to others, and how healthy you are emotionally to be able to form a really strong and healthy relationship with someone. And in the end, that's the goal, isn't it?

Well right now my only problem is my love life, so all those bricks have been lifted except that one. I guess this is the one problem I have had my entire life regardless of any other problems that have came and gone.

Has it gotten better for you? I feel that i'm in that box right now. Every outcome either makes me feel sick to my stomach with anxiety or makes me ashamed of myself for not getting things done. I'm only 21 but I do not understand this world. I do not feel compatible with this world. 

Trimmer, why don't you feel compatible with this world? You're more than welcome to create a new post regarding your situation. We're here to listen and help you in any way we can. 🙂